Every night, when I feel that I will finally get some time to myself, a little voice says to me: “Will you cuddle me to sleep?” and I find myself wondering if cuddling my little loves to sleep is okay.
I am spent. I am exhausted. I have been a mother all day. I never say “No, I won’t my love.”
Why?
It’s a nice pocket of time.
My boys, aged 3 and 5, will not always want to be close. Naturally, they are constantly breaking away from me, but right now, I need to help them sleep. They struggle to go to sleep without my body beside them. I have no idea why. For now, I’ll keep helping them because they won’t always need me.
What if you have bad sleep habits?
I read that a bad habit is only a bad habit if you don’t like it. Otherwise, it’s a simple habit. I’m sure that some parents have what is considered ‘good sleeping habits’. I know that other parents who have ‘good sleep habits’ (i.e. When I sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star softly as their eyes close, and they gently drift away, nothing makes me feel like their mother. It’s nice.
We all have our bedtime cuddles, but are they really bad?
No, my nights aren’t mine. But they will be again.
My nights are not mine when I cuddle my boys to sleep (their father often joins us in the shared room) because it takes a lot longer than I’d like. My partner and I can have a quiet adult conversation when the boys finally fall asleep, but this sacred time is often ruined by a child’s warm body.
Here’s the thing: In the future, I KNOW we will get back our “us” time. They will eventually stop wanting/needing us to stay up with them at night. They will not want me to cuddle and rock them to sleep at 16 years old! The stage where they want us and need us in many small and big ways won’t last long.
My partner and I have no issues with sleep.
I love intimacy
I feel close when I take their warm bodies and cuddle them into me – both big spoons and little ones. I whisper “I love You” and breathe in their warm bodies. They will say it to me with their hands on my face. I know that they have learned how to love and be affectionate.
Often, it is during these special moments that I learn how they are truly feeling. It could be that someone had been cruel to them in childcare, or they may have missed me because I was at work. It’s a great way to show love, connect, and reassure each other when you are lying still.
Right now, I’m choosing to ignore all the parental noise telling me that our family has bad sleeping habits.
We have a habit that I enjoy as much as it exhausts me. Nothing lasts forever.
I still cuddle my kids to sleep: Why it’s okay.
Do you have a child that requires you to fall asleep? Join the club. This is a secret club that parents can be proud of (and not ashamed to be part of).
I’m going to admit something that will probably make me look like a terrible mum but I don’t care. I still rely on my son, now seven years old, to get him to sleep.
Since 2010, I’ve been falling asleep in the beds of my children.
That’s right. I tried to sleeptrain my son for seven years, but I failed. Okay, I’m not sure what you mean. I’ll rephrase. I’ve chosen to ignore the important lesson of parenting. Even if society says I shouldn’t, I am fine with it.
No, I don’t still breastfeed into the night. (Congratulations to those mums who chose this option, but I chose to drink wine after dinner LONG ago). However, I still lie next to him. I tickle his rear. I stroke his cheek. I then cuddle him to the point where he’s on the verge of falling asleep.
Sometimes I wait until he has fallen asleep completely. Not because I need to, but because I am willing to (or I have fallen asleep next to him).
It gets worse. After I have cuddled my child to sleep, I repeat the same process with my other daughter. Double the tickles, face strokes and cuddles. It can take two minutes or an hour. Sometimes I can’t keep track of the time and find myself still snuggling my children in their tiny beds.
Let sleeping mums lie.
This is not new. No, no. Since they were born, this bedtime ritual has been followed. Before I tickled their backs, i would rock them into sleep. I used to feed them before rocking them into sleep. Sometimes I’d sing them to bed (sorry neighbors). It’s true, I never tried to sleep train my children (not because I disliked it but I was just too tired to do it).
What’s this? Both of them are sleeping. Both of them are sleeping in their beds. They also sleep in. Sometime until 7.00am… And on weekends, 7.30am.
Why do you want to share this? This is not to boast about how well my children sleep in (well, maybe a tiny bit). It’s not because I think a lot of mums are in the same boat. Many other mums chose cuddles instead of crying it out.
I imagine that many other mothers feel the same guilt I did.
Enjoy cuddling to the fullest!
You are not ruining their sleep by letting them stay with you. You’re not ruining the chance for them to learn how to fall asleep. You’re not doing anything wrong.
