Move over man-flu, it’s time to pay a little attention to the mum-flu. We mums barely break our stride while nursing a temperature nudging 40°C and struggling to breathe. School drop off – done. Washing – on the line. Sympathy – non-existent.
These are the mum-flu truths we know too well …
1. Your ban on the kids using electronic devices during the week is swiftly lifted
iPads for everyone!
2. Tinned spaghetti becomes a perfectly acceptable lunch and dinner option
Here’s the can opener, kids. It’s time to learn to fend for yourselves.
3. School lunch orders are now an everyday treat
Get your fill of nuggety goodness little ones, this won’t last forever.
4. You can barely breathe, speak or function – but insist you’re ‘fine’
Stoicism is a trademark of motherhood, much like spew-stained tees and mum buns. It’s going to take more than a spiky fever to bring you down!
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5. Your partner barely notices the disturbance in The Force
It’s business as usual – if you can lift at least one finger, you’re capable of keeping the house going.
6. The baby decides cluster feeding is a thing
Day and night. Fun times.
7. You suffer in silence
Any sign of weakness and those kids will be into the banned craft tub before you can lift your sorry self off the couch.
8. The mere suggestion of dragging yourself to the doctor is laughable
Remember: stoic. But getting the doctor to come to you, well that’s perfectly acceptable.
9. You’re able to keep it in perspective
Razor-blade throat, cold sweats, achy joints … you take it all in your stride because: birth.
10. You dare to close your eyes, and you somehow sleep through a toy hurricane
And you thought you felt ill before you feel asleep.
11. Your toddler’s tantrums reach level: Expert
Much like wild animals, they prey upon the weak.
12. Your house turns into some weird Lord of the Flies remake
You fell asleep again, didn’t you?
13. You start feeling better … and everyone else gets sick
And you better believe they feel so much worse than you ever did.
This post was originally published on 7 July 2016