Mother-in-Law’s Annoying Baby Advice
A new parent’s guide to the annoying advice of your mother-in-law about babies
It is an exciting time to welcome a newborn baby into your family. This is a time of excitement, joy and challenges. Along with the joy, you may also have to deal with unsolicited advice, especially from your mother-in-law (MIL). Your in-laws may not have the same parenting styles as you, but the arrival of your child can bring them into the spotlight. Some MILs may be supportive and understanding, while others might be persistent with their advice, which is often not what you want.
You are not the only one who has to deal with your MIL’s persistent and sometimes annoying advice. New parents often face the same challenges. You might find it annoying when your MIL gives you advice that is not based on current methods or outdated ideas. How can you handle these situations without creating a family conflict? We’ll break down the most common irritations and helpful strategies to manage them.
Common types of annoying baby advice from MILs
It can be overwhelming to become a parent for the first time, as everyone, from your parents to your partner’s family, has an opinion about how you should raise your baby. When it comes to the mother-in-law, advice is often more personal because she has already raised her children.
These are the most common and frustrating pieces of advice that new parents receive from their mother-in-law.
1. The Infamous Wind Advice
The term “the wind” is used by some mothers-in-law to describe gas, colic or other discomforts in babies. They always have the same advice: “Make sure to get the wind out.” This includes strange suggestions such as rubbing baby oil onto the stomach, using specific massages for babies, or swaddling a baby in a manner that releases gas. Modern parenting knowledge tells us, however, that babies cope with discomfort in different ways. While it can be frustrating to hear the same “wind” advice over and over again, you should remain calm, acknowledge your MIL’s good intentions, and stick to what works for your child.
2. Does Your baby get enough milk?
This is a common piece of advice, especially if you are breastfeeding. You may be asked frequently by your MIL, “Does the baby get enough milk?” O, “Are we sure that you are producing enough?” This question can make you feel hurt or defensive, especially if you already work hard to ensure that your baby gets enough food. Although her concern is based on love and caring, you should remind her that she’s the expert when it comes to your baby’s requirements. Consult a lactation consultant or pediatrician if you are worried about bottle-feeding or breastfeeding.
3. You are not going to feed that baby again, are you?
As a new parent, you will spend a lot of time breastfeeding or bottle-feeding your baby. Your MIL may question your decisions and even suggest that you are overfeeding your child. You might “spoil” your baby by frequently feeding it. Some MILs base this on their own experiences when they were forced to put babies on strict schedules. When your MIL is concerned, it’s easy to think you’re not doing things right. It’s important to remember that every baby is different and will have different feeding needs. This is especially true for newborns. Instead of explaining your decisions repeatedly, trust yourself and know that you are doing the best thing for your baby.
4. Swaddling – Is it Necessary?
It’s a centuries-old technique, but it still can raise eyebrows in older generations. Your MIL might ask why you swaddle your baby if she didn’t do it. She might even loosen your swaddle as she holds your baby because she thinks it is unnecessary. Swaddling has always been controversial, but it’s proven to help some infants sleep better because it mimics the snugness that they feel while in the womb. Don’t let the disapproval of your MIL affect your decision to swaddle your baby if it helps them sleep. Explain to her why it’s working for you and your child, and remind her politely that things can change.
5. The Brandy on the Pinky Fix
It’s an old remedy, but some MILs love to share it. Some parents used to believe that rubbing a little brandy onto their baby’s pinky would help calm down colic and aid in sleeping. It may have been acceptable to previous generations but is now widely considered dangerous. Alcohol can be harmful to a developing baby, and medical studies have not shown that it helps with sleep or colic. You must be firm and explain politely that you follow modern, safe practices to ensure your baby’s well-being and health.
6. We didn’t use fancy things, we just put the baby in a drawer
You’ve heard it before: “Back in the day, we didn’t need these fancy gadgets.” The baby was put in a cupboard to sleep. While parents of the past might have been able to get by with less baby gear, parenting has evolved. There are new safety standards and better ways to care for a baby than placing them in a suitcase or drawer. Instead of getting defensive, acknowledge that your MIL is nostalgic for the “good old times” and explain that you are following current guidelines to ensure safety and comfort for your baby.
7. Unsolicited comments about your baby’s name
The name you choose for your child is one of the personal decisions that parents make. Your MIL will still comment on the name. Her comments may sound more like disapproval rather than constructive feedback because she might not have understood your choice. It’s not personal if she says, “That’s a nice name ” or “That’s a good name “. The name you choose for your baby is an expression of your relationship with your partner. Your MIL’s opinion is important but shouldn’t influence your decision.
8. The Overbearing “I Want to Be Called Something Special
Some MILs are compelled to give themselves a unique name as a grandmother. Some MILs insist on calling themselves something unique or quirky, such as “Gigi”, “Nana”, or even “Grandma”, even though “Grandma” and “Grandmother, are perfectly acceptable. It’s not surprising that your MIL would like to be called something unique as a grandmother. However, you should set some boundaries if this is making you uncomfortable. You and your partner should agree on what you are comfortable with and then communicate this to your MIL.
9. The “Sh-sh” Method
Some MILs believe that shushing a baby will calm it down. Although gentle shushing is calming to some babies, it can become frustrating if it’s done in an overbearing manner. When you are holding your baby to soothe it, and your MIL insists that she take over using her methods, even when these are not necessary, this can make your efforts feel dismissed. Remind her gently that you have it under control and are trying out a new approach for your baby.
How to Deal with Your MIL’s Annoying Advice for Babies
Let’s look at how to deal with these annoying baby advice pieces. Your MIL may not be trying to be intrusive, but she might be worried, excited or eager to tell you what worked for her. Here are a few tips to help you manage these situations without creating unnecessary tension.
1. Be kind and patient
Try to imagine yourself in the shoes of your MIL. She is likely to be excited about being a grandmother and wants to get involved in the life of your child. Even if her advice is outdated or uninvited, demonstrating patience and kindness can help maintain a peaceful relationship. While politely observing your boundaries, acknowledge her good intentions.
2. Let your partner take the lead
It may be useful to let your partner communicate your boundaries if you feel that the advice of your MIL is getting too much. Unifying your front will help to prevent tensions from being centred on you. Your partner’s concern can be more effective when it is expressed in a manner that not only makes your MIL understand your concerns but also communicates your parenting decisions.
3. Set Boundaries
You can set boundaries with your MIL. You may want to discuss how often and when you are willing to accept advice or what your childcare preferences are. Be firm but gentle. Don’t explain everything to your MIL. Just let her know that you have chosen a different path.
4. Choose Your Battles
Some advice is not worth fighting for. You should consider whether or not the matter at hand warrants a confrontation. It may be easier in some cases to ignore your MIL’s remarks and concentrate on maintaining a good relationship.
5. Thank You for Your Helpful Advice
Thank her when she gives you advice that is useful or thoughtful. Positive reinforcement will encourage your MIL to offer more thoughtful advice in the future.
6. Laugh It Off
HuHumouran be a great way to reduce tension. Try laughing off your MIL’s advice if it seems out of date. Humour is a great tool to keep awkward situations lighthearted and ease the tension.
Conclusion
It’s not necessary to become frustrated by my mother-in-law’s uninvited baby advice. You can handle these situations gracefully by setting boundaries, being open with your partner and being patient. Your MIL probably loves your child, and she wants to help in her unique way. So try to look at the positives.
You know what is best for your child. It’s important to be respectful of your MIL and her opinion. However, you should make parenting decisions based on what is best for your family. Enjoy the journey of parenting, keep a sense of humour and stay united with your spouse.
