Why Kids Save Their Worst for Mom and Dad
Why Children Behave Perfectly For Everyone Except Mum and Father
You’re not alone if you have ever thought, “Everyone tells me my children are well behaved, but they never do it with me!” Parents often find it puzzling that their children behave like angels in public, but then act out their worst behavior at home. Chris Minogue, a Mothercraft nurse, offers parents who are tired some practical and insightful advice on how to improve their children’s behavior at home.
The Brat is at Home?!
Chris stresses that changing your perspective is often necessary to understand the behavior of your child in a home environment. Negative behavior should be ignored while positive behavior should be praised. This is the fundamental approach. Parents can identify the root causes of challenging behaviors by taking a step away.
She advises, “Think of how they behave and the way your family functions.” If you have a 4-year-old child who is well behaved at daycare for four days and then becomes unruly when they come home, this could be because the child has been on top form all week.
Children feel safe to test boundaries and explore limits in the home environment. This can be an overwhelming experience for parents, but it’s also vital to the emotional development of children.
Chris says, “Home is a place where they can practice and try to release,” explains Chris. Parents who work long hours, or lack mental energy can be overwhelmed by this freedom.
Pick Your Battles Wisely
Chris’s most important piece of advice is to pick your battles carefully. You may be tempted to criticize your child for each little mistake, but this will only lead to frustration on both sides.
She explains, “You have to pick your battles.” Focus on what’s important to you and your spouse. “If there is something that your child does that you don’t like, such as a social or family value that they are exhibiting, focus on that issue.”
Children who refuse to dress themselves in the morning is a common situation. This seemingly simple action can slow down your entire household. Chris offers a simple solution: “Get the kids dressed as soon as they get up, so that they don’t realize you are dressing them.”
Some parents have found success in letting their children sleep in the clothes that they will wear the next day, instead of pajamas. Whatever works for you to streamline your morning schedule!
The Art of Gentle Condemnation
Chris recommends ‘gentle consequences’ instead of harsher punishments for misbehavior. For example, limiting the number of bedtime stories is a gentle way to remind children of appropriate behavior.
She suggests that a very gentle consequence could be to say: “If you do this, then we will do that.” If you are rude to others, there won’t be a story tonight from Mummy or Daddy. It doesn’t have a dramatic impact on their lives, but it is effective because they are given your full attention.
Chris emphasizes that just because children aren’t being read a story doesn’t mean there is no love or affection.
She clarifies, “It does not mean that she won’t get a hug from me before she goes to sleep.” “But she doesn’t get that one-on-one attention.” If she wants to be in the story, she will need to change her behaviour.
You can also have a mild consequence by not eating dessert or watching TV at night.
Accept the compliment
Consider it a compliment the next time you think your child is perfect for everyone but you! This means that your child sees you as a safe place, someone who will love him or her no matter what boundaries they push. You’re probably doing an excellent job as a parent if you have this understanding.
Understanding the Dynamics of Behaviour
At home, children often express themselves because they are comfortable. In public, they may be able to hold their emotions in check so as not to offend or punish others. But at home, children can express themselves. This is not an indication of poor parenting, but rather that the child trusts their parents to allow them to express themselves.
Chris explains how the behaviors we exhibit at home are often a result of our day’s experiences. She says that they are releasing all their pent up energy and emotions. At daycare or at school, children are expected to be responsible, interact with their peers and present themselves in the best light. “When they get home, this is their chance to relax.”
Emotional Expression: It’s Important
This emotional expression can frustrate parents but is vital for the child’s growth. By allowing children to express their emotions at home, you can foster an atmosphere of open communication and emotional sensitivity. Children need to learn how to express their emotions.
Chris emphasizes that parents must model the appropriate way to express feelings. She advises, “Show them the proper way to express their emotions.” If they are upset, encourage them to express what is bothering them rather than resorting to tantrums.
Set realistic expectations
Parents must set realistic expectations for their children’s behavior. Children are still learning to manage their emotions and social interactions. It’s okay for them to make mistakes. Instead of reacting with frustration, it’s better to help them navigate through the challenges.
Chris stresses that “understand that children learn”, he says. It’s okay if they don’t respond immediately to your expectations. This is part of the growth process.
Consistency is key to parenting.