No ‘parenting rule’ says that you cannot cuddle your children to sleep. As a mother, you have the right to cuddle your children as much as you like…until your child says enough.
Our children will one day say, “It’s ok, mum, I can sleep without you.” We will then say goodnight, close the door, and weep into wine glasses, because our babies grow up way too quickly.
But not tonight. If my two minions want to cuddle before bedtime, I’ll be there with them.
To all mums, who are about to snuggle with their babies until they go to sleep (and probably dosing yourself off), let the guilt go and enjoy these precious moments, no matter what age they are. I’ll do the same thing twice.
Why babies (and parents) love cosleeping
Listening to our gut feelings is something we often overlook. To our gut feeling. We ignore what comes naturally. This is especially true when you consider the way that most Western babies sleep.
When we follow our evolutionary blueprint, and bring our kids into our cave for sleep, amazing things can happen. In 18 months, I would like to share my favorite things about how co-sleeping changed the way I parented for the better.
1. It feels good
The memories that I have of my baby sleeping in my arms are some of the best ones as a mom. My baby curled up in the crook of my arm. Wake up to his morning laughter and smiles. Hearing “Dada”, at 6am. In the early morning hours, he would spoon and pinch in. Absolute priceless.
2. It feels safe
Since I’ve been co-sleeping with my baby for 18 months, there has never been a concern about his safety. I am reassured that I will be there to help him if something happens in the middle of the night. While I was pregnant, I read that a mother’s and baby’s sleep cycles are naturally shared. It’s true. I still get up before my baby to nurse him in the middle of the night.
When my son was lying beside me, I would be able to react much faster if there were ever any problems with his breathing. According to studies, sharing a bed with a baby can reduce the risk of death from SIDs and accidents by half.
Sleeping babies are also at risk from external dangers. It is one of the main reasons that we evolved as a species to sleep together. Our babies may not know that being attacked by an armed tiger at night is no longer a danger. They don’t even know that they were born in 2014
Co-sleeping is a great way to protect against the dangers that exist in modern homes. There are many dangers in modern homes, including house fires, carbon dioxide and home invaders.
3. No more tears
The cry of a baby is an alarm. This is only for emergencies. Signaling that the baby is in danger or has a dire need. If babies are near their mothers, they can communicate more subtly to meet their needs. When my son cries, I know there is a real problem and that he wants my immediate attention.
4. IT’S FUN!
We have so much more fun when our child is in bed with us. Pillow fights and hide and seek are just some of the things we do.
5. It feels natural
The bassinet was right next to my bed the first night I slept at the hospital. At home, I co-slept with my baby but when I was in the hospital and faced with the warnings that “co-sleeping can be dangerous!,” I decided to follow the rules. I placed our child in the bassinet.
Then I did it, and he fell asleep. But I could not sleep. I lay there, watching him and touching his chest to see if he still breathed. After carrying him inside me for 42 weeks, he felt like he was so far from me. It was as if a part of me had been missing. It was less than five minutes until I brought him to bed with me. He hasn’t yet left.
6. BREASTFEEDING IS EASIER WITH THIS PRODUCT
The co-sleeping method has made night feeding SO much easier. My son latches onto my breast when he is hungry. We both wake up half-awake. There is no need to wake up. No need to switch on the lights. Both of us stay warm together in bed, nursing, and dozing off.
The average co-sleeping baby consumes twice as much milk at night as a crib-sleeping baby. I may prefer to nurse during the day but nighttime breast milk is different. The nighttime breast milk is twice as high in growth hormone and contains significantly more melatonin. (A hormone necessary to develop circadian rhythms). Breastfeeding and sleeping together go hand-in-hand.
7. We all need more sleep
We all sleep better because our baby doesn’t have to cry, and we can breastfeed in bed. My sleep is disrupted, but my baby’s need for sleep is more important to me than an eight-hour sleep. My husband sleeps a lot better because my baby and I are barely audible as we feed in the early morning hours.
I’m also aware of how quickly this time passes. In a blink, my baby will no longer be a child and won’t want to cuddle next to me in the middle of the night. So I’m savoring each precious moment.
https://babyology.com.au/toddler/sleeping-toddler/i-cuddle-my-little-loves-to-sleep-every-night-but-is-that-so-bad/
