Mum’s emotional post about breastfeeding “beyond babyhood” strikes a chord

Posted in Breastfeeding.
sponsored-image

The breastfeeding of children who are “beyond babyhood” – sometimes known as extended breastfeeding – is a practice that some people find a little challenging, as they stick their noses into parenting that is simply not their business.

“I felt so small”

Peta Tuck is a birth mentor and doula, and she’s also a brilliant mum advocate. Peta’s urging women to ignore the stickybeaks, follow their heart and do what makes sense for their family.

In a recent update on Instagram, Peta detailed her own experience of breastfeeding her four-year-old son in a post that she hoped might give other mums the confidence to – as hard as it sometimes can be – ignore unsolicited advice from others.

“For the first time since my breastfeeding journey began I felt uncomfortable to be breastfeeding in public,” Peta wrote alongside a photo of her feeding her little boy.

“I don’t know why I did but I can tell you I didn’t like it. I felt the pressure to conform to society’s norm. I cringe when I write that.”

“As I was sitting at school parade, my almost 4 year old was screaming for boob, grabbing at my top and just wanting some comfort. I could feel the eyes on me. I even had mums turning around looking. And in that moment I felt so small. I didn’t breastfeed him.”

View this post on Instagram

For the first time since my breastfeeding journey began I felt uncomfortable to be breastfeeding in public. I don’t know why I did but I can tell you I didn’t like it. I felt the pressure to conform to society’s norm. I cringe when I write that. . As I was sitting at school parade, my almost 4 year old was screaming for boob, grabbing at my top and just wanting some comfort. I could feel the eyes on me. I even had Mum’s turning around looking? And in that moment I felt so small. I didn’t breastfeed him. . But was this my internal battle or a greater society’s battle? And the answer is, it’s both. It’s so easy to say ‘fuck it’ I am breastfeeding everywhere and don’t care what anyone says – which I 9/10 times do. But, the truth is, sometimes you do. And this week I did. Were those Mums glancing back looking at me reassuring me that it was ok or were they looking back in judgement? Who knows, I sure don’t BUT because of the way we are all conditioned to look at breastfeeding especially breastfeeding to term or extended breastfeeding, I straight away thought of judgement. . Mummy war’s created by our society to divide us are real. Judgement and shame on how we feed our children is real, whether breast or formula. Even someone like me who is usually carefree, giving zero what others think can fall victim to them. . So I am posting this for a few reasons. 1. For me to get past whatever feeling I had and realise I am following my son’s lead and that is fab – no matter what society thinks. 2. I am posting for those who do make judgments on breastfeeding mothers and mothers who feed beyond babyhood. I want to make those people realise that this here, feeding my son and meeting his needs is nothing but what any mother is doing, I am just doing this through breastfeeding and 3. To any other boobing Mum’s out there who may be struggling with their journey today or in the future remember, you are amazing and do what is best for you and your baby, and screw what anyone else thinks. . So from my child who walks, talks, eats and has a full set of teeth but breastfeeds – have a fabulous night and lets end this stigma around breastfeeding – after all they are just boobs!

A post shared by Peta Tuck • Birth Mentor • (@petatuckbrisbanedoula) on

Peta pointed out that she was feeling this way because of external and internal pressures, noting that she usually ignores these uneasy feelings, but sometimes it’s just too hard. Especially when all eyes are on you.

“It’s so easy to say ‘f*ck it’ I am breastfeeding everywhere and don’t care what anyone says’ – which I 9/10 times do. But, the truth is, sometimes you do [care]. And this week I did.”

On the occasion detailed, Peta figured that maybe the school mums weren’t judging her, but that she was on tenterhooks because feeding older children is so very often frowned upon.

“The way we are all conditioned to look at breastfeeding – especially breastfeeding to term or extended breastfeeding, I straight away thought of judgement,” she admitted.

Feeding beyond babyhood

Peta explained that the aim of her post was three-fold:

“For me to get past whatever feeling I had and realise I am following my son’s lead and that is fab – no matter what society thinks,” she wrote.

“I am posting for those who do make judgments on breastfeeding mothers and mothers who feed beyond babyhood. I want to make those people realise that this here, feeding my son and meeting his needs is nothing but what any mother is doing, I am just doing this through breastfeeding.”

“To any other boob-ing mums out there who may be struggling with their journey today or in the future remember, you are amazing and do what is best for you and your baby,” Peta wrote. “And screw what anyone else thinks.”

“From my child who walks, talks, eats and has a full set of teeth but breastfeeds – have a fabulous night and lets end this stigma around breastfeeding – after all they are just boobs!”

View this post on Instagram

Mum's seem to constantly carry guilt or judgment. Maybe it's from how you gave birth, whether you work or the BIG one, how you fed your child. We all have guilt at one point or another but here's the thing, don't push that guilt or self judgment onto someone else in anger. . The choice in how you feed your infant is just that, YOURS. . My breastfeeding choices, achievements and struggles are no reflection on you or your choices. Each one of us are on a different journey and you need to own yours, not just the triumphs but the struggles too. . Celebrating my breastfeeding journey or breastfeeding in general, doesn't mean I'm not celebrating a Mum who feeds her child formula. It doesn't mean I'm throwing judgment at anyone, in any way. This is sometimes where the mum guilt takes over and we are unable to see past our insecurities, our vulnerabilities and feel comfortable in owning our decisions and choices. . Breastfeeding is the optimal way to feed your child. Does that mean everyone can do it? No. Does that mean everyone wants to do it? No. Does how you choose to feed your child, whether breast or formula, give you the right to attack or shame another? No. . In Australia only 39% of babies are breastfed at 3 months. This is well below the WHO's recommendations. Breastfeeding isn't just a personal issue either, it's a social & economical issue as well. We all as a community play a role in a successful breastfeeding relationship. . Breastfeeding can be hard and needs to be spoken about openly and honestly without having to walk on eggshells. Resources need to be easily available to women so they can make an informed decision. . More support needs to be offered during those early postpartum days. . We need to stop seeing breasts as just a sexual organ but as the organ that nourishes and comforts infants. . Most of all we need to stop tearing other Mum's down because of their choices in how they feed their babies, breast or bottle. Let's unite as sisters. Let's share our love, information and support without judgment. Lets celebrate Motherhood in all its forms and end these stupid Mummy wars.

A post shared by Peta Tuck • Birth Mentor • (@petatuckbrisbanedoula) on

“You’re not alone”

Commenters on Peta’s post were chuffed to read something so supportive of personal breastfeeding choices.

“Yea! I’m still nursing my almost 4 year old son too. It is what it is. If he’s happy and comforted I could care less what others think,” one mum wrote.

“Thanks for this,” another mum commented, “My daughter is almost 2 and still is so attached to breastfeeding, which I love! But that hidden fear of whether she’ll be doing it past when other people think is appropriate still rears its ugly head sometimes no matter how long and how comfortable you are doing it. It helps just knowing you’re not alone in this!”

“Couldn’t love this enough,” someone else posted. “Cheers and boobs up to you!”

Boobs up indeed! Thank you so much for sharing this important post, Peta. 

(Also? Maybe we should just call feeding babies of all ages via the boob “breastfeeding”, eh? “Extended breastfeeding” already throws a little judgement and seems a bit unsupportive.)

Share

Get more babyology straight to your inbox