After a couple agreed that they wouldn’t have anyone else in the delivery room when their baby was being born, a last-minute extra birth attendant had this new dad a little upset.
Is it me? Or is it her?
The gent in question took to Reddit to discuss his dilemma. Posting in the popular Am I The Assh*le forum, he explained that he’d been really keen to have that very special first newborn meeting take place with just himself and his wife in the room.
Alas, circumstances shifted and he arrived at the hospital to support his wife a little later than expected.
In a thread titled “[Am I the assh*le] for telling my wife off for having her mom in the room when she was giving birth” he recounted what had happened and asked if he was being unfair.
“Her mother and I … don’t get along very well, and neither of us wanted that stress the day of,” he writes.
“I was late getting to the hospital, not by a ton though. There was still 3+ hours of labour until the baby came. However, by the time I got there, my wife had called her mother and told her to come. It caused a lot of tension and made the process pretty uncomfortable for me, and thus made it harder to support my wife.”
Missing out on special time?
This new dad felt he missed out on something he’d been looking forward to for so long.
“We didn’t get that special one on one time with the baby either (we initially planned on having a full day of just us, but it ended up only being a few hours) and I’m really upset about it.”
He’s so upset, in fact, that he hasn’t been able to talk about the birth too much with his wife. When the new mum asked him what was going on he kind of … blew up. At her.
“It’s been a few weeks and my wife asked me why I am so moody about the topic of the birth, and I exploded at her for violating the plan that we had from the beginning. She cried and blamed me for being late and then told me she wouldn’t discuss it further because I had yelled.”
“Am I the assh*le?” he wanted to know.
A pity party?
It’s fair to say that we know the answer to that and also fair to say that those reading his story did too.
“She needed someone that cared about her and that she trusted there for her. I think it’s pretty damn pathetic you can’t stow your baggage with her mom for something as important as the birth of your child, either. That’s some immature bullshit, right there,” one commenter posted.
“Also, how late were you?” they continued.” You make a point to say that you were late and there was 3+ hours of labour left, but that doesn’t mean shit. How long was your wife in the hospital before you showed up? Now, instead of focusing on the positive, that you guys made a child, and enjoying the new baby, you’re throwing a pity party and whining and yelling about things not going to plan at the birth? Get over yourself, dude.”
“You were late and she evidently panicked and wanted someone there,” someone else reasoned. “Dude, you just had a whole ass baby who you’re gonna spend the next 18+ years with. So what if grandma was at the birth. Why does it matter if your birth plan didn’t go exactly how you wanted it? Those things change all the time! Channel your energy into the small human y’all created and not this petty bs.”
“Your wife was pushing an entire human out of her, she can have who she damn well pleases in there with her,” another commenter posted. “She was by herself because you were late, can you honestly blame her for calling her mother?!”
Others pointed out that you ‘tell off” a child not a partner, that in hindsight he knew that there were three hours of labour left but he did not know that when he was running late, and that perhaps his wife’s mum might have long ago noted that her son-in-law was a little … self-involved.
I guess in these cases we have to say something about how hard the transition to parenthood can be. And that this dad was probably having issues adjusting. But let’s not because COME ON! The poor mama.
This behaviour is not okay and is in fact emotionally abusive. Here’s hoping the newborn’s granny stays within easy reach because her daughter is going to need her support.
Family violence support services:
- 1800 Respect national helpline: 1800 737 732
- Women’s Crisis Line: 1800 811 811
- Men’s Referral Service: 1300 766 491
- Lifeline (24 hour crisis line): 131 114
- Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277
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