The longer I skip, and at times trudge, along this motherhood journey, the more I see there are many, many, different types of mums out there.
There are the breastfeeders, the bottle feeders, the stay at home mums, the full time working mums, the trying to juggle both jobs part-timers, the attachment parents and the tiger mums. Then a few years later comes the school mums, the homeschoolers, the ‘my kid is in before and after school care because I work’ mums and the unschoolers.
And you know what? We are all excellent! Because although we all do things differently, we are all trying our very best and working within our situation (the mortgage, the rent, the BILLS!) and what feels right for us as women.
But it was only after having a conversation with a new mum friend of mine that I realised just how important it is that no matter what type of mum we are, that we feel happy in our skin about it.
The conversation went like so:
“I went crazy being a SAHM”
Me: “So I was a SAHM but work part time and mum on my other days now. It’s taken me a while to find the balance and I finally feel like I am working just enough to contribute financially, and keep my career alive but also not too much that I feel like my time with my kids is being stolen from us.”
New friend: “Yeah, I work too, probably more than other mums, well the judgey ones, reckon I should, but you know what? I was really struggling with being a stay at home mum. We were so poor. I needed to go out and get a job, but one in the city because I craved the change of scene. I needed to get away from home and yes, have childcare help me do that. I was miserable being at home all the time and now I feel like I am a happier person. My boys are happier too because there’s just a better family vibe now. I think I’m actually a better mum for working, too. I’m not resentful anymore. I cherish our time together because it’s special and I am way more organised with the household stuff, which helps me feel more in control. Plus, you know, we can actually afford a holiday these days! But I feel judged. I sometimes wonder if I will look back on these early years and regret not spending more quantitative time with my babies. They are only little for so long. But I think my mental health has improved now that I work. The truth is, I almost went insane when I was mumming day in and day out. I needed the mental shift.”
Content mums are the best mums
My new friend told me she feels guilty confessing this. But I assured her she needn’t worry about being judged by me. I am all for us mums doing what feels right for us, because at the end of the day, what feels right is what makes us comfortable in our skin and enables us to be the best mums we can for our kids.
More on mum types:
- 9 types of mums you meet at the playground
- The different types of mum friends all of us REALLY need
- There are 8 different types of mums at Christmas … which one are you?
Not always a choice
Of course, finances often dictate much of our choice in the matter when it comes to how much we work, or if we have to work at all, I know. But judging another mum for the choices and sacrifices she makes for her family and the ‘type’ of mum she is, is a bit anti-sisterhood.
Let’s all get behind each other and fan each other’s flame. We are all in this together.
And remember too, that we are all the best mums, no matter what type we are.