Raising Kids Without Grandparents: Building a Strong Family Unit
A proverb first-time parents often hear is: “It takes a village” to raise a kid.
It takes a Village….
This proverb refers to family, and in particular grandparents. However, due to geographic circumstances, estrangement, or the tragic loss of a loved one, many of us lack this type of support.
My parents are overseas, and my inlaws live interstate. The siblings of my husband and I are scattered across the United States. This is our first time as parents without the support of a tribe.
Our families visit us often, but it’s still not the same as when they lived nearby. This has created several challenges. ).
There are (albeit, small) benefits to not having your grandparents nearby.
The Disadvantages of Grandparents’ Less Parenting
First, I will give you the hard medicine – raising children without grandparents makes it all the more difficult.
No Babysitting is Available on Tap.
The grandparents spoil their grandchildren with unremitting doting and fussing.
Couples whose parents live just a few suburbs from them are usually delighted to receive requests for babysitting, whether it is regular or at the last minute.
Unfortunately, my husband and I can’t take advantage of regular babysitting. When the parents are here and we get to spend some time together, it is even more special because it is so rare.
The Ugly Face of Jealousy
As we approached the end of our first year as parents, I recall a few mums from my mother’s club who were shocked when I said that my husband and I had not been on an evening “date”, in more than a year.
It’s difficult to find someone who will care for your child if you don’t have any grandparents. You’ll feel a bit jealous of parents who have all their hands at work.
Missing Milestones
Early parenthood is filled with many wonderful moments. I’ll always remember the pride and joy I felt when I saw my son make his first tentative steps into the living room.
If you are not lucky enough to have your parents present when your child says their first words or takes their very first steps, then these milestones may need to be shared by phone and video. This is not as exciting as witnessing it live.
Grandparentless Parenting Has Its Advantages.
There are some benefits to parenting without grandparents, but they don’t make up for the negatives.
Quantity is Not as Important as Quality
We see each other almost every day when my parents or in-laws come to town.
They make the most of their time together because they know they will soon be returning overseas or interstate.
These visits are a great way to emphasize the importance of spending quality time rather than quantity.
FaceTime is Sacred
FaceTime and Skype make it easier for parents to see their son’s growth.
We can also maintain continuity in their relationship, so he won’t forget the faces and voices of his children when it has been several months since their last visit.
Your Substitute Tribe Will Be a Great Asset to You
If your immediate family is halfway around the world, it’s important to gather your “substitute tribe” – your closest friends, mothers groups, and other relatives who can be there for you during your parenting journey.
When you reach out to ask for assistance, people will be generous with their time.
7 Reasons Why Kids Need Their Grandparents
Grandparents are more than just a friendly pat on the back and some home-baked goodies. Children who have a close relationship with their grandparents enjoy many benefits. They gain a better understanding of their family’s history and are happier. Here are some of the reasons why you should be happy that your child has grandparents.
Values & Wisdom
Parents are the most influential people in their children’s lives. You try to teach them values and morals. The role of grandparents in the development of a child’s values is also important. The wisdom, stories, and lessons that grandparents impart about life will have a profound impact on the moral development of your child.
Supporting Pillars
Even if a child complains about you, grandparents are there to listen. When a child believes you are being unfair, grandparents can offer a sympathetic listener, and explain your reasoning to them in a manner that they will understand.
Grandparents Make Great Friends.
You can’t be a child’s best friend all the time, and children’s friends are often influenced by peer pressure. Grandparents are not as concerned about social or school situations as you are and can offer companionship free of peer pressure.
Mentors
Grandparents can be excellent mentors for children who are eager to pick up new skills. Your father may have a better way to teach a child how to tie their shoes than you.
Maybe Grandma is more willing to help with a child’s math homework than a tired parent. Maybe a child is inspired to learn woodworking, sewing, or even particle physics by a grandparent’s skill.
Links for Family History
From a child’s perspective, your parents may not like being called a “link to the past”, but that’s exactly what they are. Spending time with grandparents allows children to hear family stories and tales from the past. They also gain a better understanding of their family’s history.
Stability
Grandparents provide stability in a world that is constantly changing. This is particularly true for children who have divorced parents. Knowing that grandma or Papa is always there for them can provide a lot of comfort when they’re watching their parents split up.
