Being pregnant is such an exciting time, isn’t it? The wonder of new life, the realisation that your body is capable of so much, the joy of sharing your very self completely with your baby for forty whole weeks (or maybe forty two)… Wow.
You know what else is really exciting? Not being pregnant anymore. Here are our top five ways to celebrate the fact that you made it all the way through a pregnancy.
1. Stay in bed all night without a bathroom break
Marvel at your body’s ability to make it through a whole night without needing the toilet.
Seriously folks, after my last baby I felt like I had developed a superpower – not going to the loo. After at least three long months during which I always considered a second trip to the toilet whilst still leaving the bathroom, I felt like I had suddenly developed a bladder of steel.
I hadn’t, of course – it’s just real life for all the not pregnant people of the world. But for a while you’re going to love it, so live it up by having lots of drinks before bedtime. It’s only a pity the baby will wake you every two to three hours anyway.
2. Eat forbidden foods …
This one is usually the top of everybody’s list and there’s really something here to suit all tastes and budgets. So whether you’ve been craving sashimi and unpasteurised soft cheese from Europe, or a barbecued chook and dodgy looking coleslaw that’s been sitting in a bain marie for hours and hours, the world is your oyster.
And actually, you should probably get some of those while you’re at it.
3. … especially cake
I can’t help but put in a note for the gestationally diabetic among us. Ladies, I feel your pain. Having been diabetic for two out of my three pregnancies, I know how quietly but bitterly you resent the pregnant who walk among us flaunting their cake and white bread as they gleefully “eat for two”.
Now it’s your time. Throw away the eggs and soy linseed bread and eat whatever you want. And after you’ve scoffed chocolate and watermelon and drunk litres of fruit juice, if you want to – do it all again. Nobody will make you wait two hours.
Nanna, cleaner, take-away, whatever it takes to keep everyone’s basic needs met.
For the price of the fancy-schmancy vacuum cleaner I bought during pregnancy, I could have hired a cleaner for an hour a week for four months – FOUR MONTHS! Just relax, get your dinner out of a box, can, or the arms of a skinny teenage boy wearing a red cap. But for goodness’ sake, do not try to be Super Woman.
5. Binge on rubbish television shows
Face it, the first six weeks (months?) with a new baby will see you basically sitting and feeding on the lounge with only occasional breaks to visit the toilet and the fridge. Make the most of that time by getting really up to speed on every must-watch show that you never quite had the chance to watch before.
You’ll never have such a good excuse again.