Calling a Baby Sleep Expert: Is it Worth It?
The worst thing about having a newborn is the lack of sleep. It can seem like the situation will never end. It can seem like it’s never going to end, even when people tell you that it will be over ‘one day.’ You may feel that it is so far away that you could lose your mind.
Why bother? Why are they speaking to you at all? Why? Sleep deprivation can make you angry. You may also feel a little fuzzy.
Your First Baby Will Lull You Into a False Asleep Sense
Despite my enthusiasm for baby care, I learned parenting on the job. One of the things that I have learned along the way is that what works well for one child may not work as well for another. My three children were all different and I had a different approach to each one.
It was easy to get along with my first child. He was so naturally calm that I didn’t have any problems. I was clueless about the sleep, feed, play rhythm and spent hours every day rocking my baby in the belief that infants need to sleep. He would squirm a bit, but then he’d just go to sleep.
After he turned three months old, I transitioned him smoothly from the bassinet next to my bed to a cot. And when I decided it was time to teach him to sleep through the night, I employed the slowly creep-out-of-the-room method. It involved placing him in his crib and, on the first evening, sitting next to him while my arm was through the bars. Each night, I slowly removed myself. Slowly, I moved towards the door. I eventually reached the door and then the hallway
Your Second Baby Does Not Want To Sleep With You
After 10 years, my second child arrived. I felt like I was starting over and forgot everything I knew. I also had a different personality. This baby was loud, communicative and delightful, unlike his calmer sibling. This baby has always wanted to be near me. We were not separate. I also wanted to always be near him. He would look at me with the biggest brown eyes I had ever seen and the longest lashes, and I felt like this baby needed me. I can’t let him be alone!
In his first five months, he would sleep in bed with his father and me, or in a baby hammock next to our bed, but was most comfortable snuggled to me, like a puppy.
The 10-Minute Nap From Hell
It happened. Around six months old, he still slept with us but he began waking up every 40 minutes. After that, he woke up every 10 minutes. Then every 10. I was exhausted. Crazy tired. My partner was a wreck. He had to wake up every day at 5 am to go to work. It was time to act.
Enter: Sleep Expert
A baby sleep expert was recommended to me by a friend. Jo Ryan explained to us after a phone consultation that she would create a program that would teach us how to get our baby to sleep all night and that she would also provide follow-up consultations to check on us.
Jo’s advice to replace my baby’s dummy with a comforting stuffed animal was not only successful but is one of the most prized possessions of our son. She gave us other advice that was both developmentally appropriate and specific to our child’s needs. She created a schedule that worked with our family’s real-life schedule.
It Almost Broke Us, But It Didn’t…
It was not easy to get my second child to sleep. It was important to use the same techniques consistently. Unlike my first child, a lot more crying occurred. Not only by the baby. We both took turns to settle him. Sometimes we felt like we were broken.
It worked. After three weeks, he was sleeping through the night. He continued to sleep through the night.
Most of my friends had sleep problems with their babies, so I recommended Jo to them.
Sleep Advice that Works
Jo’s knowledge was invaluable to me when I had my third child. It was much easier because I knew exactly what to expect. Jo was able to help me with a few things, such as the 4-month sleep regression. I was learning by doing. Jo was a great help.
Find Out What Works For You
I strongly believe every parent should do what is right for their child and themselves. No one is more qualified to meet your baby’s specific needs than you. Jo’s experience taught me that there was a way to get some sleep.
How to Settle Your Baby And Help Him Sleep
Around 6 months old, the sleep patterns of babies begin to resemble those of adults. As they don’t need to be fed so often, babies tend to sleep longer at night.
Some babies continue to cry overnight.
Parents are encouraged by the government to respond to their child’s needs. Recognizing that your baby needs help and responding accordingly is what we call responsive settling.
You can achieve this by understanding your baby’s signals, signs of fatigue and intensity. You should always be available to your baby if he or she is in distress.
You can support your child at bedtime by creating a positive environment and establishing routines.
Each baby and each family is different. You should use a strategy you are comfortable with, that suits your baby as well as your family.
Sleeping With Your Baby In Parental Presence
The goal of parental presence Is to help your child settle on his or her own.
