Listen up ladies, if you are not sporting a greasy mum bun and wearing your husband’s underpants (because you couldn’t find any clean ones this morning) as you read this, then you clearly need a little help in the mum-style department. Don’t worry, we’ll show you the way.
Here are nine tips to help you learn to really dress like a mum:
1. If it’s clean, wear it
This should be your motto when deciding what to wear of a morning. Anything with paint, playdough or baby vomit stains that you can spot clean off while in the bathroom brushing your toddler’s teeth is still passable, but generally speaking if you can find something – anything! – clean then grab it while you can.
2. What is makeup?
If you still spend 15 minutes of a morning ‘putting on a face’ then you are in serious need of these tips. No mum has time for that sh!t anymore. Even the working mums among us know that slapping on some half-arsed war paint is what the morning commute is for. Reclaim those 15 minutes and ditch the makeup routine.
3. Forget matching this with that
If it takes you longer than 30 seconds to select an outfit because you are trying to ‘team’ tops with bottoms and the like, then you need to know this. Your clothes are too complicated. Keep it simple. Basics like a trusted pair of jeans that can be matched with any old top are your go-to. Also, dresses that don’t require any extra thought and can just be slipped on are the far superior option.
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4. Do not update your wardrobe
Gone are the days of spending hours trying on different outfits. Hence why your wardrobe should be at a last season or seasons standstill. If it fits and isn’t falling apart, then that’s a perfectly acceptable item of mum-clothing that doesn’t need replacing.
5. Ditch any elastic banded skirts your toddler can tug at
Or you risk getting dacked by your little one. This is fine when at home but you don’t want the other shoppers seeing your stretched nickers while in the middle of K-Mart. Take note.
6. Do not accessorise
A simple short necklace is fine, but dangly earrings that your baby can tug at and rip your lobe in half are a big no-no. Likewise, bracelets that will just annoy you when doing any number of mum-tasks are out. You may still wear a ring if your fingers haven’t enlarged from being preggers, but that raised engagement ring of yours, the one that could scratch your baby’s perfect little face, should go back in it’s box. In fact your main accessory should really just be a spew cloth thrown over one shoulder.
7. Loose-fitting everything will hide a mummy tummy
Hide all manner of mum-bulge under loose fitting clothing and donate your pre-kids tight tops to the unemployed students flicking through the clothing racks at Vinnies.
8. Steal from your husband’s wardrobe
Along the lines of ‘if it’s clean, wear it’ – if you can’t find anything wearable of your own in the clean washing pile, then look towards your hubby’s wardrobe. Comfy tracky dacks and soft old t-shirts await!
9. Your look should scream ‘I’m sleep-deprived and a little frazzled’
If you’re wearing ironed clothes and look fresh when you look in the mirror, then you have failed at this whole ‘dress like a mum thing’. Your clothes should be thrown on crinkled and your face should scream, ‘I need friggin sleep!’. Now, now … don’t get too depressed. This time of dressing like an overworked, exhausted mum won’t last forever, I promise. Before you reclaim your favourite bohemian earrings (the ones that sit just above your shoulders), why not embrace the ‘I’m a frazzled but happy-in-my-skin mum’ look? It’s actually kind of liberating.