I love it when a meme pops up in my Facebook feed that is so on point I want to fist bump the monitor.
Yesterday I scrolled by this beauty and felt it was too good to just re-share. It deserves a whole write up, and perhaps also to be printed out, framed and hung in my house. I need the reminder, actually, every mum I know does.
Having it all is bullshit
Shared by Sleep is for the Weak (hehe), the funny meme might be my new life mantra and is possibly the most truthful thing on the internet.
Give it a little read, and tell me if you don’t agree?
Just a little reminder. Don't choke.
Yes, yes, yes, right?!
How many times do we feel pressured and overwhelmed to be everybody’s everything? To be the sun in the family solar system?
To stay on top of every single little thing, so the household wheels don’t fall off?
To work like we don’t have kids, and mother like we don’t have a job.
To be it all.
To do it all.
And do it all well.
The problem with the rhetoric that mothers today can have and do it all, is that we are floundering.
Not because we aren’t incredibly capable and the queens of multitasking (Hello! Just watch us cooking dinner as we fold the washing, send an email and apply a band-aid in between stirring) but because we are suffering from burn out.
It’s too much.
Many of us are also battling mental health woes such as stress and anxiety, and our general physical health is taking a beating, too.
As I type I’m thinking of two different, dear friends of mine.
Each of these amazing women has different aged kids and jobs. But sadly, both are experiencing panic attacks as they strive to achieve at work, or just get through the day, while also being the best mums to their children, and carry most of the household load, too.
They feel like they are failing at everything.
While I tell them they aren’t, that they are amazing to be “doing it all!” (yes, I’m guilty of praising and ‘encouraging’ with those words, too) they are not convinced.
Their happiness levels are not what they should be. Their energy is low. They are exhausted.
So no, mums can’t have it all – not at the same time anyway. The motherhood plate is overflowing.
But maybe more bite-sized chunks is the answer?
Taking a step back, breathing and really thinking about how it could be a bit more do-able.
Maybe it’s recognising that a once a month cleaner (that isn’t going to break the bank but will clean the floors), or divvying up the household chores with our partner more is what we need to make the housework more manageable?
Maybe it’s recognising that the extra day of work you’ve been offered isn’t really something you can take on until your child or children are in school? And if you can’t refuse it, because you need the money, then maybe it’s sharing the daycare drop off and pick ups with your partner or your child’s grandparents.
Maybe it’s about scaling back, not trying so hard to be perfect, but good enough.
Maybe it’s about saying ‘no’ more to things that will sap up even more of your time – like another extracurricular activity.
Maybe it’s about asking for help and accepting it from your loved ones.
Maybe it’s about chopping up your plate into more bite-sized manageable chunks.
And maybe it’s also about telling those who think mums can do it all, have it all and all at once, to please f-off.
Because we can’t.
WE. JUST. CAN’T. OK?!