Maintaining Your Identity as a Mum
It’s wonderful to be a mother, but sometimes it can feel like a blur of nappy changes, crying babies, and endless cleaning and cooking. What happened to the woman before she became a mother?
Here’s how to keep your identity as a mother and feel good about yourself.
1. Reaffirm Who You Are
When your house is suddenly filled with photos and toys of your children, it’s easy for you to forget what you were like.
Keep a few mementos of your past life around – old photos, framed certificates, or travel souvenirs. You can remember what you liked to do before children by hanging a vision board in your bedroom or office. Look at it each day and set yourself goals (personal or career). Try saying affirmations before you start your day in meditation or by looking in the mirror.
2. Schedule me-time
When you’re caring for a family, days can turn into months. When you are caring for a family, days can turn into months (and even more sleep-deprived), schedule your precious “me” time in your diary as if it were a doctor’s appointment. If possible, schedule your me-time at least once a week.
You can do anything you want, whether it’s a massage, getting nails done, watching a movie or taking a yoga lesson. It should be something you enjoy doing alone. Being by yourself as a mother is rare.
You need this. Don’t worry about feeling guilty. The washing can wait. Your kids won’t mind if someone else takes care of the children. You’ll become a happier, calmer mum.
3. Bring the kids to activities
Instead of letting go of your old hobbies or activities, try to involve them with the kids.
If you like to exercise, try pushing the pram or joining a Mums and Bubs fitness class. You can let your child play in the dirt while you plant seeds and pull weeds. If you’re a jet-setter, you can plan a trip where you bring the kids along. Even though it may be difficult to travel with children (and costly), vacations are still a lot of fun.
4. Keep in touch with your friends
When you are a mum who stays at home, it’s easy to feel isolated. Even if you make new friends in your mother’s club, baby talk is always the subject of conversation.
Keep in touch with your old friends, even if you only communicate via social media or phone when your child is asleep. Don’t forget to keep in touch with old colleagues, as it can help you stay up-to-date if you plan on returning at some point.
5. Dress to the Part
We’ve all done it. You’re wearing your old maternity clothes, trackies, and spew-covered tees to celebrate the first birthday of your baby. It’s time to dig out those old clothes from before you had a baby and put in some effort, especially if are no longer nursing. Look like yourself again and you’ll feel better.
No need to worry if you don’t fit in your old clothes anymore – there has never been a more perfect excuse for some retail therapy!
6. Click on your favorites
You don’t need to only listen to Wiggles and watch Play School. Why not play the news, or a lifestyle show while the children are eating breakfast? It’s not something they will want to see. Do not forget to play your favorite songs in the car and around the house. Music is a great way to get your kids interested in music.
7. New project to tackle
Mums need to have something else to concentrate on besides what’s for dinner or who smacked whom. You could start a business, decorate your home, take an online class, volunteer, or even start a book club with friends if you are not working.
You’ll feel so satisfied if you do something else besides caring for your children.
8. Don’t forget date night
Don’t forget your partner! Just as parents need some time alone without their children, so do they. Plan a date (or a lunch, brunch, or beach walk – whatever!) Put a date night in your calendar every month, or more if possible.
You’ll likely spend all the time talking about them, but being out without them will do wonders for the relationship between you and your partner, making you both better parents.
Maintaining your identity as a mother
“I’ve been so busy taking care of others that I haven’t thought about what I want anymore.” “I’m feeling like I’m fading in this monotony.”
You might be a mother if you have ever thought of any of these thoughts.
Motherhood is one of the most difficult and demanding jobs in the world. It’s physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding, and you can feel lost when you give so much of yourself to your children. I am a mom twice over, and each time.
I feel like I’ve had to re-discover myself — my goals and personal priorities, how I feel most comfortable expressing myself, how to best tend to my physical/emotional/mental/spiritual needs, what brings me the most joy, what makes me feel most like ME. According to research, it’s a common experience among moms.
How can we maintain a balance between giving ourselves to a relationship which demands so much from us, and remaining true to our own identity? Here are five principles which have helped me maintain my identity as a mother.
