This is not a request for a push present that’s been given too late (I dislike the term “push present”). What does it mean to say that women who are mothers but don’t push a baby out deserve no gifts? This is not me publicly berating my partner for failing to clean the house before we arrived (well, perhaps just a little). Think of it as a Public Service Announcement. What new mothers want is the space and time to recuperate physically and mentally. It’s really that simple.
Don’t buy her flowers.
You can’t go unannounced. Offer to watch the baby while she takes a shower or naps. Pop over to her house (not unannounced, you should never do so without notice) and ask if she would like someone to watch the baby for a while. While you chat, make her a cup of hot tea and fold some laundry (because there is always washing to do). Do what you can for the new mother in your life, whether it is your partner, a family member, or a friend.
Let’s get back to the real world.
I had little support around me and my partner was required to go back to work almost immediately after the birth of our child. This left me with very little time to heal and rest. When I fell pregnant again, having moved closer to my support network, I promised that things would be different. I had to pull up the drawbridge and bunker down this time. It was not possible to squeeze my wobbly body into my activewear to rush to Coles and do a ‘big shop’. I was recuperating.
As anyone who has had a child will tell you, the concept of “sleeping while the baby sleeps” is ridiculous when your pre-schooler is running around. The idea of sleeping at all is a foreign concept. When your three-year-old still needs soldiers and dippy eggs, there is no time for rest or recuperation. Despite my best efforts, I was so exhausted during those few precious weeks that I became ill, sore, and had an eye infection so severe it looked as if I’d fought Mike Tyson 10 times.
It hurt me more than conjunctivitis to rush back to my real life after having a baby. I missed out on bonding with my child.
Bring Back Convalescence
This made me wonder: why do we not look after our new mums anymore? Amsterdam gives new mothers, for one week. The kraamverzorger will often pick up your children from school and do the grocery shopping. They can even bake special biscuits to give to visiting relatives. It sounds incredible.
The Dutch are not the only ones who prioritize the health of new mothers. Indian women can spend up to 60 days in confinement. The Indian women spend anywhere between 40-60 days in confinement (bliss!) to protect mum and baby from infection.
Around the world, women are encouraged by their midwives to recover physically from childbirth. In Australia, you will be lucky to receive a slap and a packet of powder to soften stools.
Help each other recover.
The opportunity to recuperate in Australia seems like a privilege reserved for those who are privileged, similar to extravagant push presents. What if we all helped each other recover? Consider being her kraamverzorger instead of going to your new mum and bringing a two-tier nappy cake. You can offer to make her lasagne or take the older kids to the park. The memory of this gesture will last much longer than a bunch of gerberas.
Do you believe that moms should be expecting push gifts?
We spoke to a variety of new parents about whether they think it’s fair to expect push gifts. You may be surprised by the presents that new moms want.
“Yes moms can expect push gifts”
We women do our best to ensure a healthy pregnancy for nine months. We eat right, exercise, avoid alcohol and smoking, and we try everything possible to have a baby. We endure the most excruciating pain for hours and hours before the big day. After that, there’s recovery time and challenges with feeding.
What’s wrong with expecting something as a token?
After my first baby, my husband did not buy me a gift. I didn’t even get flowers. It was 11 years ago and “push presents” were not popular. But I had just squeezed an 8-pound baby from my vagina. I don’t know what else would be more deserving than a gift.
He later told me that two of his close friends had given their wives jewelry to celebrate their babies’ births. I commented on how thoughtful and kind that was. He must have taken the hint seriously because he gave me a beautiful (and meaningful) ruby and diamond ring two years later when I was recovering from my C-section.
As the ring I received was extravagant enough, I did not expect to receive a third-child gift. (Fortunately, my third child’s birth month is the same as mine.) When we learned that baby number four would be arriving, I told my husband to get another gift for delivering four children in five years. I suggested that we get a new bag, one big enough to hold diapers and one for babies. My husband chose a gorgeous Fendi bag on his own. (See? (See?
I can’t count how many times I told my husband to not worry about his anniversary or birthday gift because we had a new set of skates for one of our kids, were saving up for a vacation with the family, or were too busy. It’s a big event to give birth, so I think it is perfectly acceptable to want a gift to commemorate the occasion.
