There is nothing good about miscarrying. It’s a time of great sadness not to mention anger, disappointment, confusion and despondency. And that’s just the beginning.
To top it off, everywhere you look, there are gorgeous little babies or glowing mums-to-be with big healthy round bellies. I should know, I miscarried three times. And each one made me feel even more helpless than the last, with no light at the end of the tunnel.
However, miscarriage is common with one in four women going though it. All you can do is keep going and look forward to the next pregnancy, which is easier said than done. Especially when it feels like it may never happen.
It helps to be a little kinder to yourself and do things that will make you feel happy and confident. It doesn’t take away the sadness or grief that accompanies miscarriage, but it can ease the pain.
Here are five activities that might let a little light into that dark tunnel and make you feel a whole lot better.
1. Treat yourself
First up, do something indulgent – a real treat. After my second miscarriage, I booked in for a pedicure. After my third, my mum shouted me a facial. You might want to get your hair done, have a manicure, enjoy a relaxing massage or shop for a new outfit.
No doubt, you’ve been so focused on your pregnancy and what was happening that you haven’t given yourself much thought. Choose something that you normally wouldn’t do, and possibly never be able to do with a newborn under your arm. Something to enhance those feel-good vibes of self-love and positivity – exactly the vibes you need right now.
2. Write a journal
It’s great to talk about how you’re feeling but sometimes you don’t want to burden friends and family. Plus, it can just leave you feeling even more upset. Journaling is a fantastic and deeply personal way to get all those thoughts and emotions out of your head.
You may not ever read through it again but the process of putting thoughts to paper helps acknowledge what you’re going through while liberating you from the weight of the experience.
3. Get moving
Depending on how you’re feeling physically, it can be good to get active. I always found that after having my life on hold, after a miscarriage, I was finally free to go for long walks or do a gentle work-out at the gym.
Again, this will help make you feel good about yourself, especially if you’ve spent eight weeks or more thinking you’re pregnant and avoiding anything too vigorous. Physical activity, particularly when done outdoors, will help get the endorphins going, lift your spirits and make you feel like you’re taking control and doing something positive for your body.
4. Find a meditation app
I’m not particularly good at meditation, but I found it helpful after miscarrying. There is a range of mediation apps to download that will help you to focus and go through the grieving process.
For me, meditation had a calming effect, as I was left feeling on edge and in a panic. Taking time out to centre myself helped me to de-stress and be well and truly in the moment, acknowledging it rather than ignoring it completely.
5. Have a laugh
They say laughter is the best medicine and certainly when you’ve miscarried it can help. Watching something light and humorous (nothing about babies!) and having a good laugh can do the world of good.
Binge on a new series on Netflix, catch up on all the movies you missed, or watch a few hilarious YouTube clips with cute puppies and fluffy cats. Whatever takes your mind off the here and now, so for a few blissful moments you can think about something happy that has nothing to do with the fact that your pregnancy just wasn’t meant to be.