Self-Care Tips for Tough Mum Days

Some days sparkle like diamonds, filled with joy and laughter, making every moment feel magical, while other days look more like a big stinky poop, dragging us down with frustration and exhaustion. Ugh! That’s why self-care tips for tough mum days are essential to help us navigate the ups and downs of motherhood.

You are Not Alone

You may feel like you are not up to the job of parenting and that others do it better than you. Guess what? This is utterly untrue!

It is not my intention to minimize the awfulness of your day (tough days are the worst even if many people have them!) It’s important to remember that all parents have bad days, but they still manage to survive.

Let it be known that you are in good company. Let it be known, too, that a difficult day for a mother is not something you can do. It’s what parents can do. Here are six things you can do to reset your day and take care of yourself after a bad one.

1. Chat with a family member or trusted friend

When you first start, parenting can seem like an impossible, competitive, and sometimes isolated business. It can be very helpful to talk about your bad day with a friend or family member you trust.

A good friend will not only help you vent but also remind you about all your positive qualities. They can even provide you with a new perspective that could help you to relax and find stability. As the old saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved

You can write down your bad day if you have no one to confide in. This will help you get the thoughts out of your mind. If you don’t want to take the time to write down your thoughts, sometimes dictating them to yourself on the phone recorder can be a great way to stop the random thoughts from circling in your head. It sounds crazy, but it works!

2. Eat something nutritious

Although “feeding your emotions” is discouraged, eating something nutritious is sometimes a good idea. Particularly when you are exhausted and overwrought. (And possibly forgetting that adults need food too!)

Make something healthy and comforting if you have time to cook. Soup, salad or a quick stir-fry are all good options. To get the benefits of both nutrition and self-care, aim for healthy and tasty.

You don’t need to spend time cooking. Instead, put your child in a stroller or car, and go somewhere that will make you feel nourished and cared for, while also offering a change of scenery.

You could also try a glass or two of wine to end the day. Why not?!

3. Take it easy on yourself

Mums often expect too much from themselves.

There are many people around us who seem to be achieving everything. This can create a perfect storm of aspiration for mothers who measure themselves (perceived success) against others.

Mums feel pressured to be good. They are expected to work hard, look good, and feel good. Argh. It’s no wonder that mums feel overwhelmed at times and call their kids “butthead” when they are weak.

You’ll have a much better day if you can take a step backward, away from the “perfect parent” stress.

Do what you think is right. Slow down instead of constantly comparing and stretching to what appears to be the expected.

4. Go outside

As a mother of three grown children, I can assure you that a stroll in the park will always pay off.

It’s not only refreshing to get out of the house on a bad day but it reminds us of our place in the world.

You can boost your mood by walking your child in the pram. It will get your blood flowing and, if you are fast enough to walk, your endorphins might show up. This is a great way for your child’s mind to relax and concentrate on the trees, birds and flowers, rather than any less cheery stuff that was played with at home.

5. What was the best thing that happened to you on your worst day?

This gratitude journal is a combination of a Pollyanna habit, a Gratitude Journal, and a bright idea.

It’s easy to fall into despair when you think about the bad things or what could have been. But it’s more productive to try and shake off the sh*tty, and to think about things that went well.

Watch Steel Magnolias and learn to see the positive in difficult situations.

Understandably, we sometimes fall into these habits. We live in an age where bad news is popular and drama reigns supreme. But you don’t need to – just acknowledge the difficulties, and then go for the good stuff. You’ll be on your way to less stressful days much faster.

6. Plan for tomorrow a single, focused action that is specific to you

Consider a thing that you can do to boost your mood and happiness tomorrow.

It could be reading just ONE chapter from that book you’ve had next to your bed for 2 years.

You could ask for an extra hour of childcare so that you can grab a quick cup of coffee by yourself.

Perhaps it is eating some BBQ shapes. It could be!

You could get groceries delivered to avoid the harrowing experience of yesterday in aisle 5.

You could call your best friend for a long chat on the way to the office or while the baby is napping.

Prioritize one thing to make you feel like yourself. Then, every day, make it a priority to do ONE thing that will make you feel more like yourself. Even if it is a small thing! The little things can be the biggest!!

Extra support

Many people can help you if these ideas only scratch the surface of what you need to do. If you are experiencing sadness, anxiety, or distress, you may find it difficult to get through your day.

