Helping Your Toddler Adjust to a New Baby
Welcoming a new baby into the family is one of the most exciting experiences in life, yet it can also be one of the most challenging–especially when you already have a toddler. Arrival of a new child can cause a whirlwind of emotions, behaviors and transitions for all involved. It’s a big change for your toddler and it can lead to confusion, jealousy or insecurity. With some patience and preparation, you can make this transition easier for your toddler as well as the rest of the family.
Chris Minogue, a Mothercraft nurse, offers advice and guidance to help your child navigate this significant life transition. Her tips will help you to reduce any potential challenges and make the introduction of your baby easier for all involved. Understanding your toddler’s point of view and using practical strategies and empathy to approach the situation will help you make both your toddler, and the new child, feel loved and secure.
Here are seven steps that will help your child cope with their new sibling.
1. Be Prepared for Early Conversations about the New Baby
When it comes to helping a toddler adjust to the new baby, preparation is essential. Although they may not understand the concept of having a new baby, introducing it early and frequently will help to smooth the transition.
Talk to your child about the baby long before it is due. Start by talking about the growing baby inside you. You can use terms such as “there is a child growing within” and explain that there will soon be a little one in your home. Even though your toddler may not understand the full details, talking about the baby can help it to feel more natural and less of an unknown. You could say “There’s going to be a baby born soon in Mummy’s belly” and “You will become a big sister/brother.”
You should also make your toddler feel like he or she is part of the process. Encourage your toddler to use the baby’s name in all discussions and to include him or her when preparing for the new baby. Allow them to help you choose baby clothes, the crib or toys for the new baby. These simple activities will help your toddler to feel excited and included about the new baby.
The books you read to your child will help them understand what is coming. Many children’s stories are written for toddlers who will soon be big siblings. Titles such as I am a Big Brother and The new baby, are gentle titles that reassure your child about the changes to come. Use baby dolls as a way to show your child how to take care of a newborn. It’s a great interactive activity.
This early communication, even though toddlers are limited in their comprehension abilities, will help them to understand and accept the new member of the family.
2. Do not make major changes to your toddler’s routine
Avoiding major changes in your toddler’s routine during the six-week period before and after birth is the best way to help them cope.
Your toddler’s life is already changing when a new child joins the family. As they adjust to the new baby, their perception of their role within the family could change. It can be emotionally draining for them. Don’t add to their stress by changing their routine. Chris Minogue says that this can include delaying big milestones such as transitioning a toddler to a bigger bed, dropping naps or potty-training.
These changes could cause your toddler to feel stressed and confused. It’s better to allow them to adjust before you tackle other milestones. If you plan to move your toddler to a new bedroom, do it well before the arrival of the baby. It’s important to maintain as much consistency as possible for your toddler during this time of uncertainty.
Consider waiting to make changes until your toddler is comfortable with the new baby. Keep routines such as meal times, bedtime, and bath time as consistent as you can. This will allow your toddler to feel more secure and comfortable during an unpredictable time.
3. Don’t blame the baby for behavioral changes
When their world is turned on its head, it’s only natural that toddlers will act out. It’s not uncommon for toddlers to exhibit behaviors that they have never shown before when a new baby is born, including regression (e.g. thumb sucking or wanting to be carried), tantrums or being clingy. It’s important to not blame the new baby for these changes.
Chris Minogue advises parents to view these changes in their toddler as normal. Children often lack the emotional maturity to deal with the changes in their families. Acting out is a way to show feelings of insecurity, jealousy or confusion. The arrival of a sibling may cause them to feel disoriented and they will seek attention by acting out. It is possible that your toddler’s behavior is due to a period of emotional turmoil, not the arrival of the new baby.
It’s important that parents show patience and empathy, and avoid the temptation to be frustrated with the baby. Acknowledge your toddler’s emotions and reassure them instead of blaming him. Simple statements like “I understand it’s difficult to share Mummy’s attention with the new baby but we’re learning together” can help your child feel understood.
