Stop the blame game: Your partner isn’t responsible for all of your problems

Posted in Relationships.

A lot of the women I work with blame their husbands for the way they feel. “He makes me feel like shit,” they tell me.

“He doesn’t surprise me anymore.”

“I feel like we’re little more than housemates.”

“He doesn’t put in any effort.”

“He doesn’t look at me the way he used to.”

“I feel unappreciated … Lonely. Unattractive. Bored.”

Read more about relationships:

“He makes me feel like shit”

It’s true that some husbands need to shape up, take some responsibility and put a whole lot more effort into their marriages. But there’s something the women I work with often need to be taking responsibility for too: themselves and the way they feel.

They need to focus less on what their husbands are doing that brings them down, and more on what they themselves can do to raise themselves up.

How does it feel to hear me utter those hard-hitting words? Even if it feels uncomfortable and challenging (which is totally understandable), I encourage you to keep reading and hear me out …

Take matters into your own hands

While it’s DEFINITELY not okay to be disrespected or hurt in a relationship, it’s not unusual for marriages to go through troughs where one or both of the people involved feel like the marriage has lost its spark or that things have become dull, monotonous or stale. If you’re here, in this space though, I know that you DON’T want your marriage to feel like this. I suspect that you want your marriage to feel loving, ALIVE, harmonious, and for there to be a deep connection between yourself and your hubby.

Although it would be wonderful for your husband to take responsibility and begin to shift things in your marriage, he’s not (otherwise you wouldn’t be here, reading this). Which is why you need to take things into your own hands.


Because we have ZERO control over anyone else. ZERO! And the only thing that’s going to make you feel more pissed off and shit, is the cycle of you trying to change your husband and his behaviour, and him continuing stay the same.

The blame game

The only thing we have 100 percent control over in this whole world, is ourselves. Trying to change someone else will only leave you feeling angry and upset if they don’t morph into the person you want them to be. Trying to change yourself, however, is empowering and freeing (because you actually have the power to change yourself!)

  1. Instead of blaming your husband for making you feel unappreciated, why don’t you fill your self-love tank and start appreciating yourself more?
  2. Instead of blaming your husband for making you feel lonely, why don’t you get out there and start connecting with others?
  3. Instead of blaming your husband for making you feel unattractive, why don’t you dress up in something that makes you feel good, get your hair done and head out for a boogie with your ladies?
  4. Instead of blaming your husband for making you feel bored, why don’t you do something that makes you feel alive? Or learn a new hobby?

Own it … because you’ve got this

One of the biggest differences I see in the marriages of people who are happy and content, and those who are feeling fed up and dissatisfied, is that both people in the partnership take responsibility for themselves. They don’t rely on the other person to make them feel a certain way. They take responsibility for feeling how they want to feel and then gratefully soak up anything extra their partner offers them.

Let me say that living life in this way is far more enjoyable than the alternative. Because the alternative will see your levels of happiness and joy dangling at the mercy of others.

Take responsibility for yourself, honey. Take responsibility for filling your own cup. Take responsibility for feeling good. Because if you’re not doing it yourself, then how can you possibly expect anyone else to?

This article was published with permission from Nicole Mathieson’s website. Nicole is a relationship coach who specialises in helping women be happier in their long-term relationships. Read the original post here


Get more babyology straight to your inbox