10 Things Stay-at-Home Mums Have Heard
10 Things Stay-at-Home Mums have probably heard at least once
Being a stay-at-home mother (SAHM) is often a rewarding job, even if it’s chaotic. This journey is made up of the unconditional love, daily joys and even the difficult moments. Many stay-at-home mums agree that they are frequently met with uninvited comments, questions and assumptions. These can be frustrating and, let’s face it, even cringeworthy. You’ve likely heard some of these comments a lot, whether you’ve been SAHMs for years or are just now taking on full-time parenthood.
Take a look at these familiar questions and sayings to find out their true meaning.
1. What do you do? “
Let’s begin with the most dreaded of all questions: “So what do you do?” Well-meaning family members, friends, and strangers will often ask this question. They assume that you have a slow-paced life because you don’t leave for work every morning. They are wrong.
Stay-at-home moms’ days are anything but boring. There’s never enough time to get everything done. From the minute you wake up until you fall asleep (if you are lucky), you have a long list of tasks to complete: feeding, cleaning, planning and nurturing your children. Did I forget to mention the toddler tantrums and the mountains of laundry? It’s a job that is constantly changing and filled with surprises. The job is not about spending all day with your children. It’s about maintaining a balance between meeting needs, managing logistical issues, and making sure things run smoothly while also taking care of yourself.
When someone asks what you do, you should respond with the truth: “I keep my kids alive.” So far, I am an Employee of the Year“
This answer helps to break the ice and sheds light on how much work goes into parenting. While the question might seem innocent, you should give it some context.
2. What do you do in your spare time? “
This is one question that leaves parents at home scratching their heads: What about free time? What is free time? It’s the ultimate contradiction. It’s hard for parents, especially those who have young children, to find time to breathe. Yet, someone suggests that you can do anything you like with your free time.
You may get a few moments to yourself, perhaps when your kids are napping or watching cartoons. But the rest of the day is spent juggling multiple responsibilities. There’s never a moment that’s “free”. From cleaning to shopping and meal preparation, you’re always busy. Let’s also not forget about the guilt of trying to steal some minutes when you could have been doing something productive.
Parents are often pressed for time. They barely have enough time to shower or drink coffee before they need something. When the children are sleeping or otherwise occupied, parents often spend their time doing the behind-the-scenes work that is rarely seen: planning meals for the week, scheduling appointments, tackling laundry piles or responding to emails for school events, playdates and other obligations.
Next time someone asks you about your free time, smile and say, “I do not have free time, I have endless to-do lists.”
3. Your husband must be very wealthy. “
Ah, that money question. This assumption is that a stay-at-home mum needs a wealthy spouse to support the family. This assumption is not only wrong, but it’s also frustrating.
For some families, one parent indeed stays at home while the other pursues a lucrative career. However, this is not the case for most families. Many mums choose to stay at home because it is in line with their values. However, it can be a difficult choice, requiring sacrifices and tight budgets.
Many people don’t understand that being wealthy is not the goal. It’s all about making decisions. Many times, a parent who stays at home with their children is a deliberate financial decision. Prioritizing your family and creating a lifestyle to suit your situation is key. This often means cutting corners elsewhere. This is not about giving out handouts but about adapting to the resources available. Parents who make this choice usually work within their budgets and come up with creative solutions to get it done. This is far different from the stereotype of “wealthy men”.
Next time someone assumes your family is rolling in cash, just smile and say, “Well, I’ll pay for this coffee using the change that I found under the couch cushions.”
4. Will you ever return to work? “
Will you ever return to work? The “Will you ever go back to work?” question implies that staying home with your children isn’t “real” labour. As if your day-to-day activities–managing the household, caring for the kids, and taking on countless responsibilities–are somehow less valuable or productive than a 9-to-5 job.
It’s a common misconception that working at an office is more important than staying at home. In reality, staying at home with your children is a full-time job. It’s not just sitting there idling your fingers. You are constantly working, solving problems, and adapting to the new challenges. The hours are long, and the work is never-ending. You may work through your lunch break, forgo bathroom breaks and continue working until you are exhausted.
If someone asks you, “Will You Ever Go Back to Work?” then a simple answer could be “I am already at work.” Weekends off are not included.
