The other day at the park some mums and I were standing around chatting, as you do.
In between moaning about what to cook for dinner (what WILL they eat?), we saw one of our little boys drop his dacks in the distance.
As he did a tree wee, another little guy came up to him. And, of course, copied him by taking a whiz alongside him. When each caught sight of the other’s doodle, they started pointing and giggling.
My mum-friends and I rolled our eyes, laughing.
Why oh why, do little boys think their penises are the bee’s knees?
Here are some theories we came up with.
Theory 1: Monkey see, monkey do
“You know, my husband is always scratching and readjusting his,” mused one of the mums. “Maybe my son gets his dick-obsession from him?!”
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Oh dear. Maybe she’s right!
Theory 2: It’s a hose
“My little guy LOVES the garden hose. And water pistols and well, anything that shoots water,” laughed one friend. “I guess his penis is just that? You know. A portable hose!”
Yep, what little one doesn’t like spraying?!
Theory 3: Or a baby elephant
“Yes, but as well being a hose, it sort of looks like a baby elephant’s trunk, don’t you think” I added. “Maybe that’s why my little one likes to swing it from side to side when I take his undies off before a bath? He’s doing the elephant!”
Cute but …
Theory 4: He thinks it’s rude
“I think my boys just like theirs because they think ‘penis’ is a rude word and ‘doodle’ is fun to say. Like ‘snot’, ‘bum’, or ‘poo’. It also wees, so there’s that.”
Yep, toilet humour is the best humour for kids. Makes perfect sense.
Theory 4: It’s nice to touch
“I hate saying this because he’s only three,” another friend added. “But we don’t know what it feels like to have one. Maybe it’s nice to touch, not like in a sexual way yet, but in maybe a tingly way? I dunno!
And then we all said, “Ewww” – at the exact same time.
But, um, perhaps?
Theory 5: It’s a toy
“My son will sometimes play with his wiener when he’s bored. Like it’s a toy and something to do. He’ll lie in his blankie and just have a little play, until I suggest painting or that we build a train track,” confessed another.
“He’ll also put toys on it when in the bath, or just stretch it out like a lolly snake or a slinky!”
Theory 6: It has superpowers
Then another mum pointed out that a penis is a bit of a mystery to little ones. It’s unpredictable and a source of continued fascination, that let’s face it, only seems to grow as they get older.
“It can have a mind of its own, right?” she giggled.
“It gets bigger when they don’t understand why, it shrinks when in water, it jiggles when they move, especially when in the nude, and it even escapes sometimes out of their undies. It’s this little character in his pants who he can’t control.”
A friend he is getting to know, it seems. But a friend who is a total enigma.
Theory 7: He just loves it
“I once had to remove all these stickers from my son’s peen because he stuck them to it like he was adorning it. I don’t get it, Why? Why your penis???” I shared.
“Because he just loves it.” answered a friend. “They all do.”
Yep. And it’s a love that will last a lifetime.