If you are about to welcome your first child into the world, you’ve likely heard the terms ‘sleep deprivation’, ‘meconium poos’ and ’blocked ducts’ thrown around enough to make you realise that life with a baby is not all bubble baths and giggles.
Life veers onto a whole new (slightly terrifying) course with little ones in our midst, and as parents, we have to roll with it.
Here are just some of the many familiar parts of life you’re likely to have to kiss goodbye when Bub enters your world. (At least for a while!).
Hoop earrings, or anything dangly
Newborn babies may appear harmless, but don’t be fooled – they’re strong! With incredible grip from the get go, it can take some serious work to pry miniature fingers from any object. And if that object is attached to your body, the situation could get gnarly. Stick to studs, sisters.
Watching a movie from start to finish
Aside from the fact that babies are programmed to wake up at crucial cinematic moments, you’ll struggle even to choose a film that doesn’t offend your cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat sensitivity. If by chance you do (thanks to Jennifer Anniston or Kate Hudson), you’ll fall asleep within fifteen minutes. Guaranteed.
Your favourite lippy
No matter how many times a day we pick up our delicious babies, we tend to smother them in kisses every time. But while kisses are awesome, plastering babies in Loreal Colour Riche could be cramping their style, to say the least.
Because when you are speaking in vowels for twenty hours of the day, things tend to turn to mush upstairs. And be warned, Baby Brain tends to stick around.
Romance (the way you knew it)
Because at the end of a Friday you can’t get the smell of baby spew out of your nose, you’re exhausted and there’s no way on earth you could possibly manage an adult conversation.
The candles and date nights might be on hold, but fear not, romance takes on a new form as you find you’ve never needed your partner more – for moral support, a shoulder to cry on and menial tasks like filling up the tank with petrol and grabbing take-away without being asked. Now that’s romantic.
A worry-free mind
When babies are awake, we’re attuned to their every move. When baby is asleep, we’re still attuned to their every move. The tiniest sigh, gurgle or hiccup will send us rearing up out of a semi-sleep state, straight to the cot to check that everything is alright. As the saying goes, a mum never stops worrying. Ever.
Your own personal hygiene
Did I shower today? Did I shower yesterday?? Don’t worry, it happens to all of us. If you can get a few showers in each week, you’re totally winning. (Three cheers for dry shampoo!)
Once they start talking, you can farewell the luxury of finishing a train of thought
As a child I never understood why my busy mum would say, ‘I don’t have time to think about that right now.’ Now I say the same thing to my kids, because the satisfaction of completing many thought processes rarely happens until I finally get to bed – if sleep doesn’t get me first!