The gift doesn’t need to be expensive, although I don’t mind if it is! It doesn’t have to be expensive (although I don’t mind if it is! Baby gifts are the most popular, but jewelry comes in second.
All I wanted during my pregnancy was a panini with prosciutto and brie. Every day I dreamed of the cured meats, soft cheeses, and creamy brie that I was forbidden to eat. Blaine, my faithful husband, promised that he would get me a celebratory lunch as soon as I had given birth, regardless of the time. Blaine kept his promise, even though our daughter Sophie arrived late at night.
He asked through tears of joy, “Do you think I can find a 24-hour store to buy the ingredients?” while our baby, who was only minutes old, wailed.
It was at that point that I laughed out loud when I thought of sending my husband to buy a sandwich. I can imagine that it would be even more absurd to send him out on a shopping spree for diamond earrings or an expensive bag. Although I can understand the desire to express gratitude for a partner, especially when they have done something monumental like give birth to a child, spending large sums of money on a gift is just a bad example of consumerism.
It’s also my opinion that expecting a gift post-childbirth is a denigration of our incredible ability as women to have babies. (But that’s another story). The sandwich was of no importance to me when Sophie was in my arms (it’s only a sandwich!) Her sweet face and her hand curling around mine completely erased the idea that I would want anything else.
Blaine was a great host when we got home. He went to find the pieces of the breast pump when I was having difficulty breastfeeding. He got me a cup with a lid, and a straw to allow me to lean over while nursing and sip water.
He cooked dinner. He cleaned the bathrooms. He massaged my back. He made me take naps and gave me baths. I would not have traded the attention he gave me (or the cup — for months I was parched) for any amount of jewelry.
I would have told my husband to return the extravagant gift he bought me. He and Sophie are — and will always be — enough of a gift. Do you know how many diapers these diamonds could buy?!
Budget-friendly push gift ideas for new mothers that they can use
- The best nursing pajamas
- If she intends to breastfeed, a top-of-the-line electronic breast pump is recommended.
- Loungewear She’ll want to stay in those first few weeks after giving birth
Spending money on a gift she will remember for a lifetime is a great idea.
- Give her something to look forward to in six months or one year.
- The gold or platinum Love Knot Pendant, or “Mama” Necklace.
Push Presents aren’t For Everyone
Jett’s speech to the soon-to-be mom was also a hit with many fans. He gushed, “You’re one of the most amazing people I know”, to his wife.
Many fans have commented on the video, “May this love come to me.” Some joked that they’d be showing the TikTok to their husbands or saving it for their future spouses.
Many commenters shared their modest push presents, like an epidural, in a hilarious way.
Another follower wryly recalled that their push gift was “watching [the labor nurse] throw something at [my fiance] because he would not wake up from his snooze to help me during my contractions.”
A commenter’s real-life push present? Another parent joked about a “$12,000 hospital invoice.” Still, another parent said, “The only gift I received was a scar from a C-section.” A mom-to-be joked that her push present would be “a giant boat of sushi.”
A commenter brought the topic closer to home by saying that they have to choose between gas and groceries each day. Pookie’s extravagant push gift was out of place for many fans given the financial struggles families face today.
One person joked “This would be my motivation to have a baby.”
Instead of feeling resentment towards the influencer, other fans showed their admiration.
My Push Past
As a mom-to-be of six children, I have some thoughts on the subject. My perspective has been shaped by some painful experiences.
After experiencing multiple miscarriages, I think the best present is to hold your baby in your arms. It’s hard to imagine a designer bag that could compete with the joy of holding your healthy baby in your arms. To be honest, even if I was given an item I had admired for years, I wouldn’t care.
I would rather receive a special gift for another event, like a holiday or birthday, so I could focus on what I am doing right now. It wouldn’t compete with my precious, new life that I was holding in my arms.
As such, I do not begrudge anyone for having or wanting a push gift. You deserve whatever makes you feel great in the moment. It can be a difficult experience to be pregnant, but we deserve our happiness on the big day.
