When my firstborn was a squidgy newborn we went to a mums and bubs childhood health centre group. As the midwife gave helpful advice to all of us cradling our babes in the circle, my little guy noisily squirted out an avalanche of a poo, that dripped out of his nappy and onto the floor.
I always thought this was going to be my horror poo story as a mum. After all, every parent has one.
But no, I was wrong. So very wrong. My horror kid poo story was going to come years later …
It came when we were on holidays
Like most people, I have just come back to work after a lovely Christmas break. Staying in a caravan park on the banks of a lake. It was bliss!
But it was to be short-lived
The culprit in this poo story is my littlest Sam. At three and a half, he’s day toilet trained, but I would be silly to assume I am out of accident’s way with him. I mean, I still carry a spare pair of undies in my handbag when we go out.
So I was a little naive then when I was asked this.
Can we swim in the lake, Mummy?
Walking to the lake from our cabin, the boys wanted to go swimming then and there, so I let them strip down to their undies and have a little splash.
As we watched them frolic my hubby commented on how perfect the moment was.
After the swim, I took off their soggy undies and redressed them in their clothes, letting them ‘free ball’ with no knickers. As you do when on holidays.
But on the way back to the cabin, they begged to have a jump on the park’s giant inflatable bubble-style trampoline.
Again, I said yes, because why not?
Boing, boing, oh-oh
Joining the crowd of other little holidaymakers on the stripey inflatable, their hair sprung up and down with each bounce. The whole area was filled with little squeals of delight, but then all of a sudden Sam reappeared in front of me.
“Mummy, I need to do a poo,” he said.
Rushing him back to the cabin, and leaving my husband with our eldest, I didn’t realise he had already done it.
“It’s on the trampoline”
As he sat in the loo trying to squeeze it out, he told me it wasn’t coming. When I smelt poo on him and found a brown smear down his back leg, I asked him where it was.
“On the trampoline. I had an accident,” he said in a little voice.
And it was. Because I was a silly mum who didn’t put undies on a little guy who needs them to catch any accidents. Oh dear.
But this story gets worse. So much worse.
Back at the scene of the crime, my husband was trying to piece together what had happened. He thought Sam needed to do a wee which was why we had rushed back to the cabin. But all of a sudden children were screaming “poo, poo, POO!” and leaping off the trampoline in droves.
The caretaker was called by a concerned parent and pretty soon the other parents were debating if the poo, which sat on the top centre of the trampoline, was accidentally placed there by a little kid or in malice by an older child.
Or was it done by a Great Dane?
The reason for the debate is that the said poo was apparently so big that every parent who looked at it wondered if it really could have come from a little kid.
Even my husband said he didn’t believe Sam could have done it because it looked like, “a Great Dane’s”.
Oh, the horror.
Coming back to tell me the story in fits of laughter, we both realised our son was to blame.
My husband quickly returned to the trampoline to clean up the mess only to find the poor caretaker hosing it down and applying disinfectant.
Moral of the story
The next day the poo was the talk of the caravan park amongst kids riding bikes.
“Did you know there was a poo on the trampoline?” one sweet little girl told me as I let my boys have a final bounce on it before leaving that caravan park for good.
“Yes honey, I do. My little Sam did it. But he didn’t mean to. He wasn’t wearing undies and he had an accident,” I told her.
As more and more kids returned to the trampoline after the Great Poonami Incident of the day before, my husband and I realised our big mistake.
It wasn’t not putting undies on our little accident-prone guy, it was not adhering to the huge ‘NO POOING ON THE TRAMPOLINE’ sign.
Or maybe that’s supposed to be a shoe? Looks like a poo though, don’t you think?!
Read more funny toddler tales: