My little love,
This morning I cuddled you in bed and noticed your whispy hair is getting darker. Soon those silky strands will also become coarser.
You are growing up. And before I know it, you’ll have older boy-hair and may not climb into bed with me …
And so, I squeezed your little warm body into mine and I whispered the thing I always say, “Stop growing up! Stay my little boy forever. OK?”
To which you replied. “I’ll try, but mummy, the healthy food is making me grow. I can’t stop it!”
And I squeezed you even tighter. And giggled.
Time is flying
It was only yesterday that I cradled your tiny newborn body in hospital, gently helping you to find my nipple.
You were wearing a hospital baby gown and the smallest nappy you can buy – but it looked enormous on you. I had to roll it down so it would sit beneath your belly button with the clamp on it.
Your skin was pink, and also a little yellow but not too yellow to be alarmed.
You smelt of new life, so sweet and so addictive to me.
You exploded my heart that day. And ever since, you’ve been dropping more love bombs on me.
Boom. Boom. Boom!
And while I’m used to them now, I sometimes feel a pang in my heart the older you get.
I mean, I blink and now you are out of nappies, except for the night one.
Slow down, life! You are moving too fast.
I never want these young years to be over.
Life right now is actually exquisite
My little love, you know better than anyone that not every day for me is rainbows and butterflies. I’m chronically tired, I get stressed and also frustrated. Motherhood is all giving and life can be, well, as demanding as you sometimes.
But these ‘love bomb’ moments, like this morning in bed, are so heartbreakingly special.
I say ‘heartbreaking’ because I actually feel my heart crack a little when they happen. It’s almost bittersweet. They are so precious and beautiful, but I also know these young years are fleeting.
They will be over before I know it.
One day I might even be that old lady who smiles knowingly at the mums clutching their little love’s hands at the supermarket.
What’s the saying? “The days are long but the years are short”?
Yes, that’s it.
So I want to savour it all. All the exquisiteness – ha, which is laughable when I type it right now, especially on those ‘long’ days. But maybe it’s true, in those love bomb moments?
It’s exquisite because right now, it’s so beautiful. I wish I could bottle the moments.
Such as …
Those vegemite-smeared-face kisses. The post-bath cuddles when I wrap you in a towel and rock you until you squirm. Every cute thing you say like, “The yellow egg inside is the baby egg!” Your infectious laughter and the rhythm of your childhood speech. The feel of your little body perfectly fitting into mine as you sit on me, like I am an old favourite armchair, to watch Peppa Pig.
So yes, my little love, time is flying by. But please, pause with me for a moment. I need to breathe you in.
I need to not forget THIS.
Because how precious is right now? This fleeting childhood chapter in your long life.
Now I know tomorrow is new and as much as I want us to bask in the ‘now’ I’m excited for you to discover it, too. I’m fascinated to find out who you will become and where your wonderful life will take you.
But If I could press pause I would. I want more of THIS.
So please, stop growing up! Right now with you is actually exquisite.