Mum’s raw photo: “This is me, at the peak of my postpartum depression”

Posted in Family Health.
sponsored-image

Content warning: this post discusses depression and suicide.  

When young mum Tori Block shared a photo featuring her struggling to feed her baby boy in 2018, the image sparked an important discussion about postnatal depression (PND).

View this post on Instagram

This is a picture I most likely will not keep up for very long. This is me, at the peak of my postpartum depression. I asked Shiloh to take a picture of me, so I could remember how far I’d come, if I ever came out of it. I was lower than low, I wasn’t even myself. Looking back at this photo I remember perfectly the pain I felt, the dread in waking up everyday, the physical pain that engulfed me from thoughts in my brain. I had never known consuming, mind altering emotion such as this that flooded every fiber of my being, making its way through my veins like a plague. This is what postpartum depression looks like, or at least what it did for me. I didn’t want to leave this life, but it seemed like the only way that would rid me of the pain I was in. I didn’t ask for it, it wasn’t welcome. But there it was, and I kicked its fucking ass and beat it to the ground before I let it consume me, or much worse, take my life. #thisisppd . . . . #ppd #postpartumdepression #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #overcomingppd #mentalhealthsupport #communityovercompetition #stopcensoringmotherhood #motherhoodunited #motherhoodrising #motherhood #takebackpostpartum #momblogger #empoweredbirthproject #mindfulparenting #mindfulmama #consciousmotherhood #motherhood #tribedemama #birthofamama #thechampionsorg

A post shared by Tori⚡️ (@torii.block) on

“The dread of waking up”

Tori said the photo clearly snapshots the feelings of hopelessness and fear she experienced after her son Bodhi’s birth.

“Looking back at this photo I remember perfectly the pain I felt, the dread in waking up everyday, the physical pain that engulfed me from thoughts in my brain.”

She recalls how overwhelming these intrusive feelings were, and how she battled to navigate these difficult days.

“I had never known consuming, mind altering emotion such as this that flooded every fiber of my being, making its way through my veins like a plague. This is what postpartum depression looks like, or at least what it did for me. I didn’t want to leave this life, but it seemed like the only way that would rid me of the pain I was in.”

Sharing the pain

Tori hopes that by bravely sharing her darkest time, she’ll give hope to other mums, and perhaps prompt them to reach out for support.

“I didn’t ask for it, it wasn’t welcome,” she wrote. “But there it was, and I kicked its f*cking ass and beat it to the ground before I let it consume me, or much worse, take my life.”

Other mums chimed in instantly, relieved that someone had shared an experience that is (very wrongly) often stigmatised.

Many were currently in the thick of PND, while others were still able to connect with the scary and confusing feelings they’d experienced after the birth of their own babies, often years before.

“This is where I am now,” one of Tori’s followers posted. “Struggling to say the least. Thank you for showing me I am not alone.”

“It was a long, long time ago after my oldest was born,” one woman revealed. “It’s been a long road healing all of the damage caused, but it’s healed nonetheless.”

“I wish I had this platform during when I had my son in 2013 and suffered horribly in silence,” another mum wrote. “Wondering what was wrong with me, and I thought I was literally dying. It’s so refreshing to see you and others put their stories out there so they know they are not alone. We can all be the light in someone’s darkest time.”

The message here is that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that mums need to be compassionately supported while suffering with PND.


If you think you – or someone you know – might be suffering from postnatal depression or anxiety, please take that first step and reach out for support. PANDA or Beyond Blue are waiting to help.

 

Parent School footer dinkusNeed some support to be the best parent you can be? Our Parent School parent coaching experts can help. Click to find out more or book a one-on-one session.  

Share

Get more babyology straight to your inbox