Consistency is another important aspect to encourage better behavior. Knowing what to expect makes children feel safe. Chris urges parents to set clear rules and consequences for their children. This helps them understand boundaries.
She explains that when children understand what is expected of them, it makes them more likely to live up to those expectations. If rules are inconsistent, they can create confusion and lead to misbehavior.
Creating a positive environment
A positive home environment has a significant impact on a child’s behaviour. Children can be motivated to behave better by positive reinforcement such as praise or rewards. Chris encourages parents to acknowledge their child’s accomplishments, no matter what size.
She encourages, “Focus your attention on the positives.” When your child does a good thing, praise them. This will reinforce positive behavior and encourage your child to make more good choices.
Communication is Powerful
Communication is key in any relationship between parent and child. Encourage your child to share their feelings and thoughts with you.
Chris advises: “Create a safe environment for your child to express their emotions.” Ask them open-ended question about their day, friends and feelings. It will not only help you to understand their behavior, but it will also strengthen your relationship.
How to navigate parent stress and its impact
Stress as a parent can have a significant impact on how we respond to our children. Exhaustion can cause temper flare-ups and tension in the home. Stress management and self-care are essential for parents.
Chris explains that when parents are stressed out, it can lead to a negative environment in the family. Take time to relax, exercise or pursue hobbies. “A calmer parent will lead to a calmer family.”
Encouragement of Independence in Children
Encouragement of independence can lead to better behaviors. Your child should be able to choose and accept responsibility for his or her actions. It can make them feel more empowered and in control.
Chris offers simple ideas to promote independence: “Let them choose their own clothes, snacks or activities.” They’ll be more cooperative when they feel they have a voice.
Create Routines that Work
It is beneficial to both parents and their children to establish daily routines. Routines can help children understand expectations by providing structure and setting clear expectations. Chris suggests creating a visual calendar for young children. It helps them understand daily tasks and transitions better.
She explains that visual schedules are particularly helpful for younger children. They can prepare for the day by seeing what’s next.
Quality Time is Important
Spending quality time with your children can help to mitigate difficult behaviors. Children are more likely behave positively when they feel valued and secure. Chris stresses the importance of making time for one-onone interactions despite busy schedules.
She suggests that you set aside time each day for your child. Even if this is only 10 or 15 minutes a day. Engage in a fun activity or a simple conversation. This will strengthen your relationship and make them feel appreciated.
Recognizing Emotional Overwhelm
Often, challenging behaviors in children are the result of emotional overload rather than deliberate misbehavior. Children often feel strong emotions that they are unable to express. These feelings should not be dismissed, but rather acknowledged.
Chris suggests that you validate their feelings. Let them know that it’s ok to be upset. Find ways for them to express their feelings in a constructive way.
Teaching Coping Skills
It is important to teach children coping skills so they can manage their emotions. By giving them the tools to deal with frustration, disappointment and anger, you can reduce challenging behaviors.
Chris suggests that you introduce breathing exercises, mindfulness or simple activities such as counting to 10 when your child feels overwhelmed. These skills will benefit them throughout their life.
Conclusion: Parenting Journeys: Accepting and Embracing them
It’s important to accept both the challenges as well as the victories of parenting. It’s natural for children to test the boundaries at home and express themselves. Parents can help their children thrive by adopting a flexible, patient and understanding approach.
Remember that you should always remember this.
When your child behaves well for others but not you, this is a sign of the trust and security that they feel in their home. They trust that you will love and accept them no matter what. This allows them to express their feelings freely. Take it as a complement and know you’re doing a great job as a mother or father!
Seeking support
Remember that it’s perfectly normal to seek support when parenting challenges seem overwhelming. Connecting with others, whether it is through friends, family or parenting groups can give you new perspectives and valuable advice. Online communities and local groups are excellent places to share experiences and gain new insights.
Consult professionals such as child psychologists and counselors if your child’s behaviour is out of the ordinary. Professional advice can provide tailored strategies to meet the unique needs of your family.
The Takeaway
Understanding, consistency, and patience are the keys to successfully navigating the complexity of child behavior. It is possible that your children’s behavior may not reflect their true personality. Instead, it can be a reflection of their comfort level and their trust in you. You are not only raising well-behaved kids, but also nurturing emotionally intelligent, confident individuals who can face the world.
