Parenting

How to Help Children Deal with Grief?

How to Help Children Deal with Grief?

 

Grief affects everyone regardless of their age. Children may be overwhelmed by the loss and the complicated emotions accompanying it. Adults often have the cognitive and emotional tools to help them navigate these feelings. Children may not understand the concept of loss, but they still feel it. Many children have already experienced death before they even know it. Death is frequently seen in cartoons, films, or even stories that family and friends tell. Loss is much more difficult for children to experience firsthand.

You may feel helpless as a parent, relative or caregiver. You can’t protect them from loss, but you can provide a safe place for them to express their grief. Allowing and encouraging children to express their emotions will help them develop the coping skills they need.

Understanding how children grieve

Grief is expressed differently by children and adults. It is common for children to show rapid mood changes after losing a loved one. One minute, they might be crying and the next, they could be playing with their toys. Parents may find this sudden change confusing or troubling. It’s important to keep in mind that these mood swings are part of the way children deal with loss. Children may use play as an emotional shield, allowing them to temporarily disengage from their overwhelming emotions.

Children can experience grief in a more unpredictable way than adults. Children may feel anxiety, sadness, guilt or anger. Children may be angry with the deceased because they left them or feel guilty if they did not do something to prevent the loss. All of these feelings are normal and can be confusing to both parents and children. Some children will even show signs of an earlier stage in development, such as bed-wetting or using baby talk. This is especially true if the child was previously emotionally stable. It is a way to find comfort in a time when you are feeling deeply distressed.

Mother comforting her daughter
Mother comforting her daughter

Encourage grieving children to express their feelings

Children need to be able to express themselves because keeping their feelings bottled up can hinder the grieving process. Young children may find it difficult to express their feelings in words. Creative outlets, such as creating scrapbooks, stories or drawings, can be very helpful in such situations. Reading is one of the best ways to start a conversation about grief. Many children’s stories address death and grief in an age-appropriate way. You can help your child to understand their emotions by reading these books together.

These activities allow children to process their emotions and externalize them. For instance, creating a scrapbook of photos of the deceased helps the child reflect on positive memories and preserve their connection with the person they have lost.

Father hugging her daughter
Father hugging her daughter

Be Developmentally Appropriate

The way children process grief depends on their age and level of understanding. It’s, therefore, important to adapt your approach to the child’s maturity. Children may not fully understand death as a part of their lives. Children may believe that the deceased will return to them if they act in a certain manner or do certain things, such as eating their vegetables and doing their homework. According to Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist and psychologist, children know that death is bad, but they do not yet understand its finality. Parents should be patient and offer simple explanations to avoid overloading the child. Children must be reassured by their parents that the situation they are in is normal.

Children of school age are beginning to accept the reality of death but still require guidance. Children may ask questions such as, “Why did it happen?” or “What’s going to happen next?”. It is important to answer their questions as honestly and openly as possible. It’s important to avoid euphemisms and be as clear as possible. Children may not want to know all the details of what happened, but they will appreciate your honesty. Truthfulness fosters trust, which helps children feel safe. It’s ok to admit that you don’t know all the answers. It’s more important to show that you are willing to listen to others and share your knowledge.

Be Direct–Avoid Euphemisms

It’s important to be direct when talking about death with children. It may be tempting to use euphemisms like “gone to sleep”, “gone to a more pleasant place”, or “gone into a better world” to make death seem less real, but these phrases are confusing for children. Children may be worried that someone else could “go to sleep” without ever waking up. It is important to use clear and straightforward language when talking about death or dying. Children can be very literal. Directness allows children to process their grief without fear or confusion.

Should children attend funerals?

It is up to each child’s emotional maturity and readiness whether they should attend or not. Attending a funeral can be a part of the grieving for some children. It allows them to say goodbye and helps them understand death’s finality. For some children, attending the funeral can be a difficult experience. They may feel overwhelmed, and if they are forced to go, it could add to their grief.

