The other day my kids were driving me bonkers. While one was screaming at me because I wouldn’t let him eat ANOTHER biscuit, the other was whingeing at me to turn on Paw Patrol after I’d just told him he couldn’t watch anymore. The noise level was unbearable. My ears!
So what did I do?
I screamed in the face of my five-year-old. Then I dropped to my knees and whinged and whined at my toddler, in exactly the same way they were.
Yep, that will teach ’em.
I wasn’t the in-control parent calmly standing my ground and rising above their tantrums. I didn’t try to distract and defuse. Nope – I was reduced to their level, and I totally spat the dummy. Go me!
Well, I’d like to say this was a one off, but I can think of many other times I’ve acted like my kids this week. Here are a few.
1. I will eat only what I want to
I made a lasagne the other night. After baking it, slicing it up and then slapping four squares onto plates, I decided to eat mine while it was hot, and also before the dinner battles with my picky eaters started. When my husband suggested making us a salad to go with it, I said: “You can. I’m just eating carbs and meat. I can’t be bothered with healthy, oh but if you could make one for the kids (that they also won’t eat) that would be great.”
2. Why won’t the world revolve around me?
When driving my boys to kindy this morning, we got stuck behind a garbage truck. “Damn it, we’re so late, pick the bins up already! Why are you not picking up the bins. I’m late,” I said to myself in frustration – because of course, garbage trucks and any other traffic should make way for ME. As any toddler knows, I am the only person who matters.
3. I stamped my foot and said, “It’s mine!”
My kids are learning to share, so we hear a lot of “it’s mine!” The other day these words came from my mouth, not theirs. It was over a Tim Tam and my boys were begging me for a bite of mine, after they’d gobbled up one each for themselves. Well, for once I claimed MY FOOD. “It’s mine,” I declared, as I shoved the whole thing in my mouth and stamped my foot. They should’ve understood. I mean, every toddler knows special treats are NOT to be shared.
4. I sobbed into a blanket
Then there was the other day when I felt so out of control and full of mum-rage that I had to lock myself in my sons’ bedroom and just have a good old cry into my toddler’s blankie. I felt better for it though. It turns out my toddler can teach me a thing or two about releasing my emotions.
5. I whinged until I got what I wanted
“I need coffee,” I said to my husband the other morning. “Really. Can. Not. Function without coffee. Hey, can you drive down the road and get me a coffee, oh, and a chocolate croissant from that cafe I like? Like now. Can you go now, pleeease? Now? I’ll stay with the kids. Honey, now?” It seems toddler whining works. That croissant was delicious!
6. “I’m doing a poo!”
My kids love to announce their bodily functions. “Mummy! I need to do a poo,” my big boy will loudly tell the entire house as he dashes to the toilet holding his bottom. Well, it turns out I like to announce these things too, especially when little hands are pounding on the bathroom door and I need a few minutes of alone time.
7. I needed a sleep aid
I couldn’t sleep last night and so I put on my toddler’s sleepy music. After ten minutes of listening to a lullaby version of Radiohead, I was off in the land of nod. Would’ve been nice if my hubby had thought to bring me a cup of warm milk and pat my bottom though. I want to be my toddler!