When our second son was born, a family friend bought us a book called Funny Stuff We Said As Kids.
It was full of empty pages designed for me to fill out all the silly and downright strange stuff that kids say during the early years.
My first entry was three days after coming home from hospital when Harry, aged 3 said:
“Let’s put Lachie back in your tummy, Mummy”.
Then there was the tear-jerker morning he woke up to tell me about the “story behind his eyes”. In other words, his first dream!
No doubt about it, our kids say the most wonderful and kooky stuff that’s totally worth remembering.
Jump to a recent Reddit thread of parents making each other ROFL recounting the classic stuff their little kids said. Let’s just say from the outset, not all of these stories are funny ‘ha ha’. In fact you might say several of them are downright creepy.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
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Surprisingly creepy for a little person
Take this story from poster, Melkain:
“Daddy, I need help writing the book’s name on the front!”
“Ok, what’s the title? I’ll write it lightly with a pencil and you can trace it with a marker.”
“Kitties burn without their mamas.”
“Well, that’s awfully dark.”
“After some clarification, it turned out that it was a story about two kittens who went to the beach with their mommy – and they didn’t get sunburned because their mommy was there.
“Whew, I thought we were gonna be looking at a whole lot of therapy there for a moment.”
Good clarification, there dad!
Watch your back, mum and dad!
Ever noticed how it’s our kids’ deadpan delivery that gives this stuff an extra kick?
Like this story from Alkie:
“When my niece was that age, we were on a walk and she’s smiling and skipping along like a happy little 5 year old girl and then in a chipper voice she says to me, “that tree looks fun to climb in. We could build a treehouse in it. Out of your bones. And your skin could be the walls and roof, and your hair could be the carpet, and we could decorate the walls with your insides, and then you’d be dead.”
“I said something like, “yeah… that’d do it.”
Not such an innocent song
Songs young children sing to themselves can also be pretty creepy at times. How often have you found yourself thinking, “Oh so sweet, little Johnny is singing to himself, only to REALLY listen to the lyrics?”
That’s what happened to mcpoopants (yes, that’s his name!):
My 8 year old singing quietly to herself in the back seat of the car:
“Put them in a bucket of water… And shake them until they’re dead”
“What kind of a silly song is that?! What are the “them” that you’re drowning?”
“SHAKE them until they’re dead. they’re dying from hitting the side of the bucket.”
Mix and matching the meanings
Confusing the meaning of names and places can also make for funny kid translations.
As saltymagarita writes:
“This happened to me once when I wrote a story about a boy named John Elton. My mom told me Elton John was a singer and I was just so amazed and confused about why his name was backwards.”
And it wouldn’t be a thread of funny kids stories without at least one mention of a poop, now would it?
Over to you, greenpotatoes9:
“My son writes me books every now and then, and my favorite one was from a few years ago, called The Flying Turd. It was about how someone smelled something bad, so they looked around and saw a flying turd with wings. Everyone was taking pictures, and then someone zoomed in and it was just a birdie, and the smell was just someone who had farted. I’m paraphrasing of course, the original was pure poetry. Make sure to have your son sign your copy, for when it becomes a national classic.”
Makes you wonder what we did for entertainment before our little ones came along, right?
Kids. Yep you sure say the darnedest things.