When this anxious mum reached out, a “village” was there to change her life
When this mum’s anxiety started impacting the experiences her kids were able to have, she found the courage to reach out – and a village responded.
“Anxiety holds hands with fear”
Mum-of-triplets Desiree Fortin opened up about the crippling anxiety she was enduring, and her concerns that her condition was affecting her children.
“A close friend told me once, “Anxiety holds hands with fear.” And the fear of losing one of my children at a park, or the zoo, or even the grocery store, has paralysed me at times,” an emotional Desiree wrote on Instagram.
“I feel like I have held my kids back from incredible adventures,” Desiree explained because it’s “safer to just stay at home.”
Desiree’s not alone in her battle with anxiety. Mental health support organisation PANDA tell us that in Australia, “up to 1 in 10 women and 1 in 20 men experience antenatal depression. Anxiety is just as common, and many parents experience anxiety and depression at the same time.”
“Love each other like family”
Desiree reached out to a brilliant local MOPS mother’s group, summoning the courage to talk about her mental anguish. Desiree hoped to extend her social circle and mobilise some support.
It turns out that MOPS were the exact right people to connect with. MOPS say their mission is to “build circles of mums who love each other like family” and that through their groups “profound things are taking place.” They’re not wrong, because the impact their kindness and compassion had on Desiree was obviously immense – even life-changing.
“In the last several months I have taken steps to help me with my anxiety struggles. I am a part of an amazing moms group,” Desiree writes. “This was essential in helping me make friends in my area and walk through some of my daily challenges with moms who offer no judgement or criticism, just love.”
“I felt ashamed”
Desiree explains, “Recently, our MOPS group held an Easter Egg Hunt at a large park in our city. I knew we would not attend this event — not because we were busy or out of town; but because this park is a panic attack waiting to happen.”
While Desiree knew her kids would love the egg hunt, she realised her anxiety would make participation a real challenge – and she was mortified.
“The special day was upon us I told one of the other moms in my group the truth about my recent panic attacks and that I would be skipping the egg hunt due to my anxiety. I felt ashamed. I knew how magical this celebration would be for the triplets, but I also knew the kind of anxiety it would bring me.”
“Initially I was embarrassed”
Desiree’s MOPS friend was keen to help and suggested they take her dilemma further – and find a way through.
“My friend asked me if she could reach out to a few of our “Mentor Moms” to see if any of them could help me with my kids, so I would be able to join in the special day. Initially, I was embarrassed and felt like a burden, but I know that was not the case. My friend found two mentor moms willing to help me with my kids that day,” Desiree explains.
Despite her reservations, being open about her mental health paid off.
“It turned out to be an amazing time. The joy I got to share with my kids was so fulfilling and rewarding. I felt, although this type of adventure is still a major struggle for me, it was a huge step forward in asking for help.”
“We are not alone”
Many, many mums struggle with anxiety, and the kind of fears Desiree raised in her post. They were quick to sympathise and share their own secret struggles.
“This is EXACTLY where I’m at with my 2.5 yr old twin boys. I feel like my boys miss out on so much, because I’m simply trying to keep them safe,” one mum wrote.
“Oh my gosh yes mama!!! Me too!! Once the babies came my anxiety went through the roof. Thank you for the encouraging words and support!!! And yes—rally the troops!” another posted.
“This is seriously my life! I’ve had so many dreams about losing a child and I wake up in a panic. But I feel this way when I’m not dreaming too. We are not alone. And we will all get through this,” an emotional mum commented.
“It is okay to ask for help”
Desiree urges other mums to be brave enough to ask for help and step out of their comfort zone with some compassionate buddies, now and again.
“As Moms, it is important to be honest and vocal about our needs. Expressing your needs helps those around you understand what you are going through and be there for you in ways you may need them,” she says.
“I choose things that I know I can handle, but what this experience taught me is that it is okay to ask for help in things I think I cannot handle.”
Since then, Desiree has given birth to another baby – Cambria, a girl, born in 2020. And those triplets are now in kindergarten. She still has her bad days, (like everyone), but says that Cambria has brought ‘healing’ to her journey. A journey that could not have ended so well if she didn’t first seek support.
If you or someone you know are suffering from anxiety – during pregnancy or after having a baby – PANDA are at the ready to provide support and advice.
PANDA National Helpline – Mon to Fri, 9am – 7.30pm AEST – 1300 726 306
Your Maternal and Child Health Nurse can connect you to a mother’s group in your area.
