In a new episode of imaginary program This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, the parent police (PP) are circling popular television presenter, businessperson and model Jennifer Hawkins.
Trolls are testing the waters
The Instagram mum-shamers appear to be testing the waters, taking the odd swipe at this brand new mum at a time when it’s clear she’s brimming with happiness and love for her two-month-old baby daughter, Frankie.
In the latest example, Jen’s at the beach and has stopped for a second so that someone (possibly her husband Jake) can snap a photo of her holding Frankie with a lovely backdrop of the beach.
Jen’s caption: “No one can prepare you for the gummy smiles and baby ‘convo’!? #soinlove “
Sweet. Heartstring-plucking. Wholesome. Sincere.
But that didn’t stop the PP stepping in. Nu-uh. Their eyes lit up because they saw an opportunity to have a crack at Jen. Faster than you can say “keyboard warrior”, they were tapping out judgements and gleefully hitting ‘enter’.
Some went for the passive aggressive reverse open sh!t sandwich (something nice followed by something not).
“Loving the photo but why does Mummy have a hat on and not Bubba?”
Others served their sh!t unadorned.
“Where’s the baby’s hat?”
One frame is not the full story
Jen is by no means the first woman to be targeted and it’s still early days for the new mum. She hasn’t been hit super hard with the trolling as yet. But that’s simply because the women who police others’ parenting are just warming up.
Their modus operandi is to take the odd dig and slowly turn the tide with more and more snarky comments. Soon enough it will seem completely normal for strangers to shout “PUT A HAT ON THAT BABY” or other incorrectly punctuated but equally rude things at her on Instagram.
They chip, chip, chip away at their target and sadly chances are we ain’t seen nothing yet.
Bitterness and bad manners
We ask you, would these people do this in the street if they spotted Jen Hawkins joyfully kissing her baby as the pair snuggle under the brim of Jen’s own very broad brimmed hat (and just before Jen pulls the baby’s own hat out of her back pocket/bag and wrestles it onto Frankie’s adorable head?)
No. No they wouldn’t.
Partly because they know that this is unacceptable behaviour and partly because someone might call the actual police.
Yet in the mosh pit that is social media, these people seem to lose their tiny freaking minds.
They feign ignorance of manners and social mores. They pretend that one frame tells the story of an entire parenting approach. And they go in on their target with no mercy.
A recovery program for the parent police
Luckily there is time to nip this in the bud.
If YOU are a police-r of other people’s parenting on social media, all is not lost.
You can change! We can help!
We’ve developed a helpful 5 step program to aid you in your recovery.
- If you want to critique someone else’s parenting on social media, eat a biscuit instead.
- If you want to screen grab and snark about someone else’s parenting with your parent police friends, eat a biscuit instead.
- If you want to send someone a mean DM about their parenting (or anything else), eat a biscuit instead.
- If you want to ‘like’ a mean comment another social media user has left about someone else’s parenting, eat a biscuit instead.
- Go and buy more biscuits. We can heartily recommend Arnott’s Choc Chip Scotch Finger Biscuits. Buy three packets, because change takes time. We believe in you. #EatABiscuit
If you know a parent-policer, perhaps you could share this story with them? We can all help in our own ways. It takes a village.