1. You are not just a mother.
Being a mother changes your life dramatically. It is not only a physical responsibility to care for an innocent human being but also a burden of expectations and societal baggage that are rooted in the history of motherhood. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all of this and like you don’t measure up.
Take a step back if you feel that you’re getting lost in the comparisons and pressure. You are more than “Mom”.
Don’t feel bad if you don’t always feel fulfilled as a mother. We love our children from the bottom of our hearts. Of course, we want to provide them with everything they need and be our best. Your needs are important too.
You are more than just a mother. You are more than your children. Make sure you nourish yourself and find your value and worth in other areas. When we care for our physical, emotional, and mental needs, we have more to give those we love.
2. You’re entitled to your choice of whether or not you work outside the house.
As a mom, outside-the-home work is one of the most difficult and contentious topics to negotiate. The career of a woman can play a huge role in her identity. It may define her relationships, dictate how she spends time, and, ultimately, shape how she views the world.
It can be hard to decide whether you want to stay home and raise your children full-time or pursue a career. You may not have much of a choice in the matter, which can make it even more difficult.
Instead of arguing about whether or whether working outside the home is a good idea for moms, it’s better to consider whether it’s the best choice for YOU. The research has shown that a woman’s preferences are one of the main factors determining her relationship with her mental health. (Alongside social support and the quality of her job) (Gordon 2018).
Finding the right balance between work and home can improve your mental health, and make you a better partner and mom. If you’re not sure how to find the right balance for you.
3. You still have other relationships to consider
Most mothers, particularly stay-at-home moms, spend most of their time with children. That’s okay! Making the sacrifices to be there for your children during these formative years is so rewarding. It can be easy to lose your mind (and yourself) when all you have for company is your toddler.
Spend time nurturing adult relationships that are not directly related to motherhood. Playgroup moms can be great, but they’re not the only adults you should spend time with.
You will only have your partner when the children are grown and gone. See This Post Here to learn more about the issues with prioritizing your child as your primary relationship!
4. Do not feel that you must abandon your passions, hopes, and dreams.
As a mother, you have to make many sacrifices. But you shouldn’t have to give up your identity.
What makes you YOU are the things that you are passionate about. You may have to adjust the time you devote to pursuing your personal goals to become a better mother, but you don’t have to abandon them completely. Continue to improve yourself and develop your skills in many areas. This will help you, your family, and your parenting.
You are not the sole person responsible for your child’s upbringing. Do not feel that the burden of raising your child is all on you. You can rely on your village for the help you need to take care of your family, and yourself. You don’t have to wait until you are at your wit’s end before asking for help.
Use your partner, friends, family, the community, childcare, etc. You can use your partner, family members, community, child care, etc. to give you the space and time you need to learn, grow, and develop your own identity.
5. There are seasons and times.
One of my mentors, whom I adored, shared with me some words of wisdom as I worked on my undergraduate degree. She said, “You still have time!”
Ecclesiastes 3:10 “To everything there is a time, and to every purpose in the heavens a season.”
We can feel rushed by the current pace of our world, and we may not be able to take advantage of it. It tells us that “time is scarce” and we often give up our dreams, feeling like there will never be enough time. Do you want to learn something? Do not rush to complete everything.
You have plenty of time to do what you want and need to, no matter where you are in your journey as a mother. You will have enough time if you live in the present and find joy in your current season.
Set goals and make a plan if you want to achieve something important
How to embrace motherhood without losing your identity
I hated hearing the question “Is your baby a good one?” from friends and strangers.
Some babies are inherently evil and some are inherently good.
“Well, I would say that she is not a bad child.” “But she’s difficult.”
There are two types of babies: the easy ones and the difficult ones. The good Lord has blessed Josh and me with two difficult babies. Most likely, to keep both of us humble. Very humble.
No one can prepare you for all the chaos, uncertainty, and guilt that comes with becoming a parent. People will try to prepare for sleepless nights, colic and grocery store tantrums. But let’s face it, you won’t be ready until you experience them.
