Just when you thought baby names couldn’t get any more unusual, comes news just in that … well … they have!
“Y’all have been talking shit”
A post shared on Reddit exposes a mum’s total hissy fit when friends and family who were invited to her baby shower allegedly began mocking her impending baby’s name amongst themselves.
The name in question? Squire Sebastian Senator.
Please note that the mother doubled-down, saying this is her baby’s “first name only” in a very angry message she sent to baby shower guests. She then canceled the event and told them all to eff off. As you do.
“Dear members of the Squire Sebastian Senator Babyshower,” she wrote. “I have a really important announcement to make. It brings me pain to have to tell you this, but I am cancelling the event.”
Ru-oh. This sounds bad, right? It is bad. Let’s continue.
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“I will text you soon if you’re invited to a smaller, more inclusive party,” the mum continued. “At least here no-one will judge me.”
That sort of event sounds EX-clusive, but okaaaayyy …
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The lies, the lies!
“Why. Why am I doing this?” the cross mum went on.
Tell us why! Tell us why!
“Because y’all have been talking shit about my unborn baby,” she wrote. “AN UNBORN CHILD. How can you judge an unborn child?? What is wrong with you??”
Pretty sure it’s just the pretty bonkers NAME people are having a crack at, but you do you, mama.
“To say this frankly,” she continued, “my friends and family have treated me like total shit. They’ve spread rumours and lies about my child.”
What, what? That escalated quickly.
“No I am not crazy,” she asserted. “No I am not mentally unstable. No I was not drunk when I named my child.”
You sound cross though? And a bit drunk? Just a little merry, maybe?
We are very squire-y
“His name is Squire Sebastian Senator,” the mum declared. “That is that.”
But IS that … that, mama? Is it?
“You cannot force me to change his name,” she wrote. “This is the name I was meant to give him.”
“No this is not his full name. ‘Squire Sebastian Senator’ is only his first name,” she stressed.
Isn’t that THREE names though?
“This is how it will be,” she wrote crossly. “He will not be allowed to have a nickname, he is to be called by his full and complete first name.”
But are you trolling us?
We are very senatorial
“I never knew my family could be so judgemental,” she spat. “We come from a long lasting family of both squires and senators. If you look back in our family tree, the survival of this clan is literally rooted in squiredom.”
Huh? What even are you talking about?
“We are all related to senators too,” she alleged. “This name conveys power. It conveys success. It conveys wealth.”
And trees? What was the bit about the trees again?
“My baby’s name will be a revolution. It will push people to question everything,” the mum evangelised.
Questions like – are you trolling us? – do you mean?
You’re boring and I hate you all
“Why name your baby boring and over-used names like Joshua, Brian, Sam, Nick, Mark, Bella, Marina etc … when you can name it something special?” she wondered rudely.
Those are your baby shower guest names, aren’t they?! WE KNOW THEY ARE!
“Squire Sebastian Senator will live a powerful, wholesome life,” she wrote bossily. “His confidence will not diminish simply because his name is out of the ordinary. Instead he will be extraordinary.”
No pressure though.
“F*ck you all,” she concluded icily, addressing her former baby shower guests. “Fake ass family. You won’t get to be part of my baby’s life and it’s all because you had to judge him.”
Woah. Take a bow mama and accept our “Best social media meltdown of 2018” award. YOU DESERVE IT!