Content warning: This story discusses miscarriage.
Now, she has taken another step to share exactly how the experience made her feel – and for many women, her honest words offer a sense of support and understanding – not to mention, the start of an important conversation.
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Giving Sonny his bottles and sippy cups of real milk has always brought me so much joy. I know it sounds silly, but those quiet moments sitting with him before bed as he looks into my eyes drinking it and knowing he’s getting nutrients he needs makes me feel whole. @milklife #ad #LoveWhatsReal
Second time around
Whitney and her husband, Tim Rosenman, had their first child Sonny in 2017, and she talks about the many feelings that surfaced when having a miscarriage the second time around.
“Having a miscarriage on my second pregnancy unearthed more complex and contrary feelings than I ever could have imagined,” she wrote in the article.
“It was like emotional whiplash — swinging from one extreme to the other with no foresight into what the next moment would hold.”
After struggling with the “fear and anxiety” that came with her miscarriage, Whitney was also left feeling guilty as she already had a lovely son while many women struggle with infertility.
“I felt that I had no right to be upset about my miscarriage when so many women can’t get pregnant at all,” she said. “I already have a healthy child of my own, so I found myself questioning, ‘Who do I think I am?!'”
But Whitney now knows that it doesn’t make miscarriage any more bearable.
“The fact that I’m already a mom doesn’t make my experience any more or less painful. It was just different,” she said. “It was my own. And in the end, it gave me empathy and perspective for which I am extremely grateful.”
Miscarriage is a common occurrence
Whitney says that she had no idea how common miscarriage is, which made her realised there are probably lots of other women out there going through the same thing.
“I was shocked by how many of my friends had miscarried, and how several only shared their stories with me after I told them about my experience,” she said.
“In another case, a friend simply didn’t talk about it until she realised that her experience may help me cope with mine.”
The true value of sharing
Whitney obviously shares a lot of her life with the public but says she really sees the value in it. Since sharing her struggle with breastfeeding and now her miscarriage, many others with similar experiences have started reaching out.
“By joining a conversation, you open yourself up to so many relatable people and stories. Revealing my miscarriage on social media was by far one of the most vulnerable things I’ve ever done. But after seeing firsthand the power of honesty when I revealed my struggle with breastfeeding two years ago, I knew this was something I wanted to do.”
Whitey also gives credit to the internet for allowing this sort of communication.
“This platform has fundamentally changed the way we communicate, and we should use it to our advantage to break down barriers of silence and shame,” she says.
“If nothing else, speaking up can make someone feel less alone, and I can’t think of a worthier cause for modern technology.”
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This is really hard for me to write. Two weeks ago, I had a miscarriage. The amount of various emotions I felt in the past couple weeks have been extreme…from shock to sadness to relief, which then led to guilt for feeling that relief. My identity has been shaken in regards to who as a mom and human being. I’m currently in the process of learning to accept that my feelings are valid no matter what they are. Whether or not people feel the same way as me or not. They are my personal emotions that are the result from my own journey. The video above is a glimpse into the story and coming to terms with how I feel. I welcome anyone to share their stories or feelings. I want my platform to be an open place where we can share difficult conversations. To see more of this video click the link in my bio. and to hear the full conversation visit my podcast #WITHWHIT
All kinds of mothers
Finally, Whitney addresses all women who are trying to get pregnant but struggling with miscarriage.
“I hope you know that it’s not your fault. You’re only human. Your body is not a machine, and just because you can’t give birth doesn’t mean you can’t be a mother,” she says.
However, it is her final words of advice that really resonates and offer hope for those in similar situations: “If I can leave you with a few simple words of advice, they would be to not give up and not blame yourself,” she says.
“Miscarriage does not mean you are any less meant to be a mother.”
If you – or someone you know – has experienced the loss of a baby, please visit sands.org.au to access resources and support.