Here are a few things I’ve learnt about my boys (aged nearly four and six):
1. They say ‘It’s not fair!’ a lot
2. They want to win
Whether it’s who gets to the car first for the school run or who eats their chocolate egg in record time, they want to be the winner. And the one that comes in ‘second place’? Cue angry, frustrated tears and lots of stomping.
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3. They fight constantly
The trampoline turns into a wrestling ring and board games usually end up with one throwing the dice in a strop at the other. They are always rolling around on the floor on top of each other, like lion cubs – and when the claws come out it’s time to intervene …
4. They love sticks
5. They want to play ball – the whole time
6. They are like pigs
7. They will often say ‘I’m hungry’
8. They have a bug fascination
9. They will climb everything
10. They think fake poo is hilarious
11. They run everywhere
12. They are black and white with their feelings
13. They often say ‘I’m bored’
14. They will blow your mind
‘Why is the sky blue?’, ‘Why does God never die?’ ‘What would happen if there was no moon?’ They will throw random questions at you each day – most of which you can’t answer. (Thank goodness for Google.)
15. They pretend not to know where anything is
‘Where are my socks?’ [In your drawer, where they’ve been all your life.] ‘Where’s my blue HotWheels car with the flames down the side?’ [In that basket where all your cars are kept.]
16. They will trash your house
17. They want to be super-cool
And will come down the stairs sporting funky hair-dos (i.e. water splashed in their hair to create a spiky fringe) and Dad’s sunglasses. Your kitchen becomes a disco during breakfast when they crank up the radio and dance – more often naked than not – on the table.
18. They secretly do like girls
Even though they think it’s the done thing for boys to say they don’t like girls. I’ve caught my boys with my niece, dressing up as mermaids and playing ‘mummys and daddys’ – with my three-year-old being rocked to sleep in a doll’s cot.
19. They never tire of loo humour
‘One day a poo landed on my head and then fell on the floor!’ Cue ten minutes of giggles.
20. They have the concentration span of a gnat
21. They live for sleepovers and midnight feasts
And will go on – and on and on – about having one.
22. They pee everywhere
23. They will make your heart melt
You can’t beat that feeling when your boy looks you straight in the eyes and then gives you the biggest kiss ever or an enormous heart-buzzing squeeze. Once you feel that love you’re hooked on them forever – stinky socks and all.