5. Would you be willing to help me since you don’t have a job? “
This can be a frustrating assumption. It is frustrating to think that stay-at-home parents have an unlimited amount of free time because they do not hold a conventional job. Most mums, particularly those with more than one child, work harder than ever to run their home.
It’s both disrespectful and unrealistic to think that you can help someone run errands or handle their chores just because you are at home. Your home, kids, and your never-ending to-do list are enough. Next time someone asks you for help, remind them that your time and effort are just as valuable as theirs.
Don’t even get me started about the guilt that can sometimes follow when you say no. It’s natural to want to help others, but you must also know your limits. It’s not necessary to answer everyone’s calls just because you are home with your children.
6. You must be bored. “
It’s important to know that being a mum at home is not boring. There are some repetitive tasks, and the days can be long. Boredom? Not a chance.
The day is filled with a lot of activities. There’s always plenty to do, from juggling naps to coordinating playdates to maintaining a constant stream of food and snacks, you have a lot to keep up with. The rest of the day is spent doing everything from running errands to helping with schoolwork and managing doctor’s appointments. It is a myth that mums at home sit around twiddling thumbs, wishing for a good read. Parents who stay at home are always busy.
When someone says you are bored, you can politely tell them that boredom is not an option when you have children with you.
7. “You must get so much sleep. “
It is this one that gets a real laugh, followed by an expression of disbelief. It would be nice if people understood. Sleep is a precious commodity for stay-at-home mums.
It’s not possible to get uninterrupted sleep for a long time. You may have to be awake at odd hours to attend to one child while you try to calm another. Let’s not forget those times when your child decides that 5:30 am is the perfect time to begin the day for everyone.
When someone says that you are getting a lot of sleep, all you can say is “, Oh.” I sleep like a baby… except when I don’t.
8. How is your home so messy? “
It’s a classic question. It is often expected of stay-at-home mothers to maintain a clean, well-organized home. But let’s face it, keeping a clean house with small children is nearly impossible. Children are like tornadoes that leave a trail behind them of snacks, toys and art supplies.
When you have to choose between playing with your children and cleaning up, it’s usually the mess that wins. Next time someone asks why your home isn’t perfectly clean, tell them that you are busy and happy with your children and that messes can be a sign.
Also, who has time to clean each day? Most mums and dads will admit that maintaining a clean home while caring for children is a difficult task. Prioritize what is most important, like being with your kids. Accept that the dishes may stay dirty for a while.
9. “Oh, it’s no wonder that your child is so clingy. “
This one is a real slap in the face. This implies that your child’s attachment to you is due to your parenting style or to the fact that you are “too near” them.
Clinginess in children is normal, especially in the formative years. Sometimes, children find comfort with their primary caregivers and want to remain close. It is a sign that the child has a strong attachment to their parents and they trust them. It’s a sign of security for a child to seek closeness with their parents.
Next time someone comments on your child’s need for extra comfort, tell them that it is not a negative thing. Every child goes through phases where they require more attention. While it may seem overwhelming at times, this is just a stage that you will navigate with patience.
10. “You’re so lucky. “
It’s often said as if it were a compliment. While we may want to take this statement as a compliment, it is a little oversimplified.
It’s not about luck but about hard work, sacrifice and choice. It’s all about managing multiple roles and responsibilities while putting your child’s needs first. While you may consider yourself “lucky” for being able to spend time with your children, this doesn’t come free of its challenges. Every day, this job requires energy, dedication, and commitment.
The next time someone tells you that you are lucky, smile and thank them. It’s a great job to be a mother, and I feel lucky that I get to do it.
Conclusion
These 10 comments might seem innocent or funny to someone who doesn’t know the intricacies involved with being a stay-at-home. However, these comments are often interpreted as judgmental or inaccurate. The truth is that being a stay-at-home mum is one of the most rewarding and difficult jobs anyone can do. It is a role that demands patience, love, and resilience.
Next time you hear a comment like this, remember to take a deep breath, smile and tell yourself that you are doing something important. While you may not receive the recognition that you deserve, you are doing an important job. It’s not necessary to explain what you do to anyone, but when you must, be confident and tall. You’re doing an amazing job.
