We had a wonderful holiday this year. It’s the kind of holiday that includes beautiful beaches, sunshine, salty skin, and ice cream. But life isn’t an Instagram feed. The peaceful holiday we had was interrupted by fighting, teasing and tears.
I’ve tried to get down on their level, ask the questions (“How do you feel if your sister called you a “poo bum” Yes, I know that your brother’s breathing is annoying but what’s the alternative?”), and distract them where I can (TV anyone?) There are times that I’m completely at a loss for words or strategies.
Here are the 10 Ways to Resolve Sibling Fights that may help you, from experts and real-life parents.
You’re not the only one who has to deal with sibling conflicts. Parents face similar challenges. Experts and other parents have shared strategies to help navigate the tricky terrain of sibling rivalry and foster better relationships between your children. Discover how to reduce sibling rivalry and promote harmony in your family by diving into these insights.
1. Fighting is a healthy and normal behaviour
Fighting is a normal and healthy part of your child’s development. Karen Young, a child development expert from Hello Sigmun,d says that parents often worry about their children’s arguments leading to emotional problems throughout life. This is not true, according to Karen Young. Fighting is part of growing and helps children to learn about relationships, boundaries and conflict resolution.
As children grow older, they may begin to assert themselves and cause friction between siblings. Children may try to assert their independence, set boundaries or express themselves in a way that conflicts with other family members. Disagreements are inevitable as they explore who they are and how they fit into the family. As long as there is no bullying or aggressive behaviour, conflict is a healthy part of your child’s emotional and social growth. While it can be frustrating, fighting between siblings is often an indication that your child is growing and maturing. They are also learning how to manage relationships with others.
2. Your child is just like you — with a slightly lower level of impulse control
You can relate to the mood swings of your child if you have ever experienced a bad day where you were grumpy or tired or if you were hangry (hungry but angry). Just like adults, kids also experience frustration, fatigue, and irritation. The key difference between children and adults is their inability to control their emotions. This is why even a simple disagreement could quickly turn into a full-blown fight.
Karen Young says that children have the same emotional needs as adults. They may want attention, independence or power. Children lack the emotional maturity necessary to articulate these needs constructively. Children who are hungry, tired or feel left out may pick a fight if they’re feeling angry. A child who feels that their belongings or space are under threat may also become defensive.
Parents need to understand that their child’s behaviour may not be a reflection of bad intent but is rather the result of a developmental stage. It’s because they are still learning to manage their emotions and appropriately express their needs You can approach the situation more empathically if you recognise this.
3. Distraction is the art of distraction
Sometimes, the best way to deal with a situation where tempers are high and voices are raised is by simply distracting people. Here’s where the art is a diversion. You might feel the need to fix the problem immediately. However, diverting your child’s attention is a great way to prevent escalation.
Sometimes, changing the environment is enough to help. Kirsten Toovey is a parent who suggests inviting children to her home during holidays to keep their kids entertained. Children’s energy can be redirected to a new playmate or activity, which often leads to less conflict.
4. Take Advantage of Consequences
Consistency is important in any situation. Rosemary Stachen is a mother who uses consequences to manage fights. She has a brilliant way of handling sibling conflicts. She gives her children clear instructions on how to handle conflict, including how to apologise and treat each other with respect. She assigns specific chores or tasks that must be done immediately to her standards if they do not comply.
This method works because it helps the children channel their frustration or anger into something constructive. Instead of arguing, they can concentrate on the task at hand and productively release their pent-up emotions. The work also serves to remind them that their actions do have consequences. This reinforces the notion that their behaviour is important.
This strategy has a dual benefit for parents. You not only teach your kids the importance of consequences and responsibility but also receive some much-needed help around the home. Consistency is key in making sure your children know that their actions will have consequences.
5. Reverse psychology: A playful trick that works
The reverse psychology technique is an effective way to change your child’s behaviour. Kerri Sackville is a mother of three who uses this tactic to resolve sibling disputes. This rule has the opposite result. Her children often break the rules and begin talking and laughing with each other.
The reverse psychology technique works because it appeals to your child’s natural curiosity and desire to push boundaries. You might spark their curiosity by telling them not to interact with their siblings. This playful approach can help defuse tensions and allow your children to see things from a new perspective.
It is important to only use reverse psychology in moderation. It can lose its power if used too frequently. This trick is effective when used in the right circumstances.
6. Let them resolve it.
Children can resolve some conflicts better than parents. Karen Young says that the best lessons in conflict resolution are learned from personal experience. Your children won’t learn to resolve conflicts on their own if you solve them all for them.
This does not mean that you should ignore bullying, physical aggression or cruelty. If the disagreement is mild, you can let your child resolve it. This will help them to develop social and emotional skills. Conflict resolution is an important life skill. The more your children practice it, the more they will be better prepared to deal with similar challenges in future.
If you think that the situation is getting out of control, gently remind your children about your family values: kindness, honesty and courage. You can ask your children to reflect on their behaviour by asking them questions such as “Are we being honest?” or “Are we being kind?”
7. Consider yourself a teacher, not a referee
It’s not about always resolving fights between siblings. It’s important to teach your children healthy ways to resolve conflict, navigate relationships and manage emotions. Karen Young says that your role as parents is to help your children develop emotional intelligence.
Instead of jumping in to resolve the conflict, teach your children about emotional awareness. Remind them to be honest and responsible and praise them when they admit that they have done something wrong. Encourage them to consider how they could make amends or what they can do to prevent future conflicts.
The goal is ultimately to give your children the tools to resolve disagreements with maturity and respect. It will help them to resolve sibling disputes and prepare them for future relationships.
8. Constant Arguments: How to handle them
Some children have a natural argumentative nature. They question authority, challenge rules and argue about anything. It’s important to maintain perspective, even though this can be frustrating. Children who are constantly fighting may be showing qualities that they will later benefit from. Children who are independent and assertive often develop leadership skills as well as the ability to defend themselves and their views.
It’s important to remember, when you have an argumentative kid that these traits will be useful as your child gets older. It’s important to also set boundaries and promote respectful communication. Talk about the importance of respect, listening and accepting they might not always be correct. This will help your children understand that it is important to respect the opinions of others, even though it’s fine to have an opinion.
9. Set Consequences For Arguments
Some arguments cannot be resolved by a simple distraction. Often, long-term conflicts need clear consequences. Establishing rules for respectable behaviour is important. Let your child know the consequences if these rules are not followed. Consistent consequences help your child understand that their actions can have real-world effects.
You might begin by giving a warning or reminding the child of what you expect. Then, you could follow up with a consequence, such as a loss of privileges or extra chores. It is important to be consistent with your consequences and to make sure that they are appropriate for the situation.
10. Reward Obedience
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for shaping behaviour When your child follows the rules and cooperates, be sure to praise them. By telling your child that you value their good behaviour, it reinforces your family’s values of peaceful and respectful interactions.
If your child can see that positive behaviour is rewarded and praised, it may encourage them to continue the behaviour. This can encourage them to prefer peaceful solutions instead of arguments.
Conclusion
While they can be frustrating and cause a lot of stress, sibling conflicts are a normal part of childhood. They also provide valuable learning opportunities. We have the opportunity, as parents, to help our children navigate these conflicts and develop the skills needed to navigate relationships into the future. We can raise children with better conflict-resolution skills by teaching emotional intelligence and promoting empathy.
The way we deal with conflict at home teaches children valuable lessons about respect, communication and self-control. You can transform these difficult moments by focusing on the long term and being patient with your siblings.
