Okay, I admit it – I lie to my kids. Yes, it’s wrong. But it’s always for a good cause. Sometimes it’s in an attempt to avoid a meltdown. Sometimes it’s in hopes they will stay quiet for a few minutes longer. And sometimes it’s because I really don’t want to share.
Do any of these little white lies sound familiar?
1. Santa is watching you
Who has pulled the Santa card out before? It may be wrong, but it certainly seems to work!
Translation: Please, for the love of Santa, stop fighting with each other!
2. I don’t know
Why didn’t the dinosaurs live in houses? How come Ironman can fly but Wolverine can’t? How does electricity work?
Translation: Ask your dad when he comes home.
Read more about the funny things parents and kids say:
- Tall tales parents tell their children
- People are teaching small children to say weird stuff and it’s delightful
- Kids are sharing TMI about body parts and we think it’s hilarious
3. Eat your carrots, it will help you see in the dark
My parents pulled this one on me all the time. And so the cycle continues. Carrots will help you see in the dark and spinach will help build your muscles. I’m sure there is a bit of truth to these!
Translation: Yes, I have resorted to inventing superpowers to convince you to consume your veggies.
4. If you stay in the shower too long the water police will come
If you have water babies, then you know this struggle all too well.
Translation: Save me some hot water!
5. I’m pulling over and you’re getting out of this car
This is another gem from my youth that has done the rounds in our vehicle now too. How about you?
Translation: Stop screaming at each other from the back seat.
6. The walls have ears
As kids get older they quickly discover that you don’t have omnipotent powers. But that doesn’t mean you can’t try your luck with the walls!
Translation: Even when I’m not in the room, I know what’s going on.
7. The iPad’s battery is flat
We use this one a lot in our house. And often it’s the truth.
Translation: In an attempt to limit your screen time, I hid your iPad somewhere in the house and I can’t remember where.
9. There is no dessert
Let’s just pretend you didn’t see that pack of doughnuts on the counter.
Translation: I’m waiting for you to go to bed before I open the box.
9. I don’t know where your lollies from the party bag went
Children’s lollies are sometimes just too hard to resist.
Translation: I got hungry.
10. If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that
You know the face – the scrunched-up-I’m-about-to-scream-in-the-middle-of-the-store face. This little white lie just may postpone the inevitable.
Translation: Tantrums will get you nowhere, my friend.
11. Yes. It’s chicken
Okay, so it’s green and slimy and healthy…but it’s still chicken.
Translation: Eat your spinach.
12. It’s past your bedtime
Don’t you love the days before the kids can tell the time?
Translation: I have a date with Netflix tonight.
13. You won’t like it – it’s spicy
When you really don’t want to share, pull out the spicy card. Works every time.
Translation: I really want to eat this without you stealing my food.
14. The shopping centre ride is broken today
Yes, when the lights are flashing, that means the ride is broken.
Translation: I am not spending $2 to watch you vibrate for 15 seconds.
15. The play centre is closed today
I’ve also pulled out the “play centre is being painted” today in an attempt to avoid the crowds on a Saturday morning.
Translation: We’re staying home today.
16. You must have lost that toy
Oh that toy that squeaks, plays music all night long or always ends up encrusted in the bottom of my foot in the middle of the night? I’m not sure where it is.
Translation: Sorry mate, it’s in the bin.
17. I’m leaving without you
You’re running 15 minutes late and the kids are currently half dressed and wrestling on the carpet. This little white lie usually works. As an extra reminder to get a move on, make sure you turn the car on and open the roller door.
Translation: No shoes, no shirt, no worries – get in the car.
18. There’s coffee in it
“There’s wine in it” is also a popular one in my household.
Translation: This is simply too delicious to share.
19. The tooth fairy didn’t forget – she just got lost on her way to our house
Some other gems to try include, “the tooth fairy couldn’t get to your room because it was too messy,” “the tooth fairy only works on Tuesdays,” and, “the tooth fairy can’t fly in the rain”.
Translation: I forgot.
20. The shop ran out of Kinder Surprise
It would appear they only stock Kinder Surprise once a month.
Translation: If it’s not bread, milk, cheese or wine, it’s not coming home with us.