We’re learning a lot as we cast our eye over various parents’ Christmas hacks and tips. Take Brittany Mease’s helpful advice for instance. Oh my gawd.
Not that shelf
Brittany kindly let us know that if you temporarily hide your Elf on the Shelf in the oven, then forget he’s there and turn the oven on, a strange smell will seep into every part of your home and the Elf’s head will pretty much explode, his tiny toasted form gruesomely resembling how many of us feel at this very busy and expensive time of the year.
Thank you, Britt!
*colorful language warning*Mom of the year award goes to yours truly 🙋🏼♀️🥇🏆Y’all know I can’t stand doing Elf on…
“Mom of the year”
“Mom of the year award goes to yours truly,” Brittany admitted, explaining that Elf on the Shelf is one of her non-favourite festive things, but she reluctantly submits to the responsibility of Elf-ownership because her kids love this Christmas ritual.
Apparently, when Brittany and her kids got their elf out this year, he was a little the worse for wear. No matter though, because this clever mum had a crafty plan. *wince*
“Elfis, our elf that we’ve had for 5 years, arrived on December 1st with a broken leg and blamed it on the kids for leaving their toys out, saying he tripped and broke his leg but Doc McStuffins fixed him up and put a cast on him. The note told the kids that he was on strict bedrest orders and couldn’t move for 14 days.”
On bed rest
Basically, Brittany sneakily gave herself a two-week pass from moving Elfis, planning to check back into the program on December 14th. Except she didn’t. Yep. She forgot all about him because a) Christmas and b) denial and c) mother-flipping Elf-itis.
Brittany said it took a little while for her kids to realise that the elf’s bedrest had lasted WAY longer than the scheduled 2 weeks. Of course, they were dead keen to resume the usual elf programming, ASAP.
Sensing their excitement, and desperate to redeem herself and not ruin Christmas, a frantic Brittany decided to hide the elf until she could sort out his next move. She was going to make it a GREAT one, so she needed to distract the kids and remove the elf from view.
“I grabbed him off the kitchen counter and quickly tossed him in the oven until I could move him later and not raise any suspicion.”
Out of sight …
There Elfis remained, biding his time in the oven’s dark and out-of-bounds recesses waiting for Brittany’ genius next move. And here’s where it all went very, very pear-shaped.
Blinded by the to-dos of Christmas, Brittany erased all awareness of the elf from her memory. And then … “The kids wanted leftover pasta for lunch … I preheated the oven and started cleaning the kitchen. About 4 minutes later I started to smell something REALLY funky and that’s when all hell broke loose and I broke my son’s heart.”
Oh god, I KNOW.
She was chatting to her friend as she waited for the oven to heat up. Then … “I yelled “F*CKKKKKKKKK!!!! THE ELF! THE F*CKING ELF IS IN THE OVEN.”
A panicked Brittany rushed to save the elf, at the exact same moment her little boy rushed into the kitchen to see what all the yelling and swears were about. We’ll let Brittany describe the scene:
“[Her son] came in the kitchen with excitement – literally the happiest I think I’ve seen him since he got out of the hospital – thinking our elf was back, but his world fell apart as we were using kitchen utensils to get our burnt and melting elf out of the damn oven.”
It was a harrowing sight, to say the least. HARROWING.
Brittany then had to roll out some very serious damage control and call in the big (red) gun. Yup. SANTA.
“I’m having to scramble and find the other elf we have and then I have to call Santa (in front of the kids) and ask him if he will please pick Elfis up tonight. Ya know, since he is unable to make it to the North Pole to get fixed because his head literally popped off from being too hot once we pulled him out of the oven and his feet are completely melted off. Damn this Elf on the Shelf shit. Wish me luck. Let’s see how I get myself outta this one.”
Brittany updated her post a little later, revealing that while her son was a little broken-hearted by the elf’s scorched, exploding antics, her daughter was far from distressed about the elf’s demise. She was, in fact, jubilant that the elf could no longer spy on her and report back on any not-nice behaviour.
“She’s a savage child,” Brittany summed up.
We wish Brittany and her family a very merry Christmas and thank her for this cautionary tale. *nods earnestly*