You’ve grown up. You’ve settled down. And you’ve taken the next step. You may even have a dog. And a savings account. And a mortgage. In fact, you have this whole ‘adulting’ thing figured out, for the most part.
So how different can it really be when going from a twosome to a threesome (and beyond)?
We are SO glad you asked.
Buckle up, dads-to-be. Here are 11 things that will change after you have kids, none of which you have read about in What to Expect …
1. Your partner’s breasts suddenly have a whole new purpose
Sorry men, but once the baby comes, they become baby’s meal ticket, not your toys.
2. You’ll discover a previously unknown love for grocery shopping
Because escaping to ALDI to pick up stuff for the house will not only win you brownie points at home, you’ll probably actually love the solitude. (This is a secret that mums everywhere have been keeping to themselves!) Let’s be honest, who among us doesn’t love trawling the Special Buys aisle and coming home with everything from ski gear to chainsaws to a pair of leather boat shoes?
3. You have to share your Xbox
And LEGO sets. And Star Wars figurines.
4. Staying up all night no longer involves alcohol
Or mates. Rather, it normally involves colic and baby spew.
Both situations can get messy though.
5. You learn new skills you never thought you would need to know
Like how to plait hair. And the names of every single Shopkins.
And how to get up in the morning without making a single sound for fear that you might wake up everyone in the house.
6. Your work days may end, but work never does
Because when you get home at 5pm, you can expect a kiss from your partner followed by a baby being thrust into your arms, with a plea of, “Here, take her. For the love of God, TAKE HER.”
7. You start to attend tea parties
Fancy dress is often a requirement and the other guests are normally stuffed animals.
8. It becomes perfectly natural to spend more than 20 minutes in the loo
Before kids, you probably didn’t waste too much time in the bathroom. Business done. Out you go. But now … well, now “going to the toilet” means you can check the scores, read the news, text a mate and enjoy several minutes of solitude every day.
9. Excitement revolves around your kids’ feats, not just your own
Sure, catching a barra is still as awesome as ever, but not as awesome as watching your son catch his first one. That overwhelming pride is indescribable.
Even seeing your son wee on the lawn for the first time instead of in his nappy can bring an incredible sense of joy (and most likely a strong desire to share the news with your workmates the next day).
10. There is no such thing as last-minute plans
Think your Mrs. is hard to get out the door in time? Haha. If you have to leave the house at 2pm on a Saturday, it’s probably best to start getting ready at 4:30am. Just to be sure.
11. You have a mate for life
And one that looks up to you in every way possible. Yes, it’s a big responsibility, but it’s one that I think all dads will agree, is the best responsibility in the world.
So, there you go, dads. Now you’re ready. And although I may not be a new dad myself (just your standard mum of two wild children), the inspiration comes from all the great dads, grandpas and step-dads around me. Kudos to you and to every other dad out there, who prove that life may change once you become a parent, but only for the better.
This post was originally published on 19 August 2016