This strategy may be effective but it could take a little longer to help you sleep better than other methods.
You will also have to do more work as you must stay with your child for seven to ten days, whenever they are awake.
You should not engage with your child – you want to break the connection between your attention and the baby’s sleeping behaviour.
Use Parental Presence
- Decide what time you will go to bed.
- Start a positive routine for bedtime (such as taking a warm shower and reading a good book).
- If possible, place your baby in their crib while they are still awake or drowsy.
- Good night, baby. Gently pat it.
- Pretend to sleep on a mattress or bed in your child’s bedroom with the nightlight on.
- Make a little noise or move (such as coughing, turning over or turning your baby) to let your baby know you’re there.
- Try not to pick up your baby if he or she is distressed. Instead, use gentle words and touch them.
- After one or two minutes, lie back and pretend to be asleep.
- Repeat this process every time your child is upset or awake. Repeat this process for daytime sleep and naps.
- Continue the strategy for seven nights.
- You can go back to your room after 3 consecutive nights of minimal disturbance.
- You can use the same strategy if your baby’s sleeping pattern is disrupted once again.
Camping Out Can Help Your Baby To Sleep
The strategy of camping out is very similar to that of parental presence. This is useful if you do not want to sleep in the baby’s bedroom but are unable to leave them to cry for even a few moments.
It may take between one and three weeks for your baby to be able to go to bed by himself if you follow this strategy.
If you plan and progress slowly through each step of the camping process, then you will have a better chance at success.
- Decide what time you will go to bed.
- Start a positive routine for bedtime (like a warm shower and reading a good book).
- When your baby is tired but awake, place them in the cot and say goodnight.
Camp Out Steps
Each of the following steps should be followed in order. Your baby may require some time to get used to this new way of settling. It may take up to three nights to complete each step.
- Sit or lie down next to your child and stroke or pat them gently until they fall asleep, then leave the space.
- Place a chair next to the cot, but do not touch it. Before you leave the room, let your baby go to sleep.
- As you sit, gradually increase the distance from the bed. Before you leave the room, let your baby go to sleep.
- Place the chair in front of the bedroom door.
Repeat the steps you took at bedtime to teach your child to settle themselves.
Find Help For Baby And Toddler Sleep
Child Health Centres
Start by visiting your local family and child health centre. You can get advice and information from your child and family nurse about sleep and other concerns in early childhood. Find your nearest centre by using our local service guides.
Parent Helplines
Parent Helplines in Australia are available to help. You can get advice on how to deal with sleep issues and where you can find help in your area. Some helplines are geared towards parents of babies and small children.
If you need immediate help, some parent helplines operate after-hours.
Early Parenting Centres
Early parenting centres, also known as ‘ sleep school’, can help you manage your child better. The centres can help you establish routines such as feeding, settling and playing with your child. They can also support you in personal matters.
Early parenting centres have staff who understand the struggles you and your baby are facing. They are used to handling all types of feeding and settling issues. The centres will all have different routines, but work with you to create one that encourages you to sleep more.
Referrals are required for some centres. You can get one from your GP, child and family nurse or other health professionals. You can also contact the centre yourself.
You will be able to speak with someone about your requirements and what the centre can provide. You might find:
- You can also read our article about how to get started.
- Referral to a Parent Education Session
- A day-stay program
- A residential program.
In a Residential Program, you will stay in a unit that includes a bed, a cot, and all the other things you might need. This also includes in-house assistance. Some centres may have a waiting list.
Medicare pays for the majority of government-funded parenting centres. Some items, such as meals and nappies, may require an extra charge.
Medicare does not cover all costs. You may be eligible for a refund if you have private medical insurance.
You can find out more about parenting centres in your local area by contacting the Child and Family Health Centre.
GPs or Pediatricians
No matter how hard you try, some babies and toddlers have a very difficult time settling down and getting to sleep. If this is your situation, you might want to consider taking your child to a pediatrician who specializes in helping babies and toddlers settle down and get some sleep. Start by speaking to your GP. You can be referred to a pediatrician, and they will also check on any developmental or health concerns.
