Do you ever feel like your family isn’t complete’? While you know you are blessed with the little soul – or souls – you are raising, you have a feeling that there might be one more waiting for you in the wings?
Another baby to love, to get to know and raise – but also another child who would change your family dynamic and life as you know it.
When you allow yourself to glance sideways at the what-might-be version of your life, you might even picture this new addition slotting seamlessly into your family. And so you let your heart long for that baby. Ache. Crave, even.
But then your rational brain rudely reminds you that you are being crazy. There is NO WAY you can have another baby. It’s just not practical, or doable, for crying out loud!
If this resonates with you, then please read on.
What the heart wants
There is a saying ‘the heart wants what it wants’, meaning you can’t help feeling this way.
I know I can’t.
I know my friend, who desperately wants another baby despite her husband insisting they can’t afford it, also can’t.
My neighbour, who recently became a single parent always thought she’d give her daughter a sibling, but now life may have other ideas.
And then there is me, who also dreams of a bigger family. But I know it’s just not smart, given the chronic health condition I have which makes life stressy enough as it is.
But yet, my heart wants what my heart wants. One more baby to hold tight and love.
And so, we walk through life with a quiet undercurrent of longing. Always wondering what it would have been like if we had been able to have that last baby …
When the head and the heart are at odds
Even though we know all the reasons why our heads keep telling us we can’t have another baby are valid, the heart still yearns. Am I right?
I felt this just yesterday as I was koala cuddling my youngest in the pool. He starts school next year and I am just not ready for this chapter in my life as a mum to be over. All those years I’ve spent hug-swimming with my little love in the shallow end of the pool. It felt so precious. So beautiful and it made me wonder what life could have been like with three kiddies. But then my head slapped me back into reality.
It was the classic head-versus-heart conundrum.
I don’t know how we resolve this internal struggle, or even if we can. But I think we should definitely talk about it.
Because the truth is, talking is always better than bottling up or brushing aside feelings.
When we do that, resentment often builds – towards our partners who may not be on the same ‘another baby’ page as us, or our friends who may not be as restricted as we are in growing their families, for instance.
So maybe what we need to do is talk it through with a supportive person in our lives. Someone who will hear us out and not try and convince us of all the reasons why we can’t have another baby. We know why we can’t have another baby. Gawd, do we know it. Nor will they remind us of how lucky we are. We know that too!
But instead they will listen, let us have a little weep and in doing so, help us to let go of that maybe-baby once and for all.