Your toddler’s behavior will return to normal after a while as they adjust to the new sibling. While you wait, stay calm, be consistent in your expectations and redirect any negative behaviors with praise and positive reinforcement.
4. Drive past the hospital: Separation preparation
It’s important to let your toddler know where you will be at the time of the birth. Take your toddler to the hospital a few weeks before your due date.
Chris Minogue suggests that you take your toddler to the hospital and explain the situation when the baby is born. Tell your child that when the baby is born, Mummy will leave for the hospital and Daddy will remain at home. Daddy will look after you and we will visit Mummy the next day. This will help your child to understand what is expected of him or her when you go to the hospital.
Talking about it in advance will also help to reduce any anxiety that your toddler might feel when you go to the hospital. This will help them understand what is happening and how they’ll be affected, making the transition easier.
5. Keep Hospital Visits Short
You’ll want to make sure that your toddler is included in all the excitement surrounding the birth of the baby. To avoid overstimulation, keep hospital visits brief.
Chris Minogue says that your toddler should only spend around 20 minutes at the hospital. It’s important to keep the hospital experience short and sweet for young children. The hospital is a place that can be confusing and overwhelming. Do not put your baby down if the baby is sleeping or eating. Use this time to talk with your toddler and ask about their day. Reassure them by giving them lots of hugs.
It’s fine to introduce your child to the baby if it is alert and awake, but do not force the interaction. Allow your toddler to interact with the baby at their own pace if they seem hesitant or unsure. Allow them to approach the baby only when they are ready. Do not force them to do so before they feel comfortable.
Tell your toddler that they will have more time to spend with the infant when you return home. This way, they won’t feel rushed to interact with it immediately.
6. Make the Most of Your Toddler’s Time at Home
Your time will be divided more than ever before once you bring the baby home. In the beginning, babies need constant attention. This can make it difficult to spend time with your toddler. It’s important to find ways to interact with your toddler even if you are busy.
You may be occupied with the newborn but try to find time to interact with your toddler. Talking to your child while folding laundry, playing during a feeding, or spending a quiet moment together before bed can have a significant impact on their sense of security.
Chris Minogue suggests creating a “toddler’s entertainment box” for your toddler to keep them entertained while you feed or care for the baby. This box could include simple toys, coloring books, or puzzles that will allow your toddler the freedom to play independently while still feeling part of the family. Keep the box close to your baby’s eating area so your toddler will feel included.
7. Create a Visual Calender to Help Your Toddler Understanding the Changes
A visual calendar is a great way to ease your toddler’s transition. Toddlers love routine and predictability. A visual calendar will help your toddler to understand what is expected and can provide stability in a time of transition.
Use photos or pictures to plan out the events of the coming weeks. You could, for example, create a calendar that has specific days designated to things like “visit Mummy in the hospital”, “go to a park with Dad” or “play with Grandma”. This visual guide will help your child understand that even though the routine has changed, familiar and reassuring activities are still going to take place.
The calendar is also available.
It can help your toddler anticipate events that are coming up, which is a great source of excitement and comfort. This helps your toddler stay involved with the family’s schedule and fosters a sense control at a time when they may feel like it is out of their control.
Conclusion
It is exciting for everyone to welcome a new baby into the family, but it can be a difficult time for toddlers. Toddlers can feel confused or insecure due to the shift in attention and routine, as well as the addition of a new member of the family. It’s important to prepare your child for the arrival.
You can help your toddler adjust to the new role of an older brother or sister by following the advice of experts and using strategies such as explaining the changes ahead, avoiding major transitions and involving them in the process. There may be some bumps in the road, like tantrums and moments of regression. But these are usually temporary phases as your child learns how to navigate the new family dynamics.
Your toddler will become more comfortable as the changes are made with patience, consistency and understanding. Over time, their bond with the baby will grow and the whole family will settle into a different rhythm.
It’s important that you and your child show grace during this time of adjustment. You can ask for help if you need it, even if the situation is not perfect. As your toddler learns to share in the love, care, and attention of the new baby, their relationship will grow.
