The five types of baby names you should always avoid

Smiling newborn baby

When we asked Babyology readers to share the weirdest names they’d encountered in their travels, some clear trends began to emerge.

Not only did a lot of people have a burning desire to share the most bonkers names they’d stumbled across, there were some very relatable reasons the names were on the “do not like” list.  

If you’d like to be forwarded and avoid the tot-naming pitfalls, know that unpopular names fell into the following five categories of shame …

1. Names that will ALWAYS need to be explained

Okay, some of these seem like they can’t possibly be for real. We’ll let you be the judge of these unpronounceables:

  • “Jkmn – pronounced Noel (cause it’s part of the alphabet with no ‘L’)”
  • “Ka-a (pronounced Kadasha). I wanted to say is ‘that’s actually kahyphona not kadasha'”
  • “I never taught him personally, but I ran across a young gent at a former school one day and asked him what his name was and whose class he was in. He said ‘Anfernee and I’m in Ms (whoever’s) class.’ I said ‘Ok, Anthony. Go there now straight away please.’ His response?  ‘My name’s Anfernee, not Anthony.’ I checked the roll. It was indeed Anfernee.”
  • “Working in childcare I have come across a few, but the weirdest for me was Axshin pronounced (Action).”
  • “CVIIIlyn – thats an eight in the middle in roman numerals- it’s Caitlyn!”

Oka-aaaaaay

  Read more on baby names:

2. Vice-themed  names

Some parents loved their bad habits so much, they named their kids after them. Gee thanks, Mum!

  • “A midwife told me a lady had twin boys and named them Benson and Hedges. They were [the mother’s] fave brand of smokes.”
  • “My son was in prep with a girl called Tequila.”
  • “Meth! It is an abbreviation of an Indian name I think. But sounds extremely weird when the kinder teachers say ‘Meth Meth!'”
  • “My husband went to school with twins named Gin and Tonic!”

How about Billion, Dagger, or La-a?

Posted by Babyology on Monday, 26 June 2017

3. Chemical and medical names

Sometimes names got a little lost in translation:

  • “My nan talks about a distant relative who named her daughter Chlorine – said she saw it on a bottle in the hospital and loved it …”
  • “Kerosene, pronounced Caressanay. Apparently they saw it at Bunnings and loved the word without knowing what it was.”
  • “Chlamydia. Apparently the midwives tried to dissuade her, but she told them no one would know that it was the name of a venereal disease.” 

#AreTheseForReal?!

4. Unwise first and last name combos

And at other times, parents perhaps haven’t thought the whole thing through. Erm …

  • “I had a teacher in high school called Miss Kew. Her first name was Barbara but her friends and peers called her Barbie… Barbie Kew.”
  • “My husband worked with a man called Stiff Wang.” #SureJan
  • “I worked in a hospital and this little old lady came in quite sick and her name was MISS FAIRLY CROOK… True true story.”
  • “There is a man named Harry Butt that works at our local Ski Resort …”

5. Rhyming names

Sometimes it’s a total Dr Seuss gone wrong situation:

  • “I was in hospital when I had my first daughter, Lauren. There was a woman in the next bed who had a baby boy, they called him Warren. His last name was McSporran. Warren McSporran. I used to joke that should Lauren and Warren grow up and marry they would be Lauren and Warren McSporran. It never happened thank God!”
  • “When I registered my twins, I was told someone called their twins Hunnykins and Bunnykins (boy + girl)!”
  • And other times? It’s just blatant silliness on the part of mum and dad …
  • “Indacara, because they didn’t make it into the hospital and their daughter was born in the back seat of their car!”

#HeadDesk #We’reOut!

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