Why You Shouldn’t Hyphenate Your Surname
Why you might want to think twice before hyphenating your surname
After marriage, hyphenating your last name has become a popular choice. This is because people want to maintain their identity, keep professional recognition and respect family traditions. While hyphenation might seem like the perfect compromise between your maiden and married names, it is not without its own set of problems. After writing for a decade under my maiden surname, Rogers, when I married, I was faced with a dilemma: Should I take my husband’s name or keep mine? I decided to hyphenate. While I don’t regret my decision, there are some challenges.
You might want to consider hyphenating the surname before you do:
Forms and paperwork: The struggle with forms and paperwork
The first and most irritating aspect of hyphenating a last name is that it complicates forms. The boxes are always too small to accommodate a surname with two bars. Don’t get me started with the stress I feel when I have to decide whether or not to put the hyphen between two squares or if it should be in its box. This is enough to drive any person crazy. Filling out forms used to be easy. Now, it’s a frustrating exercise in patience.
It’s not as easy as you might think to fill out online forms. Some online systems will not accept hyphens at all. While a hyphen may be a standard character, certain forms will flag it as a “special character” and not let you continue unless it is removed. My boarding passes often read “Sabrina Rogersanderson”, which is not as sophisticated as you would expect. Imagine having to deal with flight attendants and receptionists who say, “Wow! That’s a surname!” not because they are interested but because they believe it is an error.
Families can be complicated when it comes to family issues.
When I travelled with my children, one of the most unexpected challenges arose, when I went to check in for my flight with my twins and myself, I had a problem. I was not recognized as the primary passenger by the online check-in because my surname had a hyphen. The only names that appeared were my twins because they had the same last name as their father. After an hour of phone calls with the airline, I was told that there had been confusion due to the different surnames listed on the tickets. The issue was eventually resolved, but I lost a lot of time and patience.
Clarifying your name is a constant need.
A hyphenated name can also be a big problem because you have to constantly clarify it. When I call customer service,e I always say “Rogers”, and they ask for my address. Then I have to hurriedly say, “Wait! I’m still not done!” It’s Rogers-hyphen-Anderson!” This leads to awkward pauses as they fumble through their system to figure out how to update the form or database. Both sides are frustrated, but I deal with it regularly.
The Guilt Of Making It Complicated
Let me be clear. I do not regret hyphenating the surname because it is now a part of my identity. It’s part of my identity. I’ve written under it, and I feel like it. Sometimes, however, I feel as if I am making life harder for other people. I find myself often apologizing to people for my long and complex surname. I can understand that it’s a little difficult for them to type out or pronounce. It’s an awkward situation where I try to explain it is a personal decision but feel that I am inconveniencing other people. This is a strange form of guilt that I am sure not only I feel.
The Generational Cascade of Decisions
Consider what hyphenating a surname will mean to future generations. Some people may feel differently than I do. For instance, my decision to avoid hyphenating my surname for my children is a good example. You can expect your children to carry the cumbersome, double-barrelled surname for their entire lives if you hyphenate it. If your child marries someone who has a hyphenated surname, then you could be looking at a cascade of names.
It’s a common problem in Quebec, where double-barrelled surnames are the norm. When two people marry with hyphenated names, the children may end up with long and difficult-to-spell or pronounce names. Even if this doesn’t happen to your children, they will still have to deal with the same frustrations as you when it comes to forms, social situations and paperwork.
The pros of hyphenated surnames
Hyphenating your surname has some benefits despite the difficulties. It can be a good compromise when you want to honour both your family as well as your spouse’s. You can preserve your history and personal identity by adopting the surname of your spouse while keeping your maiden. It’s important to keep your maiden surname if you have built a career using it and do not want to lose that recognition.
You can also rebel against the tradition by hyphenating your name. It’s not a legal or social requirement to take your spouse’s surname. Hyphenation allows you to retain your independence while acknowledging marriage’s significance.
The Cons: Not Just a Name
As I’ve already mentioned, hyphenating a surname can be problematic. There are other problems that you should consider besides the frustrations of filling out forms and the guilt of complicating the situation for others.
1. Computer Issues: Older or poorly designed computers often have problems with hyphens. Online databases and forms often aren’t designed to accommodate special characters such as hyphens. This can lead to mistakes or mismatches of records. It can cause problems when you apply for government services, book travel or update your professional records.
2. Name Length Issues and Pronunciation: The longer the surname, the more difficult it will be to pronounce. When combined with long middle or first names, a hyphenated surname can be difficult to pronounce. It could cause people to trip over it or shorten it into something that does not reflect your true identity.
3. You may encounter judgment from others. This is especially true for those who are more conservative. Some people may find hyphenated names pretentious or even unnecessary. Others might question your commitment to marriage. This may cause tension with your in-laws or colleagues.
4. Children’s names: As we mentioned, your children will have to deal with the same problems if they inherit a surname with hyphens. The children may also feel embarrassed about their long names, especially when they are younger and have shorter names.
5. A hyphenated username can be problematic for social media and email. In a world where email addresses and social networking usernames are vital to personal and professional lives, having a name with hyphens can cause problems. Some platforms allow hyphens, but not all. You may have to compromise your online presence or create workarounds.
Alternatives to Hyphenation
There are alternative ways to deal with the name-change issue without the hassles.
- Keep your maiden name: It’s not a rule that you have to change your last name when you marry. It’s perfectly valid to keep your maiden as your legal name.
- Take your Spouse’s name: The more traditional way is to take your spouse’s last name and leave behind your own. It may seem like a huge step, but it is the easiest option.
- Middle name as your maiden name: It is possible to use your maiden name for your middle name. This will preserve it iwithoutthe need for hyphenation.
- Continue to use your maiden name in the professional world: You can also continue to use your maiden surname professionally hile adopting your spouse’s social surname. You can retain your professional identity and adopt your new family name.
Conclusion
It is important that you carefully consider the reasons why you want to hyphenate your surname. This compromise is made between honouring both your family name and your spouse’s. For many, this represents a way of preserving both identities. This choice is not without its challenges, both emotional and social. Itis importantt not to decide to hyphenate lightly. There are many factors to consider before making a decision. You should also consider the frustrations that may arise due to technological problems, interpersonal interactions, and even societal judgements. It’s not just about your name; it’s also about how you’d like to be remembered and identified. Some people may be happy to keep both names, while others might not. You should be empowered to make the decision that is right for you, whether it’s adopting the name of your spouse, keeping your maiden, hyphenating or using your maiden in professional settings and your spouse’s personal. You must make a decision that reflects who you are, your values and what is right for your family.
