The new series of The Bachelor is back at its bitchy best, with 25 women vying for roses and romance with the Honey Badger (aka rugby player Nick Cummins). Already, there’s been kisses and “chem”(istry) aplenty, laced with lots and lots of naughty behaviour.
Of course, all the tears, tantrums and emotional outbursts are nothing new to parents of young children – we deal with it every day. But it did make us realise: toddlers and Bachy contestants really do have plenty in common. Here are 11 stunning similarities they share.
1. Both have no concept of personal space
There’s nothing clingier than a toddler. Well, except a horny Bachelor contestant trying WAY TOO HARD to get their hands on the honey pot.
Whether it’s Dasha introducing the Badge to her vadge with this erotic exercise or Romy mauling his neck like a toddler with a rusk, these girls have no shame about being serious space invaders.
2. They throw tantrums when they don’t get their way
Hello, wild mood swings! One minute they’re fine, the next they’re going off like a cut snake (to use one of the Badger’s corny catchphrases).
OMG, Cass just stole Nick off me – WAH! Daddy just cut my toast wrong – WAH! Cat from Bali just called me a pest / lemon / bitch – WAH! Mummy just called me a pest – WAH!
3. Both love getting wet and ruining a perfectly good outfit …
The only difference is people notice it when a toddler does it. Sorry, Cayla.
4. They don’t play nice with others
Whether it’s the Honey Badger or a teddy bear, Bachy babes and bubs get equally feisty when they’re forced to share their toys. Of course, if you think the battle for the Badge is already getting feral, you should see toddlers go toe-to-toe over the last swing in the playground. That is BRUTAL.
Of course, you can try to reason with them and carefully explain they’ll get another turn soon but sometimes the only thing that works is a little time-out in their room. Isn’t that right, Shannon?
5. Both love (play)dates!
Whether it’s going to the pool or the park, contestants and kiddos get equally excited about getting out of the house. Yay, we’re going on an adventure!
Least you don’t have to pack nappies for Bachy contenders. Well, unless you’re Brittany.
6. They never, ever stop talking!
We’re not sure what’s more painful – Cass over-sharing all her emotions all the time or our kids rambling about their favourite ep of Peppa Pig. Either way, it hurts our ears and makes us want to run away screaming.
7. Both love a good dress-up
Who doesn’t love a bit of fantasy play, right?
8. Understanding them can be difficult
Let’s be honest, do you really have any idea what your toddler is babbling about sometimes? I don’t. Same happens when the Honey Badger speaks, really. Just nod, smile and pretend to understand.
9. They need a drink ALL THE TIME
But especially just before bedtime. Just go to sleep already.
10. Both love playing with balls
Inside, outside, anytime, really.
11. They have no filter when they speak
For better or worse, toddlers speak their mind. So do The Bachelor girls. That said, my three-year-old has never called me a ‘basic bitch’ (yet), so I know which one I’d rather be trapped in a house with.
Special thanks to Lana, Pip, Elle, Susan and Elise for their help.