Give PANDA an e-mail or a call. Every day, they speak with great parents about the anxiety and depression that comes along with raising children.

They are non-judgmental, and compassionate and have strategies that can help bring things back to normal. Let a compassionate expert help you and your child.

How to Support a Mother Going Through A Hard Time

Our family recently discovered that our oldest child has cancer. It’s through this experience that I learned the body of Christ is made up of a mosaic of personalities and talents. I would never have imagined that people could bless us with things (my favourite was a DVD of magical acts and props for my son). I have also witnessed first-hand how every act of kindness can be magnified, just like the loaves & fishes. One text or a small bottle of lotion can be a powerful sign of love and support. They can make my day brighter. I call them “hugs sent from heaven.”

Here are ways you can support someone special.

Food

Hot meals. A hot meal delivered right to your front door is one of the best ways to show love and care. It’s even easier to set up a meal-train for your friend.

Dropping off in-season fresh fruit. A friend brought fresh peaches to Jack shortly after we learned that Jack’s tumour was “likely” cancer. After taking a few bites, I thought, “This tastes like heaven and good things in one.”

Dropping baked goods off. The whole family will be cheered up! You might want to check beforehand if you are avoiding sugar due to chemotherapy or another health issue.

Freezer meals. Some days, I feel tired for no apparent reason. It’s a blessing to have meals frozen in the freezer that you can thaw out for dinner.

Material Help

Gas cards. Gas cards. We’ve spent literally thousands of dollars on gasoline for trips to doctors and hospitals. Gas cards are a great thing!

Money. We would all be in a lot more trouble if friends, family, and acquaintances were not so generous with their money. Even imagining it is stressful!

Organizing fundraisers. Sometimes, this is all it takes to pay the bills.

Offer your cabin/lakehouse. You may not be able to afford a family vacation for some time due to medical expenses and travel costs.

Acts of Service

Cleaning the kitchen. Once a week, a friend cleans my kitchen. The hand washing and wiping down the cabinets is something I put off. Each time she visits, I feel empowered.

Offer to care for animals. Sometimes, the family will be away for an overnight hospital stay.

Offer to cut hair. Offer your talent! Additional appointments, such as haircuts, are difficult to fit in with the weekly doctor’s appointment schedule.

Baking holiday treats. Make it extra special by using the family’s favourite recipe.

Offer to wrap gifts for Christmas. Some mothers may want to keep it for themselves but others (like myself!) would be grateful. One less thing to do would make me happy.

Family photos. My extended family would not have arranged this for me.

Take care of flowerbeds. You could do it even when the mother is not around, depending on how well-known she is. I would not mind at all if someone planted bulbs or deadheaded my flowers when I got home. This is something I wouldn’t ask anyone to do, but would appreciate it.

You can ask her, “What project did you have in mind before this opportunity came up?”. I’m sure there was something in her head she wanted to do in this life stage. You can help her.

Support for Families

Plan fun activities for a child who is going through a difficult time. He needs to have something to look forward to.

Take the other children to fun places. It’s just not possible to go apple picking, to the fair, or tubing with the other kids. If the child is sick, it’s best to choose something that he wouldn’t want to do.

Watching other children. Offer to watch the other kids during doctor’s appointments, a date, or for mom to have some time alone.

Keep the children entertained with gifts. You may be at home due to illness, appointments or surgery. All of these are great ideas: board games, legos and books.

Gifts for mom during chemo days. The Warrior Mama Project sent me a package in the mail. I was amazed and touched. The package included a scrunchie and cozy socks, as well as money for vending machines, coffee mugs, bracelets, dry shampoo, and other goodies.

Bring other children to their events. We want to maintain a normal life, so we try to avoid the cancer spreading to other areas of our lives. Our other children have to attend basketball practices and church functions.

Spiritual Support

Organizing novenas. It was a great gift. Two novenas were organized by a friend of our parish. I do not doubt that those prayers helped us get through the early days.

Donating holy oils, relics, or sacramentals such as rosaries and relics. You feel the prayers of saints when you receive these items.

How can I pray for you today? A simple text asking someone how to pray can lighten the load.

Texting Bible verses. Send a passage that you found comforting recently or some verses you used to help you through a difficult time.