Dad of new twins says wife “can cover the overnights as I need sleep for work”

Posted in Sleeping.

This family has just welcomed newborn twins, and as you might imagine, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to navigate, especially for one parent in particular, and no, it’s not the mum. 

“She thinks it’s unfair”

A dad has divided the internet with a controversial parenting question posted to Reddit’s Am I The Asshole? forum. He explained that “wife and I just had twins 3 weeks ago”.

The dad works between 72 and 84 hours each week, toughing out 12-hour shifts, while his wife stays home recovering and caring for their babies.

The couple also employs a nanny to work four days a week, and he reasons that having a nanny around means his wife has the option to nap.

“I help whenever I’m not working but have told my wife she has to cover the overnights as I need sleep for work,” he posted on Reddit

“She thinks it’s unfair, however she can take two-hour naps while they sleep while I can’t do that at my job.” 

twins lying with sophie the giraffe - feature

Pitching in at other times

He notes that he does put in more time with the kids on days when he’s not at work.

“I’m up early on the weekends and take care of them while she sleeps in” and “I’m on dad duty from the minute I walk in from work until I go to sleep so she can rest. The reason we have the nanny through the week is so she can sleep during the day.”

So what did the good folk of Reddit have to say?

Many people believed he should just get the hell up and help his wife with the middle-of-the-night kid duties.

“Getting up at night is an inevitable part of parenting,” was one commenter’s response, reminding the dad in question that she’d birthed two babies just a couple of weeks earlier. “You signed up for this when you had kiddos.”

Reddit post about dad's night duty

Divided responses

But others thought the dad should be cut some slack.

“I’m sorry,” someone else posted, “but the mum gets a nanny to take care of the kids during the day and help with house chores, he helps with the kids as soon as he gets home, and she gets to sleep in on the weekends. If it was just him and her, I’d agree, but given the circumstances, I’d say it’s fair to have her do most of the night wake-ups.”

I guess the sticking point here is that this woman has carried two babies and birthed them, and is now just three weeks in to recovering from that and learning to parent. If she thinks “it’s unfair” that her husband won’t get up with the kids, then she obviously needs his help.

The problem here is not really who is the asshole, but how can this mum be better supported.


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