Russell Brand went on Bake Off and made a shortbread tribute to childbirth

Posted in Entertainment and Technology.

Russell Brand just popped up on the celebrity charity series of The Great British Bake-Off delighting viewers – and the people of Twitter – by baking a shortbread version of his wife’s lady bits.

Russell Brand on Bake Off

Spoilers below!

Russell – who is the father of two-year-old Mabel and one-year-old Peggy – did such a brilliant job honouring his wife’s vagina, vulva and other parts that he actually took the crown, being named outright winner of the episode. And deservedly so.

Russell had taken this baking challenge very much to heart,  seeking to make something intensely meaningful. His final concept centred on a sort of shortbread shrine to the baby-growing skills of wife Laura Gallacher. 

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Watching Russell’s baking plan rollout – literally – Bake Off’s Prue Leith began quizzing him in earnest, keen to get to the heart of the vision behind it.

“So you’ve got this great big vagina?” she asked. Russell enthusiastically confirmed Prue was dead right.

“I have never heard of a biscuit quite like it,” judge Paul Hollywood mused.

Brand Does Bake Off

Russell Brand on Bake Off. Has to be seen to be believed.

Posted by The Great British Bake Off on Tuesday, 5 March 2019

Shortbread spectacle

“I tried to capture the moment of my second daughter’s birth,” an intensely (and quite rightly) proud Russell explained presenting his bake to the judges.

“The central piece is my wife, the four aspects of her, I wanted it to be an expressionistic biscuit like say Fritz Lang’s Metropolis, demonstrating birth but in shortbread,” he continued.

“Around her the vagina through which we all enter life. The placenta is at the bottom, standing next to me. I’ve reappropriated a wise man [to represent himself].” Russell said to the tittering judges.

Rules are rules. Or are they?

“How many biscuits have you got?” Prue Leigh asked Russell as the panel eyed his finished shortbread spectacle.

“I know you wanted 24, Prue,” Russell replied, “but would you take a glance at those labia and tell me that’s not adequate?”

Prue indeed agreed the labia and other biscuit bits were indeed adequate noting he’d made “complex, interesting, funny” and “fantastically good” biscuits.

“That biscuit was perfect,” Paul Hollywood gushed. “What he did was a bit of conceptual art. Very clever, very brave and (it) tasted amazing.”

Russell Brand on Bake Off

Russell Brand on Bake OffRussell Brand on Bake Off

“I can’t wait to see Russell’s vagina”

The other judges couldn’t go past the vagina biscuit either and Russell was crowned the winner of this ep, much to the gent in question’s delight.

“I’m genuinely thrilled to be adorned with this apron. I’m bang into this, man. I’m probably going to wear it home,” he revealed. “I shall wear this with nothing else on. This will be it now. I shall cultivate a look around this apron.”

The folk of Twitter were deeply affected by this incredible baked diorama.

“My boyfriend just said … ‘I can’t wait to see Russell’s vagina’,” one punter tweeted.

Russell said the episode was deeply affecting for him too.

“I’ve been baking like a maniac ever since. And I’m vegan now (again),” he tweeted overnight.




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