A mum on Mumsnet has shared a sad tale of what can happen when people get together, as she tried to reconcile her part in it.
“At no point was it nasty”
Apparently, she’s part of an informal mother’s group and they meet up semi-regularly. One of the women in the group could not make a recent dinner, and the mum describes the absent lady thus – “‘A’ is a real character, very funny and charismatic with very talented and charming children.”
She explains that A’s husband is quite a bit older than A and it’s been quite a focus of discussion among her and her friends.
“A is married to a man old enough to be her father. He has grandchildren who are older than his children with A.”
When A couldn’t come to the mum’s group dinner, the conversation apparently turned to her relationship with a gent much older than her, in her absence.
“At no point was it ‘nasty’ as such but comments were made about the age gap etc. One parent admitted that the family had not been invited to a gathering at a school friend’s house because the husband had found it weird to have to talk to someone old enough to be his dad.”
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Vomiting and migraines
What happened next was that the conversation was recounted to A and she confronted the women – in front of their children.
“She completely demolished us intellectually, asking what had she done to provoke such a reaction and picked on us individually. Unforgivably she then asked a teenager whether her mother had brought her up to behave in so despicably of a manner and whether she thought it was appropriate to gossip behind people’s backs.”
One of the lambasted women went around the corner and threw up and the mum sharing the post says her own children and the other women have been deeply affected by A confronting them. One had even taken to her bed with a migraine.
“I know I am to blame for joining in but I didn’t initiate the gossip, but how would you react now. What is the way forward?”
“Who gives a shiny shi*t?”
The good folk of Mumsnet did not pull any punches. They were quick to offer opinions and advice.
“If some of your group are being sick and having migraines then how is A going to be feeling about it? I would guess extremely hurt and betrayed for starters,” another mum pointed out.
“Take it as a lesson to act like a group of adults and not a bunch of adolescents,” one person commented. “If none of you were prepared to say whatever was said to A’s face then it shouldn’t have been talked about behind her back. Her relationship or personal life has nothing to do with anyone else & I’d be hurt & upset if I was her. Apologise, learn and move on.”
“This is exactly why I don’t do groups,” someone else posted.
“Who gives a shiny shit if her partner is older?” another commenter wrote. “She’s obviously happy and so are her children. Perhaps the issue is jealousy? A charismatic woman with fantastic kids, and you all got together over lunch and salivated over her personal life. Apologise if you’d like, but I reckon she’s well shot of you all as friends.”
“Go and knock on her door with a box of chocolates and a big apology- on your own,” someone suggested.
“This little group of mums sound awful. If you couldn’t attend one of the get-togethers you’d be forever thinking they’d be gossiping about you. I couldn’t be part of that.”