You must prepare your child in advance if you decide to bring them to a funeral. Describe the event to them in simple language, including what they can expect and what might happen. Prepare them for the visuals as well if there is a casket involved in the service. Tell them that it is okay to be sad and that others will cry. It will make the child more relaxed and comfortable if they understand that feelings are normal. You should also have a plan in place for what to do if a child gets upset at the funeral. Allowing them to leave the funeral if they are feeling overwhelmed can make them feel in control.

Some children may not be prepared for such a traumatic experience. There are still other ways you can mark your loss and bring closure. You can help your child process their grief by planting a tree, making a memory book, or releasing some flowers into the river.

Comforting Crying Sad Kid
Comforting Crying Sad Kid

The Afterlife: A Discussion

The concept of an “afterlife” can both comfort and confuse children who are grieving. This is a good opportunity to discuss your family’s religious or spiritual beliefs on what happens after death. These beliefs can give a child a sense of peace and continuity who is struggling to understand the situation. You could explain to the child that the deceased is now in a better location or lives on in the hearts and minds of the people who loved him.

You can offer comfort even if you do not share a specific religion by focusing on the concept of love and memory. The memories and stories of those who knew the person will continue to keep them alive even if they are no longer physically present. It is possible to honour the memory of a deceased person by creating a scrapbook or by planting a tree in their honour. This allows the child to feel connected with them.

You Should Not Ignore Your Grief

Grief is one of the most difficult emotions for children to deal with. It’s okay for you to show your feelings of sadness or loss in front of your children if you are struggling yourself. It’s important to show your child that it is normal for them to feel sad or upset. This helps them realise that grief and sadness are a part of everyday life. It’s important to keep emotional balance. Uncontrollable or explosive reactions can cause your child to become more anxious and teach them that extreme emotions are the only way they know how to deal with loss.

Staying with Routine

Children find comfort in familiarity during times of grief. Routines such as school, mealtimes and bedtimes can make a child who is grieving feel more secure. While it is important to grieve the loss of someone you love, life goes on. By sticking to routines, children can learn that life continues even when they are grieving. They can also rely on their daily environment to provide stability.

Grieving for a pet, a grandparent or a parent

The death of a beloved pet can be the first time a child has experienced loss. Children often have a special relationship with their pets, and the loss of one can cause them to feel deep sadness and confusion. Even if your pet wasn’t a family member, it is important to not minimize this loss. Give your child the time they need to grieve and talk about their feelings. Do not replace the pet immediately with another one. This can make it difficult for your child to deal with their feelings.

Children may feel fear and anxiety when a grandparent dies. Children may wonder, “Will my mother or father die too?” You must reassure children that death is part of life and that it does not mean their loved ones are at risk. Children who have lost one parent may be more afraid of losing their surviving parent. Reassure the child in such situations that they will always be loved and cared for. During this difficult time, it can be beneficial to rely on the support of extended family.

Child Psychologist with a Little Girl
Child Psychologist with a Little Girl

Therapists and other professionals can help you.

Children may experience difficulty in processing their grief or loss. They may even develop an adjustment disorder. This condition manifests as intense emotional distress, which interferes with the ability of a child to function normally. It may be helpful to seek counselling or therapy if you see that your child struggles to cope with their grief. A grief specialist can help your child develop healthy coping strategies and process their emotions.

Conclusion

A child’s life is forever changed by the death of someone they love. It can cause feelings of confusion, anger, or even sadness. There is no one right way to grieve. However, it is important that children feel validated and supported during this difficult period. Parents can help children cope with grief by encouraging them to express their emotions, maintaining normality, and providing honest, age-appropriate answers. Your guidance and support will help your children cope with loss healthily. The death of a loved one can forever alter a child’s future. This can lead to feelings of anger, confusion or sadness. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It is important for children to feel supported and validated during this difficult time. Children can cope with grief if parents encourage them to express themselves, maintain a sense of normality and provide honest, age-appropriate responses. Your support and guidance will help them cope with the loss of a loved one in a healthy way.

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