15 Labor Room Mistakes Dads Should Never Make: The Ultimate Guide
The birth of a child is one of the most intense and emotional experiences a couple can have. Your role as a husband or father during the labor of your wife is vital to provide her with all the love and support she needs. Some men are the perfect partners to comfort and support their wives during labor. Others, however, may not be so successful. Knowing what NOT to do can be as important as knowing what to do for any father-to-be. Here’s a list that includes 15 things you should avoid at this crucial time. It’ll either make your partner look like an angel, or it will have you sleeping on the couch the next few months.
Recently, one of our favorite mothers, the author behind Mummy Short, shared some funny yet eyebrow-raising things that husbands have done while in labor. We’ve created our list of “what not to do” in her honor. This survival guide is for dads so that you don’t become the guy who makes your wife roll her eyes or raises an eyebrow at the hospital. Take a minute to read on and then mentally prepare yourself to do the opposite.
1. Don’t Get Lost
It can be stressful to travel to the hospital, or even a birthing center, when you are pressed for time. If you’re not familiar with the route, it’s a good idea to get acquainted with it hand. You can Google directions and see how long it takes to get there. Consider driving the route in advance. You don’t need to be in the middle of a laboring wife in the car while you argue with your GPS. Trust me, you don’t want to have your baby born on the side road.
2. Don’t Work. It Doesn’t Work.
You’d be surprised. Imagine you are rushing to the hospital with your wife, when suddenly she has a contraction. What does your husband do? Answer a call for business. Yep. It happened. One woman relates how her husband called her during the trip to the hospital, and asked her to signal before she went into labor so that he could finish his conversation. Dads, you have a new message: your work can wait. It is more important to be fully present with your wife at this momentous occasion than any email, phone conversation, or business meeting.
3. Don’t Go Shopping
Shopping can be therapeutic. But not during labor. Dads have been known to disappear during the contractions of their wives, only to return with a Tupperware or PS3 set. It’s not true that buying new containers will earn you more points. Spoiler alert! Tupperware will not make her feel any better. You should put your wife first, and not run errands.
4. Returning with a Gift – But Not This Kind
If you need to leave the room for a moment (perhaps to get some fresh air), be sure to return with a thoughtful gift. Flowers or chocolate can help ease tension. Remember, do not bring back a gift which could be misconstrued as a bribe. The ideal gift is a diamond, or something of equal value (no Tupperware counts). Make sure that it is meaningful and not just a last-minute gift.
5. Don’t Talk Sports to the Doctor
Conversations can be strained during labor. Don’t start small talk, such as sports, with your doctor or midwife when they are trying to guide you. In normal circumstances, asking “Did the game go last night?” is a great icebreaker. but not during childbirth. Keep your focus and only engage in conversations that support the situation.
6. Limit the number of selfies you take (or don’t take any at all)
Everybody loves a selfie, but when you’re working? Really? A new mother recalls that her husband took so many selfies while in scrubs, before an emergency C-section, the battery of the camera was nearly drained when the baby was delivered. Selfies are not appropriate during labor. You can capture special moments, but remember that your wife may be focusing on many physical and emotional challenges. Your selfie marathon can be put off.
7. Don’t Check Your Watch
Nobody needs to know the time. Watching the clock will not help your wife, whether it is 10 AM or 10 PM. You can appear impatient or detached if you are constantly checking your watch. This is not what you want to be. Focus on her and not the minutes ticking by. You can glance at your mobile if you feel the need. Be subtle.
8. Don’t wander south of the bed without permission
Ladies, you know your boundaries, and while every couple has different comfort zones, some dads have been known to wander a little too far south of the bed. If you’re not sure, stay above the waistline. The last thing your wife needs in the middle of a contraction is a husband who suddenly thinks it’s okay to get “hands-on” in areas that should remain off-limits during labor. Just don’t go there unless you’re explicitly invited.
9. Don’t Mention Being Hungry
What do you know? You don’t need to worry about being hungry while you are in labor. Your wife and baby should be your main focus. Wait until your wife has settled into her new home and the baby is born before you start eating. Be prepared for a death-stare if you mention. One mother shared the story of how her husband asked if he could borrow one of her pillows while she was giving birth. Read the room, buddy.
10. Don’t Yawn and Complain about Being Tired
It’s perfectly normal to be tired during childbirth, but do not express this. Even if you’re running on very little sleep, it’s nothing in comparison to what your spouse is going through. Even a slight yawn could send the wrong signal. You don’t have to complain if you need a rest. Just say that you are going to the doctor or getting some water. You must put her needs before your own, even if it means you are exhausted.
11. Don’t Complain about Anything
It’s not the right time to express your frustration or discomfort. If you feel tired or have a headache but your wife does the work, you should not complain. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t tell anyone. Remember that she is the one who is pushing out her baby. You’ll find that everything you want or need will seem trivial in comparison.
12. Don’t post about it on Social Media
Resist the urge to share anything about the birth process on Facebook and Instagram. The status “the baby is crowning is not something that everyone needs to know.” Save the announcement of a baby for when it is appropriate. Your social media followers don’t need real-time updates about your wife’s dilation. Respect her privacy at this time.
13. Don’t screech “Oh my God” when the baby is coming out
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed at the birth of a child, but keep your emotions under control. It’s not helpful to yell “Oh my god” as the baby comes out. If you have to, smile, nod and give a thumbs up. You can show her you care about her, and you are in control even if your insides are a mess. A calm presence can go a long way.
14. Don’t compare her to a cow
Comparing your wife to a cow is one of the most embarrassing things you can do during labor. The husband who was raised on a ranch proudly said to the nurse, “I have seen this a thousand times with cows.” Wives and cows do not belong together during labor. Do not compare cows and wives if you want to remain married.
You should support your wife as much as possible during the labor process. As a partner, your role is to remain calm and focused. The list of things not to do may seem funny, but it is also a reminder to your wife that her experience during labor can be greatly influenced by your actions. Be present, be patient, and be her rock at this momentous time in your life.
Take note, fathers! Make sure you behave in a way that your wife will be proud of for years to come.
