What New Mums Truly Need After Birth?

This is not a request for a late push present (I hate the term “push gift”). What does it mean that women who have children but do not push them out of the womb deserve no gifts? It’s not like I am publicly criticizing my partner for not cleaning the house (well, maybe just a little). Consider it a Public Service Announcement. New mothers need space and time for physical and mental recovery. What new mums truly need after birth is support, understanding, and practical help. It’s really that simple.

What New Mothers Need

Don’t Buy Her Flowers

You can’t go unannounced. Offer to watch the baby while she takes a shower or naps. Pop over to her house (not unannounced, you should never do so without notice) and ask if she would like someone to watch the baby for a while. While you chat, make her a cup of hot tea and fold some laundry (because there is always washing to do). Do what you can for the new mother in your life, whether it is your partner, a family member, or a friend.

Let’s Get Back to The Real World

I had little support around me, and my partner was required to go back to work almost immediately after the birth of our child. This left me with very little time to heal and rest. When I fell pregnant again, having moved closer to my support network, I promised that things would be different. I had to pull up the drawbridge and bunker down this time. It was not possible to squeeze my wobbly body into my activewear to rush to Coles and do a ‘big shop’. I was recuperating.

As anyone who has had a child will tell you, the concept of “sleeping while the baby sleeps” is ridiculous when your pre-schooler is running around. The idea of sleeping at all is a foreign concept. When your three-year-old still needs soldiers and dippy eggs, there is no time for rest or recuperation. Despite my best efforts, I was so exhausted during those few precious weeks that I became ill, sore, and had an eye infection so severe it looked as if I’d fought Mike Tyson 10 times.

It hurt me more than conjunctivitis to rush back to my real life after having a baby. I missed out on bonding with my child.

Bring Back Convalescence

This made me wonder: why do we not look after our new mums anymore? Amsterdam gives new mothers, for one week. The kraamverzorger will often pick up your children from school and do the grocery shopping. They can even bake special biscuits to give to visiting relatives. It sounds incredible.

The Dutch are not the only ones who prioritize the health of new mothers. Indian women can spend up to 60 days in confinement. The Indian women spend anywhere between 40-60 days in confinement (bliss!) to protect mum and baby from infection.

Around the world, women are encouraged by their midwives to recover physically from childbirth. In Australia, you will be lucky to receive a slap and a packet of powder to soften stools.

Help Each Other Recover

The opportunity to recuperate in Australia seems like a privilege reserved for those who are privileged, similar to extravagant push presents. What if we all helped each other recover? Consider being her kraamverzorger instead of going to your new mum and bringing a two-tier nappy cake. You can offer to make her lasagne or take the older kids to the park. The memory of this gesture will last much longer than a bunch of gerberas.

Do You Believe That Moms Should be Expecting Push Gifts?

We spoke to a variety of new parents about whether they think it’s fair to expect push gifts. You may be surprised by the presents that new moms want.

“Yes moms can expect push gifts”

We women do our best to ensure a healthy pregnancy for nine months. We eat right, exercise, avoid alcohol and smoking, and we try everything possible to have a baby. We endure the most excruciating pain for hours and hours before the big day. After that, there’s recovery time and challenges with feeding.

What’s wrong with expecting something as a token?

After my first baby, my husband did not buy me a gift. I didn’t even get flowers. It was 11 years ago and “push presents” were not popular. But I had just squeezed an 8-pound baby from my vagina. I don’t know what else would be more deserving than a gift.

He later told me that two of his close friends had given their wives jewelry to celebrate their babies’ births. I commented on how thoughtful and kind that was. He must have taken the hint seriously because he gave me a beautiful (and meaningful) ruby and diamond ring two years later when I was recovering from my C-section.

As the ring I received was extravagant enough, I did not expect to receive a third-child gift. (Fortunately, my third child’s birth month is the same as mine.) When we learned that baby number four would be arriving, I told my husband to get another gift for delivering four children in five years. I suggested that we get a new bag, one big enough to hold diapers and one for babies. My husband chose a gorgeous Fendi bag on his own. (See? (See?

I can’t count how many times I told my husband to not worry about his anniversary or birthday gift because we had a new set of skates for one of our kids, were saving up for a vacation with the family, or were too busy. It’s a big event to give birth, so I think it is perfectly acceptable to want a gift to commemorate the occasion.

The gift doesn’t need to be expensive, although I don’t mind if it is! It doesn’t have to be expensive (although I don’t mind if it is! Baby gifts are the most popular, but jewelry comes in second.

All I wanted during my pregnancy was a panini with prosciutto and brie. Every day I dreamed of the cured meats, soft cheeses, and creamy brie that I was forbidden to eat. Blaine, my faithful husband, promised that he would get me a celebratory lunch as soon as I had given birth, regardless of the time. Blaine kept his promise, even though our daughter Sophie arrived late at night.

He asked through tears of joy, “Do you think I can find a 24-hour store to buy the ingredients?” while our baby, who was only minutes old, wailed.

