“There is no rulebook for grief”: Carrie Bickmore on her two miscarriages

Posted in Stages of Pregnancy.

Carrie Bickmore’s expecting another baby with partner Chris Walker, and she’s keen to share her view on revealing pregnancy before the twelve-week mark.

Content note: This post discusses miscarriage.

“Remove the stigma”

Carrie and Chris are already parents to three-year-old Evie and ten-year-old Ollie. With another bub on the way, The Project anchor hopes to encourage a more bespoke approach to the discussion of pregnancy and baby loss.

“I do believe we need to remove the stigma around miscarriage for the sake of both women and men,” Carrie wrote in her Stellar column, revealing she’d miscarried twice, she noted that announcing pregnancies in the very early weeks might lead to challenges some mums aren’t yet prepared for.

“I know both times I miscarried, I was so relieved I hadn’t told many people I was pregnant. I was struggling to get my head around what had happened and was not in the mood to talk about it. I can’t imagine how I would have coped seeing the sad look in people’s faces … I needed time to adjust.”

Read more about Carrie Bickmore:

“While miscarrying seems to be an experience that is physically similar for many women, it’s emotionally different for all of us,” Carrie wrote.

Carrie says that following her own miscarriages, her thoughts shifted between sadness, logistics, confusion and blame.

“My mind raced. Guess I won’t need to turn the office into a baby’s room. What if I never get pregnant again? I wonder if it’s something that I ate? We should be grateful we are already parents to a healthy child. I really liked Harry as a name. Why is her baby growing just fine? Why me? Maybe it was stress … and the list goes on.”

“In our own time”

Carrie says that rather than a blanket push for earlier pregnancy reveals, we should simply assume that each mum knows what’s best for her. She hopes we’ll avoid judging how and when women choose to make their pregnancy news known – especially if they’ve experienced a loss.

She urged mums to do what works for them, whether it’s sharing their pregnancies in the first trimester or talking through feelings about the loss of a baby, as they try to push forward.

“I know women who rarely speak of their loss and others who will happily chat to the butcher about it. There is no formula or rulebook for grief.”

“All women benefit from hearing other women’s stories of miscarriage. We need to share more, but in our own time. If you wanna sing it from the rooftop the moment you see that gorgeous little blue line, that’s OK,” Carrie wrote. 

“But there is nothing wrong with keeping your news close until you know things are likely to be OK.”

If you’re struggling with the loss of a baby, please don’t go it alone. SANDS counsellors are there to support you and provide helpful advice about living with loss.


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