The Spirited Child Checklist – 7 Signs You’re Raising a Spirited Child (and Why It’s Not A Bad Thing).
You’re not the only one who has ever thought to yourself, while watching your child’s tantrum in public, that you might be raising a little revolutionary. It’s like riding a wild horse with an independent mind. Then, they test every boundary that you thought you had already set.
They are lively, opinionated, and full… of volume. They’re not “difficult”, “naughty”, or “unruly” as we know it. Just because they’re wired differently, they are more intense, persistent and energetic. While raising children can be exhausting and sometimes impossible, it is also extremely rewarding.
Here are seven signs that you may be raising a passionate, headstrong child. And why it could be a blessing in disguise.
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1. You can’t. Never. Give. Up.: The Spirited Child Checklist
Welcome to the club of the spirited child.
Children who are full of spirit can be incredibly persistent. They will not let the laws of logic and physics stop them from achieving their goals. It can feel like you’re in a constant power struggle. Not only are you asking them to clean their teeth, but also to follow the plan of their lives. This persistence can be defiant and wear you out.
Here’s a new way to look at it: That determination? This stubbornness? Leaders are made from this. The same traits that are driving them now will also carry them through the bigger challenges of life, where quitting is not an alternative. Spirited kids don’t fold. They persist. It’s important to encourage that, even if the bedtime arguments continue.
2. The “Off” Button Doesn’t Exist
Some children slow down. Yours doesn’t. They stopped taking naps before their peers, and they seem to function like batteries–gaining energy as they go. Early risers are ready to build their LEGO kingdoms before dawn, while night owls are still working on art projects after bedtime.
Rest? What’s that? You quickly discover, as a parent, that the traditional bedtime routines do not work. Spirited kids don’t shut down; they have to wind down according to their own rules. Sometimes, it takes time.
This will only lead to more exhaustion. This means letting go of rigid schedules and changing expectations. It also means that you should embrace their natural rhythms and encourage quiet time rather than forcing them to sleep. You must also understand that their need for stimulation does not represent defiance, but is simply who they are.
One day, you might be able to channel this unrelenting energy into something truly extraordinary. Invest in blackout curtains and noise-cancelling headsets for now. And drink lots of coffee.
3. You can’t sneak up on a room with them in it
Let’s face it: kids with a lot of energy are loud. Not just in terms of volume, though there is plenty of it. But also in terms of presence. People notice when your child enters a room. They laugh loudly and talk loudly to express their emotions.
This can be a challenge for a parent who is quieter (or if you are an introvert trying to get through the day). Spirited kids don’t do “low key.” They thrive on being heard, seen, and understood–preferably at full decibel.
The good news is that they are never forgotten. They are the ones who will speak up, stand up for friends and refuse to let injustices slide. These kids are vibrant, bold and unapologetically themselves. You’ll have to teach them how to regulate their emotions and use indoor voices, but they are also loud.
The next time someone in the checkout line sighs at the volume of your child, remember that you are raising a person who can fill up a lot of space.
4. Some parents offer you “helpful” advice (that doesn’t work)
You’ve probably smiled politely when you heard another parent give sage advice about reward charts, timeouts or sticker systems.
Children with a strong will do not respond well to standard solutions. What works with an easy-going child fails miserably when it comes to a strong-willed one. Children with strong wills often follow their internal logic and are often influenced by external systems.
It can be incredibly isolating. You may feel isolated, while other parents have children who are obedient and follow a schedule.
Remember: neither you nor your child is broken. You just need to take a different approach, one that is built on consistency, connection, and patience. You will learn to pick and choose your battles. You will stand your ground in the important things, and you’ll laugh about the rest (eventually).
What about the other parents? They know that your job may be more difficult and even more important.
5. Emotions run the show
Do your children go from joyful giggles to apocalyptic meltdowns in less than ten seconds? Welcome to life with a spirited child.
Spirited children have a difficult time regulating their emotions. The emotions they feel are in bold type: anger, joy, sadness, and excitement. They don’t do things half-measured. They love big. They have a lot of tantrums. They are feelings, not just feelings.
This emotional intensity for parents can be exhausting. It can be exhausting to feel as if you are constantly fighting fires, trying to predict the next emotional storm. Here’s the beauty: the same spirited children who bring frustration also bring joy. They are the life of any party. They are the first ones to cheer on their friends, and they live life with no inhibitions.
They don’t fear being vulnerable, caring deeply or feeling it all. In a world where we are often asked to hide or numb our emotions, this kind of authenticity should be celebrated.
6. The Transitions Are A Nightmare
You’re not the only one if your child reacts to being asked to leave a playground as if you had just cancelled Christmas. Spirited kids have a tough time with transitions–especially when they’re invested in what they’re doing.
It’s not just physically hard for them to change gears. It takes patience and bribes to get them out of the present moment.
You can ignore the five-minute notice. It might help, but you will still be negotiating with them in the parking lot as they tell you how you have ruined their lives. And what about bedtime? This is not just a routine. It’s a journey of 40 minutes through resistance, protest and (possibly) acceptance.
It’s easy to think of your child as a failure when these moments occur, but it’s important to remember that their struggle with transitions is a part of their intensity. The intensity of their love, play, and passion is what makes them so difficult to resist. It’s important to help them develop tools that will honour their need for order, without making every shift a showdown.
7. Children flock to them
Spirited kids can be magnetic despite their emotional turmoil, resistance and pushing of boundaries. Their creativity, energy and boldness draw others to them like moths are drawn to a fire.
Children see them as natural leaders, adventurers and fun-bringers. They are often the ones at the heart of the action, whether they are directing elaborate games at the playground or sharing wild stories during lunch. Their enthusiasm is contagious. Their imagination is limitless. Their sense of humour is infectious.
While parenting can be chaotic at times, knowing that they are a source of inspiration for those around them is comforting. They do more than live life; they ignite. The world needs more people like that.
Conclusion
It’s not for the weak of heart to parent a child with a strong personality. It takes stamina and creativity as well as a lot of patience. It’s about embracing chaos, finding humour and rethinking all you thought you knew.
It’s also extremely rewarding. You are not raising someone who will follow, but rather someone who will be a trailblazer. One who will challenge the norms and rules of society, and bring to it a joy that is unlike any other.
Next time you’re arguing over socks or explaining yet again to your dog why you don’t use glitter glue, or you wonder how you wound up living with an insignificant dictator, remember to take a deep breath. You are doing something special.
It’s a great thing to be proud that you are raising a spirited child.