It was at that point that I laughed out loud when I thought of sending my husband to buy a sandwich. I can imagine that it would be even more absurd to send him out on a shopping spree for diamond earrings or an expensive bag. Although I can understand the desire to express gratitude for a partner, especially when they have done something monumental like give birth to a child, spending large sums of money on a gift is just a bad example of consumerism.

It’s also my opinion that expecting a gift post-childbirth is a denigration of our incredible ability as women to have babies. (But that’s another story). The sandwich was of no importance to me when Sophie was in my arms (it’s only a sandwich!) Her sweet face and her hand curling around mine completely erased the idea that I would want anything else.

Blaine was a great host when we got home. He went to find the pieces of the breast pump when I was having difficulty breastfeeding. He got me a cup with a lid, and a straw to allow me to lean over while nursing and sip water.

He cooked dinner. He cleaned the bathrooms. He massaged my back. He made me take naps and gave me baths. I would not have traded the attention he gave me (or the cup — for months I was parched) for any amount of jewelry.

I would have told my husband to return the extravagant gift he bought me. He and Sophie are — and will always be — enough of a gift. Do you know how many diapers these diamonds could buy?!

Budget-friendly Push Gift Ideas for New Mothers That They Can Use

• The best nursing pyjamas
• If she intends to breastfeed, a top-of-the-line electronic breast pump is recommended.
• Loungewear She’ll want to stay in those first few weeks after giving birth

Spending Money on a Gift She Will Remember for a Lifetime is a Great Idea.

• Give her something to look forward to in six months or one year.
• The gold or platinum Love Knot Pendant, or “Mama” Necklace.

 

What Every New Mother Needs From Her Village

Mothers can’t handle this alone. It is a beautiful, yet challenging journey to motherhood. She needs the support of her village, which includes her friends, family, and community, to help her through this time. I have compiled this list based on my own experience and the insights of other mothers.

1. Feed Her

Meals are one of the easiest and most effective ways to help a new mom. Nutrition is crucial for recovery, particularly in the early days when you are up all night and feeding your baby. You can either cook fresh food for her or bring her homemade meals.

When new mums are overwhelmed, they often reach for quick snacks. This can lead to a less nutritional diet. You can help her prioritize her health by providing healthy snacks or meals that are easy to reheat. If the food can be eaten with one hand, you’ll get bonus points. This will allow her to feed herself and her baby while she can focus on her.

2. See Her

New mothers also need attention. Babies are adorable, but they’re not the only ones who do. While it’s easy for new mothers to be swept up in the excitement of their newborns, taking the time to check on them is important. Listen to her experiences and feelings. Help her to find the support she needs if she is concerned about her mental well-being.

A safe place to express their feelings can make all the difference. Many new mothers feel overwhelmed or isolated. Offer to help her locate local support groups or lactation consultants if she is having trouble breastfeeding. Listen to her and guide her through her emotions and decisions. The emotional impact of being seen and heard is significant.

3. Be of Service

Helping your new mother in practical ways can make a huge difference. Simple acts of kindness can help relieve a lot of stress. You can make her tea, get a snack, put the dishes in the dishwasher, fold the laundry, or remove the trash. These small gestures will help her to feel less burdened.

Offer to play with her older siblings. This will give her the time she needs to catch up with chores or rest. Ask her what she needs at the store or if you could run any errands for her. It’s important to be proactive. Don’t wait until she asks for help. She might feel awkward.

4. Specific

Asking for help can be difficult for new mums. Asking open-ended questions like “Is there something I can do to assist?” or “Is it possible to put on some laundry?” will make her feel more comfortable.

You can help her accept assistance more easily by offering her concrete options. She will feel less burdened and more confident accepting your support.

5. Do Not Be Offended

The early days following childbirth can be physically and emotionally overwhelming. She may need privacy to bond with her child, recuperate from birth, and establish breastfeeding habits. Don’t be offended if she appears distant or declines to attend social events.

Respect her space instead and give her the time that she needs. Tell her that you are there when she is ready and make sure to check in periodically without being intrusive. Understanding will help you build a relationship that is supportive.

6. Be on Time

Be mindful of the timing if you are planning to visit. On-time arrival shows respect to her schedule which could revolve around napping and feeding. She may want you to arrive at a certain time because it is what she has planned her entire day around.

Keep in mind that new mothers have limited time and energy. It is better to have a short and thoughtful visit than an exhausting, long one. Your visit should be enjoyable, but you must also respect her needs.

Supporting the Mother, Not Just the Baby

We tend to focus on the baby and forget the mother, her needs, feelings, and well-being. This can cause feelings of neglect and isolation for the new mother, which can affect her mental health.

A postnatal doula’s role is to offer this type of support to new mothers. A doula offers emotional support, practical assistance, and resources that will help the mother feel empowered and cared for in her new role.

Please reach out if you would like me to be a part of your village, and get the support you need as you navigate motherhood. I’d love to give you the attention and care you deserve as you begin this journey! You don’t need to do it all alone. Let’s build a community of nurturing mothers who will support and uplift each other.