Dad’s hilarious ad for kid-damaged family van makes parents feel less alone

Josh Wood van

Josh and Careese Wood are parents to NINE children which is a story in itself, but weirdly we’re not chatting about their amazing fertility in depth today. Rather, we’re talking about Josh’s very honest, very relatable Craigslist ad.

Josh and Careese are selling their 15 seater passenger van, following an upgrade, and it’s fair to say he believes honesty is the very best policy.

“In the interest of full disclosure, here’s more information and a partial list of its issues,” Josh posted, noting that buyers should read his disclaimer carefully before making an offer. 

Let’s go through them one-by-one. #YoureWelcome

Issue one 

Issue one is really more of an opportunity in the vintage chicken nugget department …

“The van is missing a speaker in the side door. My kids have been throwing random items in the speaker hole for years. So, you may end up with some very special treasures. Or really old chicken nuggets. Probably both.

Issue two

Okay, this problem is to do with some custom and very accidental paint jobs …

“One side of the van has a yellow scuff mark on it. That’s courtesy of me and a battle with a yellow concrete parking divider (I did not win). The other side of the van has a matching white scuff mark. That one is courtesy of my wife. She completes me. In related news, you know how most cars these days come equipped with fancy backup cameras? This one does not.”


Read more funny stories about life with kids:


Issue three

Dangly door bits are the new fluffy dice, in Josh’s neck of the woods.

When you open the side doors, the rubber door liner is detached in some places. It still does its job, but it looks stupid.

Issue four

The car has a case of the nopes, thanks to little paws and some well-intentioned duct tape.

“The van came equipped with automatic door locks. Unfortunately, they no longer work. Somehow, something got reversed and the locking motor ran without ceasing until the button was pressed and held down. Rather than taking the van to a repair shop like a normal person, I duct taped the button down to keep the motor from running. At some point, the duct tape failed and the motor ran until it eventually burned up or something. Anyhow, the automatic door locks don’t work. Each door must be locked and unlocked manually. Duct tape is not included.”

Issue five

Better out than in is the oft-touted refrain and Josh’s kids feel it’s not their place to argue.

“We’re a family of 11. Every one of our children has thrown up in this van at some point in the past decade– most notably, on this trip. We have had the van detailed a couple times since then (shout out to Xtreme Auto Re-Styling Center for tackling a level of depravity unrivaled in the world of passenger transport.) The van is clean now; but, it will probably always be inhabited by the ghost of vomit past.”

But there’s more ..!

Other issues include broken air-conditioning, a cracked windshield, broken speakers. 

On the plus side (apparently) it has a TV and DVD player in the back.

“This is a handy feature as it helps distract kids from the intermittent air conditioning and smell of decaying chicken nuggets.” What a total bonus.

An update from Josh later revealed that he THINKS he’s sold the van and he was humbled by the support he’d received from other families.

“It’s nice to know that we’re not alone in our smelly, intermittently cooled world,” he admitted, obviously quite chuffed.

 

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