If you are a parent, it is likely that you have waded into battle with your baby over that greatest parenting pain point in the history of parenting pain points – sleep.
In fact, not only have you probably waded into battle, you have likely arrived at some kind of peace agreement that involves a complicated sequence of baby-settling strategies aimed at trying to squeeze some sleep into your life (both for you and your bub.)
To non-parents, all this all seems a bit … MUCH. Non-parents figure getting a baby to sleep plays out just like it does on TV. You know, give the baby a bottle, pop her in her cot and turn the light off with a sweet goodnight kiss for good measure.
Then off she goes to sleep. Simple. Sleep issues, sleep schmissues. Nothing that a good routine and firm word with baby can’t fix, non-parents figure. #LOLLL
So one particular woman – a previous non-parent – has turned up on Reddit with her tail pretty much between her legs. She admits she was once that kind of judgemental non-parent and is now pretty much begging for forgiveness for her former attitude. Possibly in the hope that the universe is listening and will magically turn things around.
Now that she’s actually a mother, she realises that baby sleep is often harder to sort out than a Rubik’s cube. In fact, her own baby’s sleep habits are feeling like some kind of sick karmic revenge, from what we can tell.
“I must confess that I privately sneered at your blackout blinds and your white noise and your insistence on monastic silence during naptime,” she begins.
“Your baby nurses to sleep? A crutch. You stay in the nursery for every nap? A hostage.”
“Well, the baby bootie has been on the other foot for three months now, and I’m here to say I’m sorry. My bad. I repent.”
“I WILL TRY ANYTHING”
She goes on to reveal the lengths she has gone to try and soothe her fractious tot. (And she’s only three months in so this is clearly a rude awakening for them both!)
“I have nursed my son to sleep while bouncing on a yoga ball. My house has two bedrooms and three white noise machines. Yesterday I purchased a set of blackout curtains. I have spent hours of my life hovering over the crib like a vulture, easing my hands out from under the baby one millimeter at a time.”
“One of the radio presets in my car is just static. I once shut myself in a 15 ft2 bathroom with the lights out and the fan on, hoping the womb-like environment would lull the baby to sleep in the carrier.”
“I WILL TRY ANYTHING TO GET THIS CHILD TO SLEEP,” she writes.
“What I’m saying is, I get it now, and you have my deepest apologies for ever judging you. Here’s hoping we all get a good night’s sleep soon.”
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