Couple’s raw Instagram post reveals the agony of fertility struggles
As the internet enables more and more people to share their very personal journeys, this couple is shedding some light on how difficult conceiving a baby can be.
Content warning: This post discusses miscarriage.
Seven miscarriages
Al and Jen are parents to two kiddos. They share the Instagram account It’s The Fergusons and have been tracking their efforts to grow their family on the social media platform.
It’s been an acutely painful experience for the couple, with the pair facing ongoing fertility challenges, in their efforts to have a third child.
Their latest share marks twelve months since they endured the seventh – and final – miscarriage.
Read more about miscarriage:
- Understanding miscarriage: What happens inside your body
- “I was just sobbing” Carrie Underwood endured three miscarriages in two years
- New organisation offers free support to women after early pregnancy loss
“12 months of heartache”
As a new month unfolded, this family were reminded of the babies they have lost to a series of miscarriage.
“October. 12 months since our seventh and last miscarriage,” Jen posted. “12 months of hoping. 12 months of dreaming. 12 months of bitter disappointment and heartache. 12 months of recording dates, taking supplements and using fertility tests. 12 months of planning, without spontaneity. 12 months of unspoken words and withheld emotions. 12 months of building walls around us. 12 months of frustration, jealousy and guilt. 12 months of hiding away, anxiety growing, mental health deteriorating.”
As Jen and Al endured the trauma of losing baby after baby, the distressed mum says people’s responses made things even harder.
“12 months of being shocked and upset at the responses, or lack of, those around us,” she wrote. “12 months of hearing people tell us how lucky we are to be able to get pregnant the last seven times in the first place. 12 months of fake smiling and nodding in agreement.”
“I didn’t feel lucky to have been pregnant and then to have miscarried seven times. I didn’t feel lucky to miscarry every six months for three years. I didn’t feel lucky to have 6 operations to complete a miscarriage that my body wasn’t able to complete alone.”
“I fear there is no hope”
But Jen says that she’s further down the track now and that she feels that some things are worse than a miscarriage.
“12 months later and I have changed my mind. They were right. Because 12 months of nothingness is deeper and darker than the 6 years of miscarriages. It hangs lower and weighs heavier. At least beforehand there was hope. A tiny glimmer of hope. Now I fear there is no hope. 12 months of nothingness. INFERTILITY.”
It’s a harrowing view of miscarriage, one shared in the hope that it will raise awareness of how traumatic losing a baby is – and one that other mums might see themselves in.
In the comments under the post, other parents shared their own stories of baby loss. They’re as heartbreaking as they are candid – and offer a raw glimpse into a painful experience that is suffered through by so many, but simply not talked about enough.
If you’re struggling with the loss of a baby, please don’t go it alone. SANDS counsellors are there to support you and provide helpful advice about living with loss.
MORE LIKE THIS ARTICLE
