20 lies you’ve most likely told your children

Posted in Family.

Okay, I admit it – I lie to my kids. Yes, it’s wrong. But it’s always for a good cause. Sometimes it’s in an attempt to avoid a meltdown. Sometimes it’s in hopes they will stay quiet for a few minutes longer. And sometimes it’s simply because I really don’t want to share.

Do any of these little white lies sound familiar?

 1. Eat your carrots, it will help you see in the dark

My parents pulled this one on me all the time. And so the cycle continues. Carrots will help you see in the dark and spinach will help build your muscles. I’m sure there is a bit of truth to these!

Translation: Yes, I have resorted to inventing superpowers to convince you to consume your veggies. 

2. I don’t know where your lollies from the party bag went

Are you SURE you didn’t eat them?

Translation: I got hungry. 

3. The ice cream truck is out of ice cream 

That’s why they play that music, to let us know there’s no more ice cream for today!

Translation: I CBF chasing him down the street.

4. If you stay in the shower too long the water police will come

If you have water babies, then you know this struggle all too well.

Translation: Save me some hot water! 

Boys fighting in the backseat of the car

5. I’m pulling over and you’re getting out of this car

This is another gem from my youth that has done the rounds in our vehicle now too. How about you?

Translation: Stop screaming at each other from the back seat. 

6. The walls have ears

As kids get older they quickly discover that you don’t have omnipotent powers. But that doesn’t mean you can’t try your luck with the walls!

Translation: Even when I’m not in the room, I know what’s going on. 

7. The iPad’s battery is flat

We use this one a lot in our house. And often it’s the truth.

Translation: In an attempt to limit your screen time, I hid your iPad somewhere in the house and I can’t remember where.

9. There is no dessert

Let’s just pretend you didn’t see that pack of doughnuts on the counter.

Translation: I’m waiting for you to go to bed before I open the box. 

Pregnant woman reclining eating an iced donut

9. Santa is watching you

Who has pulled the Santa card out before? It may be wrong, but it certainly seems to work! The Easter Bunny is also fair game for this one.

Translation: Please, for the love of Santa, stop fighting with each other! 

10. If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that

You know the face – the scrunched-up ‘I’m-about-to-scream-in-the-middle-of-the-store’ face. This little white lie just may postpone the inevitable.

Translation: Tantrums will get you nowhere, my friend. 

11. Yes. It’s chicken

Okay, so it’s green and slimy and healthy … but it’s still chicken.

Translation: Eat your spinach.

12. It’s past your bedtime

Don’t you love the days before the kids can tell the time?

Translation: I have a date with Netflix tonight. 

13. You won’t like it – it’s spicy

When you really don’t want to share, pull out the spicy card. Works every time.

Translation: I really want to eat this without you stealing my food. 

14. The shopping centre ride is broken today

Yes, when the lights are flashing, that means the ride is broken.

Translation: I am not spending $2 to watch you vibrate for 15 seconds.

15. The play centre is closed today

I’ve also pulled out the ‘play centre is being painted today’ in an attempt to avoid the crowds on a Saturday morning.

Translation: We’re staying home today. 

Woman shrugging

16. You must have lost that toy

Oh, that toy that squeaks, plays music all night long or always ends up encrusted in the bottom of my foot in the middle of the night? I’m not sure where it is.

Translation: Sorry mate, it’s in the bin. 

17. I’m leaving without you

You’re running 15 minutes late and the kids are currently half dressed and wrestling on the carpet. This little white lie usually works. As an extra reminder to get a move on, make sure you turn the car on and open the roller door.

Translation: No shoes, no shirt, no worries – get in the car. 

18. There’s coffee in it

“There’s wine in it” is also a popular one in my household.

Translation: This is simply too delicious to share. 

19. The tooth fairy didn’t forget – she just got lost on her way to our house

Some other gems to try include, “the tooth fairy couldn’t get to your room because it was too messy,” “the tooth fairy only works on Tuesdays,” and, “the tooth fairy can’t fly in the rain”.

Translation: I forgot the bloody tooth fairy duties AGAIN.

20. The shop ran out of Kinder Surprise

It would appear they only stock Kinder Surprise once a month.

Translation: If it’s not bread, milk, cheese or wine, it’s not coming home with us.


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