Life changes do not have to be as traumatizing as divorce to upset a child. Children can be upset by a parent’s change in job (or unemployment period), a move, or even a change in school. When life becomes confusing or upset, knowing that Nana will be there is comforting.
Happier Kids
Kids with grandparents are happier and more stable emotionally. Researchers at Oxford University found that children who have grandparents actively involved in their lives are happier than those without grandparents.
A Boston University study found that children who were raised with grandparents had lower rates of depression than the average.
Grandparents do so much for your children, so why not give them a gift that shows you–and their grandchild–appreciate them? My Best Grandparent is a wonderful story told from the perspective of your child. It describes how much your grandchild loves their nana or papa.
You’ll Only Learn 9 Things If All Your Grandparents Are Gone
You’re surrounded by some of the most significant people in your life. They may even be your closest friends.
We will all face a time when our grandparents are no longer with us.
You will eventually find yourself, to put it simply, without grandparents.
Four years ago, my grandfather died from a heart attack at the age of 90. My grandpa, on my dad’s side, and Nana died three years earlier, a year apart.
When I was only two, my granny from my mother’s side died.
In my 24 years, I have come to understand that I am in an unusual situation for someone of my age. I think it’s because my parents were relatively late in having children, but many of my friends seem to still have one or two.
There are 11 things that I learned and felt during that time, that people who have lost grandparents will also know.
1. When your Friends Go To See Their Grandparents, You Can’t Help Feeling Jealous.
They spent their university breaks in Scotland or Yorkshire and went out to pub lunches and teas with grandma and grandad.
You spent yours at home, going about life as usual. You feel a little sad that this is no longer a part of your daily life.
2. Christmases are Particularly Strange
Your grandparents may have spent all of your Christmases at their house. I remember getting up early, packing the car, and driving up to Yorkshire (on a very empty motorway) to see my grandparents. That was how Christmas began for me.
The first few Christmases you don’t have that tradition of spending the day with your family, whether it be parents, siblings or even aunts and uncles may feel strange. It’s almost as if you are at a loss.
3.It Becomes Harder to Visit Your Other Family
Grandparents are great at uniting families. You might remember your family gathered around a large table, with grandma and grandpa in the middle.
It’s harder to get everyone together now that they’re gone. They may only be able to be seen as special occasions. Weddings.
4 . You Feel Bad That Your Grandparents Won’t Be Able To Attend Your Wedding.
But they’ll be there in spirit. Illustration by muffin (Metro)
About a month before my grandad died, my cousin got married. It was lovely that he could see it before he passed away.
As I am only 19, there is no way he can be at my wedding.
He was 90 and he may not have seen my wedding. I am in my mid-20s, far from being in a serious relationship that could lead to marriage.
5. They Will Never Be Great-Grandparents To Your Children
You may have been like me and not have great-grandparents.
It’s a shame that your children won’t have the chance to meet them.
6. You Are Sorry For Being a Brat.
God. The teenagers are terrible, aren’t you?
You can’t help but cringe when you look back on all the tantrums and cold shoulders that you have thrown at your family. What was it? You couldn’t visit your ex because of family obligations. You’re not going to the party or you have an awkward boyfriend or girlfriend?
7. The Questions You Never Asked But Should Have.
They have many years of experience. It’s all at your fingertips when they’re still around.
You should ask a lot of questions. What was life like in the swinging 1960s? And how did they manage to stay together for 70 years when most couples can’t last more than one year?
There are no answers to all questions.
8. You Try To Discover Any Connection or Link To Them.
By pure coincidence, I went to the same university where my grandfather lived. My sister followed me a year later.
Reading about Nottingham and living in Nottingham and reading books written by authors who had been to and lived in Nottingham helped me feel connected with my grandad’s life and the place even though he is gone.
My grandfather was in Nottingham many years ago. Picture: Emily Shackleton. 70 years later, both of his granddaughters went to university in Nottingham.
9. Your Memories With Them are Important
The life we have is short. You already know that.
You cherish the memories that you have with your grandparents, whether they were teaching you to ride a bicycle, or solving puzzles with them.
Even a simple chat or a cup of tea that you enjoyed once will always be remembered as a lovely memory.
