The breastfeeding of children who are “beyond babyhood” – sometimes known as extended breastfeeding – is a practice that some people find a little challenging, as they stick their noses into parenting that is simply not their business.
“I felt so small”
Peta Tuck is a birth mentor and doula, and she’s also a brilliant mum advocate. Peta’s urging women to ignore the stickybeaks, follow their heart and do what makes sense for their family.
In a recent update on Instagram, Peta detailed her own experience of breastfeeding her four-year-old son in a post that she hoped might give other mums the confidence to – as hard as it sometimes can be – ignore unsolicited advice from others.
“For the first time since my breastfeeding journey began I felt uncomfortable to be breastfeeding in public,” Peta wrote alongside a photo of her feeding her little boy.
“I don’t know why I did but I can tell you I didn’t like it. I felt the pressure to conform to society’s norm. I cringe when I write that.”
“As I was sitting at school parade, my almost 4 year old was screaming for boob, grabbing at my top and just wanting some comfort. I could feel the eyes on me. I even had mums turning around looking. And in that moment I felt so small. I didn’t breastfeed him.”
Peta pointed out that she was feeling this way because of external and internal pressures, noting that she usually ignores these uneasy feelings, but sometimes it’s just too hard. Especially when all eyes are on you.
“It’s so easy to say ‘f*ck it’ I am breastfeeding everywhere and don’t care what anyone says’ – which I 9/10 times do. But, the truth is, sometimes you do [care]. And this week I did.”
On the occasion detailed, Peta figured that maybe the school mums weren’t judging her, but that she was on tenterhooks because feeding older children is so very often frowned upon.
“The way we are all conditioned to look at breastfeeding – especially breastfeeding to term or extended breastfeeding, I straight away thought of judgement,” she admitted.
Feeding beyond babyhood
Peta explained that the aim of her post was three-fold:
“For me to get past whatever feeling I had and realise I am following my son’s lead and that is fab – no matter what society thinks,” she wrote.
“I am posting for those who do make judgments on breastfeeding mothers and mothers who feed beyond babyhood. I want to make those people realise that this here, feeding my son and meeting his needs is nothing but what any mother is doing, I am just doing this through breastfeeding.”
“To any other boob-ing mums out there who may be struggling with their journey today or in the future remember, you are amazing and do what is best for you and your baby,” Peta wrote. “And screw what anyone else thinks.”
“From my child who walks, talks, eats and has a full set of teeth but breastfeeds – have a fabulous night and lets end this stigma around breastfeeding – after all they are just boobs!”
Commenters on Peta’s post were chuffed to read something so supportive of personal breastfeeding choices.
“Yea! I’m still nursing my almost 4 year old son too. It is what it is. If he’s happy and comforted I could care less what others think,” one mum wrote.
“Thanks for this,” another mum commented, “My daughter is almost 2 and still is so attached to breastfeeding, which I love! But that hidden fear of whether she’ll be doing it past when other people think is appropriate still rears its ugly head sometimes no matter how long and how comfortable you are doing it. It helps just knowing you’re not alone in this!”
“Couldn’t love this enough,” someone else posted. “Cheers and boobs up to you!”
Boobs up indeed! Thank you so much for sharing this important post, Peta.
(Also? Maybe we should just call feeding babies of all ages via the boob “breastfeeding”, eh? “Extended breastfeeding” already throws a little judgement and seems a bit unsupportive.)